Obama: Halloween Changed To November 2nd This Year

The Ass Press
Posted: 10/13/2012 4:00:42 PM PDT

Halloween date changes this yearWashington, DC — President Obama held a press conference today to announce some new changes his office plans on implementing to make the country run more efficiently. Obama and his team are calling these new changes ‘DAFUQ’, which is an initialism for ‘Defending America’s Family Unifying Quality’. The first DAFUQ will be implemented this month and will be applied towards changing the date of Halloween from October 31st to November 2nd.

“It works out better for everyone this way,” Obama told reporters. “Instead of Halloween falling on a weekday, it now falls on a Friday. That means the kids get to stay out later and collect more candy because it’s not a school night. The young adults get to stay up later and socialize because it’s a weekend, thus spending for local businesses will increase. And the homeowners passing out the candy are not bothered that they have to hand out candy till 9 or 10 pm since for most Americans, a Saturday usual means a day off of work.”

Mike Wang who is a customs agent at the Canadian border said he’s worried about all the possible criminal activity that could occur with after Halloween specials. “Since Canada’s Halloween will go on as regularly scheduled, we are worried about people buying up all the Halloween discounted merchandise in Canada on November 1st, smuggling their goods into the states and then selling them to the people there at full price,” Wang said. “We hope that Canada and the United States can work together on this to prevent criminals from taking advantage of the situation.”

Paul Horner who is in charge of the DAFUQ Task Force says rules will strongly be enforced for any lawbreakers. “We’ll be working with local and national law enforcement to make sure these new changes are not taken advantage of. Any children caught trick-or-treating on October 31st instead of November 2nd will be arrested and prosecuted,” Horner said. “We’ll be posting all the new laws online shortly. As long as you’re following the rules there is no reason that you or any of your family members will end up in prison.”

Obama finished the press conference by explaining the possible future of DAFUQ. “This is just one of our many ideas we’re planning to roll out to make the country run more smoothly,” Obama said. “We might be doing to this for Thanksgiving and Christmas too. We’re currently exploring the idea of Christmas falling sometime in February, maybe around Valentines Day, but we’ll see how Halloween in November works out first.”

To report anyone trick-or-treating on October 31st or for more information, please contact the DAFUQ 24-hour hot line at (785) 273-0325.


  1. David Jenkins says:

    This is great! Sometimes I don’t agree with what Obama does, but I love this idea!

  2. I’m so tired of holidays not happening on the weekend… now they will! Obama has my vote!

  3. Concerned Parent says:

    I hate Obama and Super Official News. This is a massive conspiracy against good wholesome families like myself and hundreds of other parents that are concerned that this article is going to increase the likeliness of young college aged women dressing like pirate wenches and driving drunk will be out on Wednesday and Friday. Now I will have to walk with my children and they will have to wear reflectors on their hobo costumes they worked so hard on. DAFUQ are you folks doing to America? Paul Horner needs to step up to the plate and take responsibility for this.

  4. Obama must be held responsible for his actions. When this all goes wrong, he must be held responsible. I demand justice!

  5. Yeah, this works much better for me. Thanks Obama!

  6. Anonymous says:

    I’m going to smuggle a ton of candy corn in from Canada and become rich beyond my wildest dreams. Baller status baby

    • that wasn’t an official ofcife but he certainly didn’t have anything bad to say about the flag or Guevara did he? Kind of like saying hey I’m a good guy and I don’t even mind if my supporters like murderous thugs. But I digress-Guess who else was a Cuban sympathizer? That’s right class, Lee Harvey Oswald, a marksmen that never met a communist he didn’t like.Now, let us put it all together–Che Guevara was Castro’s chief persecutor-er I mean prosecutor, he was personally responsible for the killings of thousands of Cubans. If you need to check that for truth ride on down to Miami and start waving a Guevara flag.-JFK was killed by a Cuban sympathizer (Oswald) or maybe that should be plural depending on who you believe and how tight your tin foil is wrapped.-Teddy (speed racer) and Maria Schriver endorse Obama.-Obama could care less about a Cuban Guevara flag flown in his supporter’s ofcife.Does the irony escape Teddy and Maria? I’ll have what he’s drinking…The point here is that the Democrats are very quick to forget history and when someone reminds them they are even quicker to dismiss it. Here’s another fact for you-One of the former members of the terrorist group Weather Underground, William Ayers, proclaimed in an interview with the New York Times published on 9/11/01 that he didn’t regret setting bombs (A series of bombings that occurred in the 70s and included the U.S. Capitol and the Pentagon).Guess who Mr. Ayers supports? That’s right, Obama. In fact Mr. Ayers served on The Woods Fund (an anti poverty group) with Obama from 1999 to 2002. Swapping ideas I’d venture.And before any of you say I’m just a white guy railing on a black guy running for President, well I say there is no black guy running for President, Obama is white, at least his mother is but he hasn’t said much about that either has he?Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain folks. It’s all about change anyway, the change in your pockets that is.

  7. I don’t care what Obama says .. I’m still getting my candy on the 31st

  8. Obama is retarded. Why does this man do stupid things that make no sense? You are not here to change our holidays for your reasons. You are here to run a country and you are not doing that at all. Halloween is Oct. 31st. PERIOD. This man makes me sick.

  9. Eugenia Simmons says:

    He is soooo stupid . hes gonna change thanksgiving and christmas too -___- This ruins everything .. Just leave it the way it is and people shouldnt be arrested period for trick-or-treating today. what if some people didnt get the news ? I absolutely never liked Obama & Im BLACK ! UGH !

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