Archives for November 2013

‘Knockout’ Thug Loses Game Permanently to Granny’s Big Gun

Granny kills knockout game thug

Gladis Bennett shows reporters the gun she used to kill her ‘Knockout Game’ attacker.

St. Louis, MO — 93-year-old Gladis Bennett was on her way to visit her grandchildren as she usual does every Saturday morning. The air was crisp and cool without a cloud in the sky. It was a special morning too. It was her granddaughter’s 14th birthday. Bennett who has a pension from the military was excited that she could afford the extra presents and treats for her granddaughter’s party that afternoon. She was waiting for the number ten bus that would take her into downtown. That is when everything changed.

“I was waiting at the bus stop and suddenly felt this sharp pain to the left side of my body. The blunt force was so strong that it knocked me down. When I looked up I could see a group of thugs laughing at me. Then one of them started kicking me. So before they had a chance to do more harm, I reached in my purse, pulled out my gun and shot the main aggressor. Luckily they all ran after that. I was terrified. I thought they were going to kill me.”

51-year-old Knoshon Mootron a homeless man from St. Louis who witnessed the attack told reporters that Bennett acted like a superhero. “I saw her get sucker punched from behind, hard. She hit the ground, then they all start kicking her, she grabs this huge gun out of her purse and BOOM! Headshot! Game over son, ya know what I’m sayin’? Poor n*gga never had a chance.”


“I was mugged about a year ago,” says Bennett. “It’s scary living alone. My grandsons are all grown up so I decided to get my NRA card and a concealed weapons permit. If I hadn’t done what I did who knows what those group of boys would have done to me.”

Bennett was taken to St. Luke’s Hospital with scrapes and bruises but was released later that day. As for her attacker 21-year-old Damon Williams, he was pronounced dead at the seen from a bullet inflicted wound to the head.”

St. Louis Police Detective Paul Horner told CNN the ‘Knockout Game’ is extremely dangerous and needs to stop before more people get killed. “How many more of our young African American youths will have to die before it clicks in their tiny little brains not to do this stupid sh*t anymore? It’s not cool, people are dying. These folks out there are getting themselves severely injured over some stupid game. This unnecessary violence needs to stop now. People are becoming more and more aware of this ‘Knockout Game’ so it is only a fact more and more people are carrying a gun to protect themselves,” Horner said, “You play the ‘Knockout Game’ and expect to be shot. It’s that simple.”

St. Louis Police Officers detained Bennett for questioning where she was soon released. As of this moment no charges are expected to be filed.

What Is The Knockout Game?

The ‘Knockout Game’ is a violent new trend which is growing in popularity among African Americans both young and old. The so-called “Knockout Game” involves assaulting people without warning and it is claiming lives.


The victims of the brutal game are chosen at random. Defenseless and unsuspecting people are attacked by groups of teens who have one goal in mind: to knock the victim out with one punch.

“One-hitter quitter,” “knock em’ and drop em,” “point em’ out and knock ’em out” are all names for this disturbing new trend that is now drawing nationwide attention.

Recent attacks have occurred in New York, New Haven, Conn., Washington, D.C. and suburban Philadelphia. But the violent attacks go back several years too. In 2011, St. Louis, Mo. had a rash of incidents, one of which led to the killing of a Vietnamese immigrant. Some of the assaults are recorded and posted on websites such as Youtube by the attackers.

If you are a witness to the ‘Knockout Game’ immediately contact your local authorities. You could just save a life and receive a possible reward. As always you can remain anonymous.

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Man Finds 6 Million Dollars Worth Of Bitcoins At Garage Sale

The online virtual currency Bitcoins

Image of the online virtual currency Bitcoins.

Phoenix, AZ — An Arizona man got the surprise of his life when a ten dollar investment at a neighborhood garage sale this weekend turned him into a millionaire overnight.

35-year-old Paul Horner was out walking his dog Mac when he came upon a neighborhood yard sale and decided to stop. “I found an old Dell computer that my neighbor was selling for 15 dollars. I talked him down to ten,” Horner said. “When I got home and turned it on I found Word documents in one of the folders. There was password information for something called Bitcoins. So I logged in to the account and there was over 10,000 of these things. I quickly sold half of them and the other half I decided to keep.”

Bitcoins are a virtual currency facilitated by an open-source peer-to-peer cryptographic protocol that functions without the intermediation of any central authority. The concept was introduced in a 2008 paper by a pseudonymous developer known as “Satoshi Nakamoto” and have been in use since January of 2009.

Mr. Horner’s name may seem familiar to some. He was recently in the news for having the biggest penis in the world according to Guinness World Records.

“Things have been really going my way lately,” Horner told CNN. “I feel as if I have 6 million dollars and the biggest penis in the world… oh wait, I do.”

The Bitcoin took a huge step towards the mainstream on Monday when federal authorities signaled their willingness to accept it as a legitimate payment alternative. The Department of Justice and Securities and Exchange Commission told a U.S. Senate committee that Bitcoins are legitimate financial instruments.

Horner told reporters he plans to use the money to better mankind. “I told my neighbor who sold me the computer I’m giving him a million dollars. I’ll probably give my family a million dollars too. The rest I’ll use to buy a new house, probably buy a sweet nightclub, a helicopter or something, a dolphin costume, a couple cars, only important stuff. I always wanted to do two chicks at the same time. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, because chicks dig dudes with money.”

According to U.S. based Coinbase, which allows users to buy and sell Bitcoins who have a United States bank account, the price of a single Bitcoin reached a high of $800 late Monday evening.

Christian Waitress Stiffed By “Proud Gay Muslim”

Image of the receipt a Minnesota Perkins waitress received from a dining customer this week.

Apple Valley, MN — A Minnesota waitress got an unwelcome surprise this week when instead of getting a tip she received a disturbing note mocking her faith. It all happened at the Perkins Restaurant in Apple Valley where 37-year-old Shelly Anderson has worked as a waitress for over three years.

“I served this gentlemen and his friend. They said the service was excellent. When they paid I went back to clean up the table and that’s when I saw what one of them had written on the receipt. My heart just sank,” said Anderson. “My husband just got laid off from his job. It’s tough enough being a mother of two while having a full time job to support your family without also being ridiculed for your religious beliefs. I’m a god-fearing Christian and I’m not afraid to show it. I wear my crucifix with pride.”

On the receipt in question the words were written, ‘I don’t tip women especially ones who believe in a talking snake! From a proud gay Muslim’. The receipt then listed the tip as ‘zero’.


Anderson told CNN she believes the men knew she was Christian because of the crucifix around her neck. “I don’t ever talk about my beliefs with the customers. I just wear the cross around my neck, that’s it. For them to not tip because I’m a Christian woman is ridiculous.”

Perkins manager Ted Barkins told reporters his restaurant has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to religious discrimination. “We don’t allow that type of behavior from our servers or our customers. Shelly is a great person and hard worker. She did not deserve what these men did.”

The Apple Valley Police Department is looking into this incident as a hate crime. Anyone with any information is urged to contact Inspector Phelps at (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

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India Ends Diplomatic Relations With The U.S. Over Satirical Article

Rape Festival in India

Image of the Assam Rape Festival news article on the National Report website.

Assam, INDIA — People in India are outraged by a satirical article that appeared on an American website reporting a rape festival taking place in India’s northeastern state of Assam. “We rape the evil demons out of the girls, otherwise they will cheat on us and we will be forced to kill them. So it is a win-win for everyone,” says the article published by the National Report.

Daarun Gupta who is the Assistant Commissioner of the Assam Police CID’s cyber crime cell told reporters the Indian Government has taken up a sue moto case holding the National Report and the author of the story accountable.

“It is a sensitive issue that clearly violates India’s cyber crime statutes and we have taken up the matter with the public prosecutor in New Delhi,” Gupta said. “We have requested an arrest warrant for the author and are asking the United States Government for extradition rights so that he may be prosecuted to the fullest extent of India law.” Gupta continued, “We are working around the clock with our top government officials, police agencies and lawyers to makes sure all parties are held accountable. This injustice will not go unpunished.”
Dr. Manmohan Singh who is the Prime Minister of India on Twitter posting about the Rape Festival
Today Dr. Manmohan Singh who is the Prime Minister of India held a press conference to address the issue. “This defiant act against the great people of India will not be tolerated, America has gone too far this time. This rape festival story is not funny whatsoever. The country of India is ending it’s diplomatic relations with the United States until we have received a sincere apology from President Barack Obama. The sacred country of India demands satisfaction!”

The National Report who published the article said the story was meant to highlight the very serious issue of rape in India while at the same time raising money for the woman of India through a charity called Give India, which is listed at the bottom of the article. While the story has led to all kinds of threats of violence and criminal/legal action against the author and site owner, one group from India returened the favor by publishing a story about America titled, “The Great American Mass Shooting Festival Begins Next Week” which has since gone viral.

Since the article appeared on the National Report website, GiveIndia.org who is the charity promoted at the bottom of the article has received over 2,000 unique visitors. The charity gives 90% – 95% of the money that is donated directly to the cause of helping women in India. This money provides them with proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more. GiveIndia.org is in no way associated with or responsible for the story or the views expressed in it.


34-year-old Jimmy Rustling from Phoenix, Arizona who is the author of the article told CNN the story was meant to raise awareness about the serious issue of rape in India while raising money for the woman that live there. “My story is an exaggeration of the truth. Most woman in India can’t get help or contact the police. If they get raped it shames their family, or the court finds that it was their fault because of the way they dressed, or they don’t believe in god hard enough, or there wasn’t enough witnesses, or they get stoned to death by reporting the rape, the list goes on and on. I can only imagine how many reported rapes there would actually be in India if they treated woman like human beings, having the same rights as men, instead of objects that are married slaves. Hopefully my article is a wake-up call to them. Get tough on rape India, stop allowing men to do this, this is what most of the world thinks of you. There could never be a “Dallas Rape Festival”, that would make no sense. Yes, there is rape that happens in the city of Dallas, but are they known for that? Of course not. It wouldn’t make any sense.” Rustling continues, “We only approved comments that believed the hoax. That was only 50 comments out of 10,000 or more. It’s my story and I feel the comments add to it. You can’t just ruin it for everybody by letting them know it’s a hoax. Also, I wrote at least 25 out of those 50 comments just to get things going. So that leaves just 25 comments by really stupid people. Watch out when you’re walking in a cross walk or on the street, basically whenever you’re outside your house. You never know who you will run into or how low their IQ will be.”

The “India Rape Festival” was posted on November 2nd and went viral with various social media outlets. As of today the story has over four hundred shares on Facebook. Mr. Rustling went into hiding early Friday morning fearing for his life but not before stating, “Can’t we all just get along?”

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WANT TO HELP THE WOMEN IN INDIA? THEN DO SOMETHING!

Giveindia.org gives 90%-95% of the money that you donate directly to the cause of helping women in India. This money provides them with proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more! NOTE: GiveIndia.org is in no way associated with or responsible for this article or the views expressed in it.

Click here to donate

Funny news

UPDATE 11/9/13: Woman of India, it’s your fault.

UPDATE 11/13/13:
Top India police official says, “If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it.”


Porn Found On ObamaCare Website

Porn images and pornography found on the ObamaCare website

Users of Healthcare.gov report finding pornographic material on a number of their signup pages.

Washington, DC — More bad news for ObamaCare as users of its website Healthcare.gov report finding pornographic material on a number of their signup pages. CGI Federal, the IT contractor responsible for the site said the obscene content was uploaded by a disgruntled employee.

Ken Renynolds who is a spokesman for CGI Federal told CNN the problem with the site has been resolved. “This is an isolated incident,” Reynolds said. “The employee responsible for the obscene material has since been terminated. One bad apple does not speak for an entire company. I assure the American people that their privacy and information is safe and secure as always.”

The graphic material was viewable Friday evening between 8PM – 9PM PST. Users reported the images to customer support which then had the content removed from the server.

This is not the first problem CGI Federal and the ObamaCare website has had since going live. Following the October 1, 2013 launch of open-registration under the Affordable Care Act (ACA), the company came under intense media scrutiny after users were prevented from logging in and signing up. Many Americans have also complained of increased rate hikes due to their old insurance plan being canceled.

CGI Federal won the $93.7 million Healthcare.gov job over 3 other companies in 2011. CGI Federal is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Canadian firm CGI Group, which was founded in Quebec City in 1976 by Serge Godin and Andre Imbeau.

Warning: Graphic material – Screenshots of the pornographic images on Healthcare.gov which have since been removed – Click image to enlarge

Porn on ObamaCare website
Porn on ObamaCare website
Porn on ObamaCare website

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