Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Kicks Off Nationwide School Tour

Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation.

Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here speaking to children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.

New York, NY — Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now said he is excited about the tour. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin kicked off his nationwide school tour at Pansy Kidd Middle School in Poteau, Oklahoma with a bang. While there, Fappy® answered questions and spoke to students about the dangers of masturbation.”

“The kids just love him,” said 64-year old Paul Horner who is a teacher at Pansy Kidd Middle School. “Fappy® makes the kids laugh and educates them at the same time. He also is quite the tickle monster and the children just love wrestling with him. We can’t wait for Fappy® to come back next year!”

“Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape,” Childs told reporters. “It leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. This nationwide tour is designed to help make children and parents aware of the dangers of masturbation in and outside of the home. If your arms are long enough to touch your private areas, you are a possible suspect in raping yourself.” Childs continued, “God willing, one day masturbation will be illegal.”

Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach children and adults about the dangers of masturbation. For a complete list of dates and locations of this tour, click here. For more information or if you would like Fappy® to visit your child’s school please call the 24-hour Fappy® Nationwide School Tour Hotline.

  • Fappy® Nationwide School Tour Hotline: (785) 273-0325

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Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin needs your help and support in ending masturbation! Get your very own Fappy® merchandise here!


  1. Jared R says:

    Wasting tax dollars on this nonsense like this?!! This is bullsh*t!

    • A.Schulz says:

      This prude goverment wastes money again by telling kids lies? This is awful. Are we heading back to the Victorian times? What gives you, the Goverment the right, to invade in the bodies of our children? On what lies, are you spending our tax dollars next? Like you don’t already waste way too much of our monies. Shame on you America.

  2. Hannelore Maxwell says:

    Don’t they know masturbation is healthy? Especially for males: it can prevent those pesky prostate problems that show up later in life

  3. Sarah H says:

    There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It’s extremely healthy. This dolphin is teaching these kids the wrong message

  4. Anonymous says:


    • Bobby Hill says:

      i love Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

    • Its not easy to stop masturbation. I myself is doing since the age of 12,now I am 60 years of age. Basically its the job of girls/ladies to come forward and provide blow job to male, but they are NOT sex educated enough. Male expect ladies to provide masturbation by mouth,but due to opposite sex they cannot feel the importance of male satisfaction. Male satisfaction lies in masterbation by self/by some experience ladies/girl. I think,Anti-Masturbation Dolphin must educate ladies/girls, that Male satisfaction lies in BLOW JOB/Masturbation by mouth/sucking of penis. Its good exercise for ladies jaw.Ejaculation can be spitted-out,but its their prime duty to do for the satisfaction of their love-ones.

  5. I thought this was a joke…What is wrong with people?
    Just like in medevil times they tell kids that it is bad & unhealthy to explore & enjoy their own body???
    Let people have their sexy time! This is outrageous. Teaching kids that sex is a “dirty thing” is the wrong way to go.

    Kids should be able to develope a natural relationship with their sexuality & their bodies.
    I used to live in NYC ( I’m back in Europe now) and I can’t believe that they do this kind of nonsense in NY.

    People are nuts!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Fappy tour dates

  7. Come on… first “masturbation is healthy”, now “stop masturbation”… Now, whoever did not know what it was, will start to masturbate.
    Everybody has a choice. Is it bad to someone’s health? No! Does it disturb others? No!
    Next will be movement against cunilingus because it can strain someones neck and lowers morals and “Missionary Position Ape” will call to abandon any other position. If anybody needs to create some “movement” – do charity work…

  8. john henry says:

    –what will they think of next— how does FABBY knows people masturbate, i think FABBY is a peeping Tom and should be arrested.

  9. Dennis System says:

    This is pretty f*cked up lol

  10. Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin needs your help and support in ending masturbation! Get your very own Fappy® merchandise here!

  11. Fappy can suck these nuts

  12. And this survived the sequester how exactly? If this isn’t a joke then who ever decided to spend tax dollars on this needs to be fired immediately.

  13. Anonymous says:

  14. Williard P. Jenkins says:

    This SOB is teaching our kids??!!! Funded by the government!!!?? WTF!!!!!!!!

  15. Sickness says:
  16. Thomas Tiddlebum says:

    Fappy has been helping me in halting the evils of touching my no-no place. When he came to our school, I was afraid at first, but he really helped make me feel special in the closet and even though his candy had some fuzz on it, it was still good. I liked his funny eeep eeep noises he made when he showed me how not to touch my devil’s wand. We also had fun washing hands which took a while but the soap smelled good like mushrooms.

  17. Maltazard says:

    Since when is jerkin’ off not healthy? I did not see a feasible enough reason among the so called of jerkin’ off on the article. Waste of taxpayers money

  18. Bestbtrollin says:

    For people who think this article is legit, it is. Fappy visited my school last year.

  19. Did you know that regular masturbation by men is the best preventive measure for prostate cancer

  20. Surprise, surprise. Westboro Baptists are at it again spreading their lies.

    I blame the gays for my masturbation problem :o/

  21. aargh

  22. fappy the clown says:

    I once fist fucked a penguin

  23. Little boy says:

    fappy cum to australia

  24. Anonymous says:

    I’m in Poteau, Oklahoma and I didn’t even know about some stupid dolphin. This whole thing is ridiculous.

  25. My ex girlfriend had a dolphin shaped vibrator. Confusing.

  26. Buah hah hah hah HAAAA, only in America :’DDD

  27. omg.. i bet this is a fat old granny inside.. or a ugly guy who loves f*cking children

  28. f*ck you

  29. philip ochs says:

    you can’t stop masturbation your just encouraging kids to do it even more now that there more educated because they know it’s wrong like drugs, laws, even OUR OWN GOVERNMENT

  30. Wait till you see the masturbation documentary we’re working on. Check it – http://stickythemovie.tumblr.com and http://www.facebook.com/stickythemovie – The more we spread the word, the better the film will be! Oh, then there’s this- http://www.imasturbate.co

  31. Buster Cherry says:

    Fappy is truly a good dolphin! We have so much fun together!! Sometimes he comes over and we see who can drink the most Tylenol pm and eat the most hotdogs!

  32. David P. Turnbole says:

    New York has taken MY tax dollars to promote something that hurts absolutely NO one. Children will masterbate, regardless of what a dolphin tells them How absolutely STUPID waste of money. Teaching 1950’s ignorance.

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