J.K. Rowling and the Harry Potter scandal.
Hollywood, CA — It has come to our attention that the onslaught of attacks on J.K. Rowling is undeserved and unwarranted. In an attempt to preserve Hogwart’s tradition, J.K. Rowling (a muggle) was given a detailed synopsis of a grand story on her window sill. No one was really sure where the story came from, until recent surveillance has revealed that Hedwig was the deliverer of said story. Further DNA analysis has proven to show that the story was written by none other than Harry Potter himself. With the recent destruction of Voldemort (yes we can say his name now), and a steady decline in the dementors in the space, we are now able to make this story public. The battle still wages on as Harry Potter has taken his talents outside of Hogwart’s and has entered into his new battleground where he will defend his muggle territory like no other. He has shared his talents with the muggles and has made them able to see things most wizards would not reveal, all in an effort to let the world know we can work towards peace now.
It is said Harry may join the band Atoms for Peace in an effort to further spread his message. He has told us that Thom is a good friend of his, and also had a similar path growing up in Hogwart’s. Harry is expected to play bass clarinet, and his rhythm is mentioned to be stellar. I am excited to hear what he can produce and look forward to covering him as time progresses.
It has also been revealed that Hermione has and always will be Harry’s muse. It was hard stepping on his buddy’s toes to get her, but Ron said he couldn’t really handle her in the first place and would rather spend his time outside of the spotlight. Ron and Harry are still greatest of friends, and Ron has found love elsewhere and is quoted as saying, “I get it now.” Ron plans on spending his life committed to improving the environment and making sure people around him stay happy and healthy. Harry and Hermione will continue their role as a power couple, and there has been further mention that they may work on a band together on the same label as The xx. As for Ginny, she will continue to be prime minister of Australia along with Paul Horner as her faithful assistant.
J.K. Rowling is relieved to hear this news as her sanity was waning over the issue. The unimaginative attacks on her person, has led her to feel distant and unappreciated by her peers. She has always thought the appreciation has existed, but was surprised when nobody was able to come out and show it. The time has come now as Harry Potter is alive and well and intermingling with new friends and old.
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