DEQUINCY, LA (AP) — This morning, a small town in Louisiana jailed one of its firefighters for 30-days for praying at the scene of a fire. 39-year-old Ronnie Edwards, who has been with the DeQuincy Fire Department since he was 21, was also suspended from work without pay. “I just do what our Lord & […]
I was in love with my 8th grade English teacher. The best part of my day was attending her class. She was 27, I was 14. She had long legs, beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes. She was smart and funny, she was everything I wanted in a woman. I would flirt with her all […]
An article by ABC News reporting that the Church of Scientology lost its tax-exempt status in March 2016 is 100% true. Claim: The Supreme Court revoked the Church of Scientology’s tax-exempt status in March 2016. Example: [Collected via Email, March 2016] “Did the IRS recently rescind the tax exempt status of the church of Scientology?” […]
CONFIRMED TRUE: Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin WAS Arrested At SeaWorld For Masturbating In Public
There is a story going around the internet about a dolphin mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization who was arrested at SeaWorld for public masturbation. This story is in fact TRUE. On November 13th Fappy, AKA Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank […]
Making its way around the internet is a story about a book titled, ‘The Black House‘. The best-selling book is about an Ex-Secret Service agent who claims that Obama is a Muslim and also a homosexual. This has been confirmed as TRUE. We spoke with Lawn Gnome Publishing‘s owner, Aaron Johnson, who put out the […]
Salisbury, NC — In an article originally published by NBC News, Survivor band members claim they are suing Kim Davis and Mike Huckabee for $1.2 million dollars for using their song “Eye of the Tiger” without permission. This story has been confirmed true by the lawyer representing Survivor. “We have filed the necessary paperwork with […]
According to Fox News, the Copenhagen brand of chewing tobacco recently launched a new ad campaign targeting teenagers. The ads, which began showing up last month in teen magazines like Seventeen, have parents all over the country up in arms. “It’s sickening what Copenhagen is doing,” Samantha Davies of Truth, an anti-tobacco organization, told Fox […]
DeQuincy, LA — In a Louisiana courtroom today, 15-year-old Paul Horner broke down in tears after a judge found the young man guilty on two counts of domestic terrorism and was sentenced to twenty-five years to life in federal prison. Horner is the first person in history to be charged with what is known as […]
London, England — What is Bill Murray not capable of doing? According to Fox News and NBC, that is the question being asked by London residents and police today as Murray saved the life of a 9-year-old girl from certain death after he pushed her out of the way at the last second of a […]
Phoenix, Arizona — After 22-years of controversy, the tents in Phoenix, Arizona are finally coming down. In a unanimous decision early this morning, the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors voted in favor of closing the facility this December. Paul Horner with the American Civil Liberties Union spoke with reporters about the closing of Tent City. […]
MORE SUPER OFFICIAL NEWS
>> SUPER OFFICIAL BREAKING NEWS:[Updated 03-18-14] News that Fred Phelps with the Westboro Baptist Church finally dieing is fantastic! It does not matter what your beliefs are in anything, all this guy did was bad. He tried to stop love by spreading hate. And he did. People hate Fred Phelps. But now, and hopefully soon, this pure evil will be gone from the planet. That is great news!
The 4th of July celebrates a victory over an oppressive government. Right now it seems like we're in the same position we were in before, but a lot worse.
The corrupt banking system, unnecessary wars, the 1% in total power, Wall Street, unemployment, the recession, the debt, whistleblowers getting locked up, the Federal Reserve, huge corporations buying politicians, Drones, TSA, NDAA, NWO, PRISM and the NSA... just to name a few.
This country needs a new 4th of July.
[Updated 06-26-13] My hero, Edward Snowden, current hide-and-seek champion of the world. Click here for full image!
[Updated 06-24-13] Oh wow, George Zimmerman quit his job and even resigned from the Men's Wearhouse board of directors. I didn't even know that was the same guy. I wonder if his last words to Trayvon Martin were, "You're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it."
On a somewhat related note: To the 8th grade girl that sat behind me in English class when I lived in Minnesota who I talked to once which included the exact six words, "Can I please borrow a pencil?" I'm friends with you on here for some reason. So please get super offended by the above joke and delete me. Thank you so much!
[Updated 06-17-13] This is Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin's new movement to inform the general public about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. If it can save just one soul, this multi-million dollar ad campaign will be worth it! Click here to see one of their first nationwide ads.
[Updated 06-05-13] New Study Proves Global Climate Change Is Linked Directly To Masturbation!
A recent study by the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow has revealed that masturbation is the primary cause for warming, rising sea levels, and an increase in severe weather.
Masturbation causes friction and heavy breathing, both result in heat and CO2 emissions. The Semen result from masturbation runs to the oceans where it sinks to the bottoms forever raising the sea level.
For more information on this groundbreaking find, please visit STOP Masturbation NOW. It is never too late to stop masturbating and save this planet before it turns into a flaming, molten lava fireball of terror and destruction that will kill us all.
[Updated 05-25-13] COMING SOON! Super Official News Presents: Twenty Slow News Days. Available for download on iPad, iPod, iPhone, Kindle etc. This will be the best book you have ever read in your entire life. To view a full size of the cover, click here.
[Updated 04-15-13] Welcome to the new members of the Super Official Action News Team! Of course you already know Blaine Anderson (center), but now joining him will be Nathan McDaniels (left) and Dariusz Krawczyk (right). Welcome aboard new team members! Lets make Super Official News the most super and official news site on the planet!
[Updated 04-11-13] GREAT NEWS EVERYONE! We raised the $10,000,000 ransom that was demanded by North Korea for the safe release of Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin! Thanks to your tax payer dollars, Fappy® is now a free dolphin! Fappy® says it was a long 7 days being held captive without food or water but he's looking forward to being in Seattle, Washington on April 12th. While there he will be speaking with various elementary schools in the area about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. Fappy® only has 20 cities left on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour. If your school would like Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin to speak to your students please contact us immediately as spaces are extremely limited. Praise Fappy®!
[Updated 04-04-13] We have just received word from Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin in North Korea. The conversation was brief, but apparently Dennis Rodman is planning to team up with Kim Jung Un to rule the world. It is still unclear what their policies on masturbation will be, but Fappy® will definitely get to the bottom of this mess. In the meantime, please take two seconds and sign the following petition to help us deport Dennis Rodman from the United States. Thank you!
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