[Updated 03-26-13] I was fortunate enough to be on this radio show last night speaking about the dangers and consequences of masturbation along with answering questions about Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin’s nationwide school tour. You can listen to me starting at 70:00. I think people learned a lot of valuable information and now masturbation should no longer be a problem in this country.
[Updated 03-21-13] Rihanna’s tour bus was stopped at the border today and marijuana was found. President Obama couldn’t resist to make a joke on Twitter about it.
[Updated 03-14-13] I would never post a picture of Justin Bieber (on purpose), but he just demanded that all of his photos from the recent incident in the UK be removed from the internet. Silly Justin, you can’t remove images from the internet. Even my 96-year-old grandma knows that.
[Updated 03-11-13] Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin needs your help and support in ending masturbation! Get your very own Fappy® merchandise here!
[Updated 03-06-13] Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin kicked off his nationwide school tour at Pansy Kidd Middle School in Poteau, Oklahoma with a bang! While there he answered questions and spoke to students about the dangers of masturbation. Way to go Fappy®!
[Updated 02-25-13] This was posted on Chris Brown’s Twitter feed today. I just don’t understand why he has such a problem with Seth MacFarlane and Super Official News. Beats me.
[Updated 02-23-13] At Super Official News we sincerely apologize for any problems you may be currently having in accessing the website. It’s Banksy’s fault.
We are upgrading the server in the next few days so this problem never happens again. Thanks for your patience!
[Updated 02-20-13] If you are ever being arrested, and don’t want to go to jail, always remember to fight and resist arrest. This lets the cop see their mistake and they will back off. You are now free to enjoy the rest of your day!
[Updated 02-16-13] First image of the meteorite that hit Russia today. Stay tuned for more images to come!
[Updated 02-15-13] Starting at the age of 6 my dad would take pictures of my penis once a week. He said this would be a fun thing to do so that when I got older I could see the progress of my penis growth (more pubes, longer length etc). When I turned 12 or so, I started taking the pictures myself. It was the same routine, always once a week. I continued doing this up until I was 23 years old. So, I’ve had these pictures laying around and yesterday I compiled them into a video type of slideshow. It starts off with the first picture of my penis from my 6 year old birthday party and then rapidly continues all the way up to the last pictures of my penis when I was 23, click here.
[Updated 02-14-13] To my special Valentine and to all my super official friends, Happy Valentine’s Day!
[Updated 02-12-13] North Korea says it has conducted a third nuclear test. Here is a map of North Korea if they decide to bomb the United States, click here.
Note: The bridge is not built to scale
[Updated 02-07-13] Horrible things are happening to women in India such as this and this. Do your part and help! Click here to learn more.
[Updated 02-03-13] Who was responsible for the blackout at the Super Bowl? Super Official News has just received this photo from a source inside the NFL, click here.
[Updated 01-29-13] Harry, my hero.
I turned on the computer this morning, and I noticed it was acting slow. Well, I called my girlfriend Susan who recommended that I clear the browser’s history… read more
[Updated 01-28-13] Democrats Launch Terminator Obama To Explain Gun Control To Republicans
Obamanator: I’ll be back, again tomorrow to speak with you further.
[Updated 01-27-13] Growing up for me was different than for most people I would have to say. I had an older brother who was kind of a douchebag and he was always taking drugs so it would really piss me off sometimes… read more
[Updated 01-24-13] Super Official News is proud to announce the release of our very own clothing line! Now with more stickers, tags, propellers and bows than any other company in the entire universe. Thug life!
[Updated 01-23-13] So this is the new cool thing to do on Facebook I guess.
[Updated 01-22-13] McDonald’s has threatened to sue us if we don’t remove the “Flying McLiger Sandwich” story from this website by January 31st. Oh, what to do?
> The letter they emailed, here.
> The story in question, here.
[Updated 01-21-13] President Obama during today’s inauguration speech.
[Updated 01-19-13] “Say Super Official News… say Super Official News… Super Official News! You didn’t say Super Official News?!!”
“Oh, i forgot…”
“How’d you forget, i wrote it on the paper!”
[Updated 01-18-13] Lance Armstrong is a huge a*shole, evil douchebag with zero remorse or morals whatsoever. Also, Killstrong!
[Updated 01-17-13] Aaron has Bieber fever. Doctors say he does not have much longer to live. “Whenever I hang out with him it’s always Justin Bieber this or Justin Bieber that. I can’t even talk to him anymore without Justin Bieber coming up in the conversation,” says Aaron’s friend Paul Horner. “I say something like, ‘Hey Aaron, did you see the new Django Unchained movie by Quentin Tarantino?’ and he’ll say, ‘Yeah, but it needed more Bieber’. I’m really worried that he soon might become a full on belieber and then no one will want to hang out with him anymore.”
[Updated 01-07-13] This telegram just arrived from our London offices. Super Official News is proud to provide its loyal readers with this informative late breaking news. As always, great work Super Official Action News Team! click here to enlarge
[Updated 01-05-13] It’s been getting pretty busy around the office here, had to hire this new guy yesterday. He gets it done. Meow!
[Updated 12-22-12] Warmest thoughts and best wishes for a wonderful holiday and a Happy New Year, from my Super Official News family to yours!
~ Paul, Carmen and lil’ Jamal
[Updated 12-20-12] To any bar, restaurant, night club, radio station or private residence that plays the song ‘It’s The End Of The World’ by R.E.M. thinking that you’re being clever, well you’re not, and I hate you.
[Updated 12-15-12] Fox News and ignorant as*holes like Mike Huckabee are blaming these types of horrible acts, such as the school shooting in Connecticut, on America losing its Christian values. Crazies will always craze, read more.
[Updated 12-01-12] Stop the war on heterosexual marriage today! >> read more
[Updated 11-22-12] Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan have taken a two week vacation in the Bahamas. Sources close to the campaign say it was a long and painful election, full of daily gaffes and a downward spiral of defeat and despair. I think everyone can agree that these two deserve a little romantic getaway.
[Updated 11-16-12] Sign the official White House petition to deport everyone that signed a petition to secede from the United States of America, click here.
[Updated 11-06-12] Obama won re-election because black men always have to serve more time. Not cool America, you racist dicks!
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