Jonestown, AZ — A local man is a hero today after he single-handedly stopped a couple who were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day according to restaurant manager Ted Barkins. “He just started quoting movie lines from Pulp Fiction. The robbers kind of went berserk and then they just left.” Local hero, Paul Horner, who thwarted the would-be robbers said, “It was really lucky that I had my wallet with me that said ‘bad motherf*cker’ on it. The robbers came around demanding everybody’s wallet and I just held it up, you know like how Samuel L. Jackson did in Pulp Fiction.”
Longtime diner Susan Litchfield said it was a pretty tense moment. “The robbers asked Mr. Horner what was in his hand. He told them it was his wallet that said ‘bad motherf*cker’ on it. I’ve never seen the movie so I didn’t know what he was talking about. I just thought he was some crazy white guy with a death wish.”
“After I said the comment about my wallet the robbers started freaking out. So then in my best tough black guy voice I said to them: Normally, both your asses would be dead as f*cking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you,” Horner said. “Then the robbers looked at each other and then just ran out of the restaurant. I knew my vast knowledge of Pulp Fiction would pay off for me one day.”
Barkins said he was concerned about the health of Mr. Horner after the robbers had left and everyone at the restaurant was waiting for police to arrive. “It seemed like Mr. Horner’s brain had temporarily snapped. I asked him if he was ok and he shouted, ‘Shut the f*ck up fat man! This ain’t none of your go*damn business’. Then I apologized and told him that I think the cops are on their way to which he responded, ‘I don’t wanna hear about no motherf*ckin’ ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, you ain’t got no problem, Paul. I’m on the motherf*cker. Go back in there, chill them n*ggas out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly’. Then he started asking me questions about our food menu. He asked me about our hamburgers and if I knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? It was really weird, but hey, he’s a hero I guess.”
“In every other parallel universe this man would be shot and killed but not here in Jonestown,” Officer Miller from the Jonestown Police Department said. “It’s fortunate that this small town has a person like Mr. Horner living in it. If he hadn’t had so much free time on his hands he never would have been able to quote so many lines from Pulp Fiction. Down time is the real hero here today.”
The robbers are described as a white male and female aged 35-45. Any information please contact the Jonestown Police Department at (785) 273-0325. As always, you can remain anonymous.
###
“Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet.”
“Which one is it?”
“It’s the one that says bad mother f*cker.”
I approve of this story.
yes
I knew my love for Quentin Tarantino films had/has a purpose for many like this dude Paul Horner! Righteous man, Right on! Now just to get Q.T.’s attention and have him cast Paul Horner in one of his next quirky films! I wonder if Paul Horner has a twitter account? Hmmm?
Hell yeah
SLJ :”You know why they call it a Royale with cheese?” Scared white guy: “uhhhhh….because of the metric system?”
He might have staged the whole thing…we’ll see.
I’m guessing they ran out because they just robbed people and didn’t want to get caught but didn’t want to shoot anyone, at least that’s what I would have done if I was robbing someone.
I love this story! Paul Horner is the man!
OMG! The quote, attempted robbery, and police interviews took less time then reading your story. Come on! You are so good at adding fluff that adds nothing to the point at hand you should write speeches for politicians!
Alright, has no one given Paul Horner an award or something yet? This man is a hero!
This guy is no hero–he’s a mentally ill man who just got lucky. It’s a funny story but pathetic at the same time. Sometimes bizarre behavior can be effective but that doesn’t make it sane. That guy needs help.
Not technically true, when the brain is in a situation it doesn’t know it tries to find anything to do that it has experienced in a previous situation. A male and female robbing a diner… = brain goes to pulp fiction mode…
Paul Horner deserves a medal! What a hero! love this story so much
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2-1 odds this guy gets killed soon
Odds are I’ll bust yo f8ckin’ head. lol
Way too goooooo Paul Horner!
This guy is amazing. I would like to buy him a beer
We were stoned and talking about movies when I came up with this bizarre theory that I thought Pulp Fiction was about music in America. I’m very aware that this is most likely not true, but we had a lot of fun talking about it.
The briefcase is Rock and Roll. Marcellus represents the origin of rock music in America (blues, motown, soul, etc) Jules is Chuck Berry and Vincent is Elvis. They go to get the briefcase back from the nerdy white guys trying to steal it. Maybe they represent greedy record producers that profited off of Black music and screwed over many Black musicians.
The reason the guy that unloads a gun at them is unable to hit them is because legends of music can never die and will be around forever. Jules realizes this and realizes that he is fighting a pointless fight. Pumpkin and Honey Bunny happen to be British and they also try to take the briefcase. They represent the British Invasion. The British Invasion was completely influenced by the blues and older pop music. Jules lets them leave with the money, but keeps his “Bad Mother Fucker” wallet. (They can steal and be influenced by the older music, but they can’t take a legends style. They have to come up with their own style.) Jules even mentions that he is trying real hard to be the shepherd.
Butch is introduced as a boxer being told by Marcellus to throw a fight. Butch represents new and interesting rock music that continues to come out and Marcellus doesn’t like this. Butch doesn’t throw the fight and runs away. They both get captured by rednecks while a country song is playing. The rapists represent country music. Country music also stole a lot from the blues and other Black music. This is shown by them raping Marcellus. Butch has a chance to escape but decides to go back and save him out of respect. Marcellus agrees to let Butch live and they truce and go separate ways. Marcellus accepts that there will always be new music and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. The watch represents that as time moves on, more new music will continue to be made and they will all be influenced by what came before them.
Paul Horner is an American hero! He needs to be celebrated… I’m thinking a parade
This is a great theory and it isn’t neccessarily wrong! All sorts of films can be interpreted in very different ways. Vince was definitely based on Elvis though due to Tarantino’s love for that man, so yeah Ill back this theory!
I love Paul Horner.
Am I the only one who finds the phrase “so I said in my toughest black guy voice” offensive?
suck it up princess
So what? Who cares if you’re offended? http://imgur.com/EX5v4
Just called the Jonestown Police department (785) 273-0325. I think I know these two that attempted to rob this place. This case could finally be solved
This is the best hero story I’ve ever read. Paul Horner deserves a medal or something
That was interesting … I wanna thank stumble upon for bringing me up here … 😉
like a boss
awesome!
Paul Horner is a hero! I want to party with that guy
how did he get so white and nerdy … hero still
what a cool guy.
f*cking n*gger
he is one bad mother fucekr
I don’t condone ppl acting a hero in such cases, but this is literally the coolest thing I’ve heard of in like the past 5 years. Kudos.
Someone should make a movie out of this… oh, they already did ha
This story should be at least on some additional comments/articles on a DVD for Pulp Fiction
Paul Horner is an American hero and deserves a medal!
Paul Horner for President!
I’m from ARIZONA and this is awesome!
You must purchase an official username from minecraft. I would suggest the username “Paul Horner” because he is a frickin’ badass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo0QpwqGQ30&feature=share&list=UU-xMT_PBTsNKEifD6EU5Bnw
I’m just sitting here, reading them comments and thinking how many of yall motherfkers think this is actually legit and laughing my ass off.