Lindsay Lohan admits what we all knew anyway

Hollywood, CA. It’s come to our attention that after countless arrests, erratic behaviour, bad acting and a slew of other offenses Lindsay Lohan has been paid $2 million for telling us exactly what we all already knew. She’s an addict with a drinking problem. Bravo Lindsay, we could have saved Oprah her 2 million and told you that ourselves. 2 years ago.

Lindsay dodged enforced orange jumpsuit prison time and hit a jackpot about as big as the giant ones found at  when judges sentenced her to 90 days in rehab in March. Only 6 days after her stint in rehab ended, Lindsay sat down with Oprah to give the first in a series of tell-all interviews, and in an ironic twist wore an orange dress.

The interview was carried out in true Oprah style with tears, shocking revelations and promises that this time round, things will be different. It reminded me of a break up and subsequent getting-back- together with someone you know will do the same thing again, but you can’t bear to be apart from, usually for a really stupid reason.

Lindsay’s revelations to Oprah were packed with pearls of wisdom and heartfelt statements that included telling us how cocaine allowed her to drink more and alcohol was her real problem, how she knows she’s the poster child for troubled actresses and that she was a mess. A mess, really? We would never have guessed. I could have done the same interview on her behalf and told Oprah the same thing as could anyone on the internet; as her crazy antics have made for great tabloid fodder for the last year. But no one wanted to pay me $2 million.

I’m concerned though. What happens if Lindsay does pull herself together now? Who will take her place? Is there a new level of crazy that needs to be achieved before she’s beaten out of the top spot? I reckon with Justin Bieber’s recent antics and the bad press he’s been getting lately he might be a good contender. He’s got hit and run, paparazzi assault, spitting on fans and monkey abandonment to his name, so it’s just a matter of time before he lets lose the real crazy and ends up in Oprah’s chair, telling us what we all knew anyway. Just like Lindsay Lohan.


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