marijuana gay

DRUGS IN COLORADO: New Deadly Strain Of Marijuana Turning Users Gay

Just when you thought the drug problem in Colorado could not get any worse, law enforcement officials are now reporting incidents of marijuana users turning gay. “We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Dr. Paul Horner of the Barrow Neurological Institute. “The drug users in Colorado are injecting a strain of marijuana that changes the […]

Facebook parental consent form

Parental Consent Form Required To Use Facebook For All Minors Beginning In June

Beginning June 1st, Facebook will require signed parental consent forms for any users under the age of 18. Those under the age of 18 will begin to receive consent forms in their Facebook inbox as soon as May 1st. To receive your form early, you can click this link here provided or call the 24-hour […]

First Ever Head Transplant Is a Success

Doctors in Africa are reporting that a 36-year-old man has made an 80% recovery after receiving the first ever head transplant. Horner, whose body was riddled with bone cancer, received the donor body from a 21-year-old man who has been brain dead from a car accident back in 2012. Doctors are excited about the surgery […]

Obama: New Bimonthly Church Services Starting May 1st, “Americans Work Harder When They Pray Less”

Washington, DC — At a press conference today, President Barack Obama announced he would be implementing a new law changing the current monthly 4-Week church services down to 2 times a month. Obama says during these rough economic times it crucial to take drastic measures so Americans can work work harder and pray less. These […]

DeQuincy making talking about the dress illegal

DeQuincy, Louisiana Making Talking About ‘The Dress’ Illegal With 30 Days In Jail For Repeat Offenders

A small town in Louisiana is making discussing the color of the dress illegal. The city of DeQuincy is fining first time offenders $500 and assigning mandatory 30 day jail sentences for repeat offenders. The Mayor of DeQuincy, Tom Downey, spoke to CNN about the ban the city is placing on discussing the the color […]

ISIS dating website taken by Anonymous

Anonymous Shuts Down ISIS Dating Website

The group Anonymous has single-handedly shut down the ISIS dating website, ISISsingles.com. “Operation ISIS Social Continues,” Anonymous tweeted today, describing its most recent action taking down the ISIS singles website. Using Pastebin, Anonymous posted usernames, login information and Twitter accounts for members of the dating site. This is the first ISIS dating site that has […]

Northeast Snow Storm

BREAKING NEWS: It’s Snowing In The Northeast, Again

Boston, MA — A massive snow storm and blizzard is hitting the Northeast, again. The winter storm is stranding motorists on highways and piling up drifts so high that some homeowners are having problems getting their doors open. This may remind you of the great snow storm from 2014 where the exact same situation happened, […]

kanye west and jay z

Kanye West $500 Million Awards Show Financed By Jay Z, Kim Kardashian And Beyoncé

The Kanye West awards show simply dubbed the ‘K’ is ready to go. The $500 million dollars has been paid and it turns out besides Kanye, it’s main financiers are Jay Z, Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé according to sources. Kanye said on his Twitter feed this is the show in our lifetime not to miss. […]

Kanye West Award Show Called the K

Kanye West Spending $500 Million Of Own Money On Awards Show The Same Night As The Oscars

Breaking News is coming out of Las Vegas, Nevada this morning as reports are saying that Kanye West is spending $500 million dollars of his own money to throw an awards show. This awards show, being called the ‘K’, is meant to complete with the Oscars say promoters, since it’s being held at the exact […]

Fappy The Dolphin is Paul Hornr

Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation While Accepting Award In The Tybee Islands

Tybee Island, GA — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested yesterday for masturbating in public. The mascot along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating both children and parents about the […]

Snoop Dogg blunt rolling contest; winner gets $100,000

Snoop Dogg Is Offering $100,000 A Year For A Blunt Roller To Join Crew

Los Angeles, CA — American rapper, singer-songwriter and actor, Snoop Doggy Dogg held a press conference today to announce his need for a full-time blunt-roller to join his crew, with an amazing starting pay of $100,000/yr. The contest is being dubbed, “Wrapper For A Rapper“, and judges are asking contestants to submit a Youtube video. […]

Katey Kinkade from Australia is beautiful

Katey Kinkade Is The Most Beautiful Girl In Australia

There is a girl that lives in Australia named Katey Kinkade. She is the most beautiful, funny, clever, creative, intelligent, caring girl that I know. When Katey Kinkade is not being the most beautiful girl in Australia, she is talking with her Facebook boyfriend Paul Horner. That is a very smart move on her part, […]

Banksy is Paul Horner

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

London, England — The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, film director, painter and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by London’s Metropolitan Police. After hours of questioning and a raid of his London art studio, his true name and identity have finally […]

Facebook drunk fee message

Facebook To Fine Users That Post While Drunk; Breathalyzer For Repeat Offenders

Menlo Park, CA — At a press conference this morning, Facebook rolled out their new fee structure for those that use the social media website while intoxicated. Beginning January 1st of next year, Facebook says it will start implementing fees ranging from $20 all the way upwards of $1,000 for repeat offenders. The social media […]

Horner G6S Mercenary Inc., seen here, taking out a base in March of this year known to house members of ISIS.

U.S. Company Hiring Mercenaries To Kill ISIS; Starting Pay $500K/yr

Phoenix, AZ — An up-and-coming militant organization, Horner G6S Mercenary Incorporated, or simply known as G6S, which has known ties to the U.S. military, says it is now aggressively hiring the general public for the specific purpose of killing those affiliated with the Islamic State. The company is offering a mind-blowing starting pay of $500,000 […]

Banksy arrested in London

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

London, England — The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, film director, painter and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by London’s Metropolitan Police. After hours of questioning and a raid of his London art studio, his true name and identity have finally […]

The Big Lewbowski 2

The Big Lewbowski 2 Announced: Filming Begins January 2015

Hollywood, CA — Exciting news for Big Lebowski fans around the world as a sequel to the cult classic has just been announced. Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, directors of the first Lebowski movie, confirmed with E! Online they will both be returning to direct the sequel. “We’re thrilled to be coming back to film […]

Satire site predicts 9/11

Satire Site Predicted September 11 Attacks; FBI Arrests Author In Early Morning Raid

Phoenix, AZ — An Arizona man was arrested by federal agents early this morning after learning he had written a satirical article about the tragic events of September 11th, 2001 one day before they actually occurred. According to NPR, the story was published September 10th, 2001 on the satirical website National Report and titled, ‘Tomorrow […]

Ray Rice cage match Las Vegas

Ray Rice And Wife Janay Announce Charity Cage Match In Las Vegas

Las Vegas, NV — Just days after the elevator knockout heard around the world, Ray Rice and wife Janay have announced a charity cage match to help abused women in India. “This is for a really good cause,” Janay Rice told reporters. “We’re going to turn this negativity into something positive. The money raised from […]

MORE SUPER OFFICIAL NEWS

>> SUPER OFFICIAL BREAKING NEWS:
[Updated 03-18-14] News that Fred Phelps with the Westboro Baptist Church finally dieing is fantastic! It does not matter what your beliefs are in anything, all this guy did was bad. He tried to stop love by spreading hate. And he did. People hate Fred Phelps. But now, and hopefully soon, this pure evil will be gone from the planet. That is great news!

The 4th of July celebrates a victory over an oppressive government. Right now it seems like we're in the same position we were in before, but a lot worse.

The corrupt banking system, unnecessary wars, the 1% in total power, Wall Street, unemployment, the recession, the debt, whistleblowers getting locked up, the Federal Reserve, huge corporations buying politicians, Drones, TSA, NDAA, NWO, PRISM and the NSA... just to name a few.

This country needs a new 4th of July.

[Updated 06-26-13] My hero, Edward Snowden, current hide-and-seek champion of the world. Click here for full image!

[Updated 06-24-13] Oh wow, George Zimmerman quit his job and even resigned from the Men's Wearhouse board of directors. I didn't even know that was the same guy. I wonder if his last words to Trayvon Martin were, "You're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it."

On a somewhat related note: To the 8th grade girl that sat behind me in English class when I lived in Minnesota who I talked to once which included the exact six words, "Can I please borrow a pencil?" I'm friends with you on here for some reason. So please get super offended by the above joke and delete me. Thank you so much!

[Updated 06-17-13] This is Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin's new movement to inform the general public about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. If it can save just one soul, this multi-million dollar ad campaign will be worth it! Click here to see one of their first nationwide ads.

[Updated 06-05-13] New Study Proves Global Climate Change Is Linked Directly To Masturbation!

A recent study by the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow has revealed that masturbation is the primary cause for warming, rising sea levels, and an increase in severe weather.

Masturbation causes friction and heavy breathing, both result in heat and CO2 emissions. The Semen result from masturbation runs to the oceans where it sinks to the bottoms forever raising the sea level.

For more information on this groundbreaking find, please visit STOP Masturbation NOW. It is never too late to stop masturbating and save this planet before it turns into a flaming, molten lava fireball of terror and destruction that will kill us all.

[Updated 05-25-13] COMING SOON! Super Official News Presents: Twenty Slow News Days. Available for download on iPad, iPod, iPhone, Kindle etc. This will be the best book you have ever read in your entire life. To view a full size of the cover, click here.

[Updated 04-15-13] Welcome to the new members of the Super Official Action News Team! Of course you already know Blaine Anderson (center), but now joining him will be Nathan McDaniels (left) and Dariusz Krawczyk (right). Welcome aboard new team members! Lets make Super Official News the most super and official news site on the planet!

[Updated 04-11-13] GREAT NEWS EVERYONE! We raised the $10,000,000 ransom that was demanded by North Korea for the safe release of Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin! Thanks to your tax payer dollars, Fappy® is now a free dolphin! Fappy® says it was a long 7 days being held captive without food or water but he's looking forward to being in Seattle, Washington on April 12th. While there he will be speaking with various elementary schools in the area about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. Fappy® only has 20 cities left on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour. If your school would like Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin to speak to your students please contact us immediately as spaces are extremely limited. Praise Fappy®!

[Updated 04-04-13] We have just received word from Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin in North Korea. The conversation was brief, but apparently Dennis Rodman is planning to team up with Kim Jung Un to rule the world. It is still unclear what their policies on masturbation will be, but Fappy® will definitely get to the bottom of this mess. In the meantime, please take two seconds and sign the following petition to help us deport Dennis Rodman from the United States. Thank you!

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