Archives for September 2013

Obama Declares November National Muslim Appreciation Month

September 26, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Obama announces Muslim appreciation month for November

President Obama announcing the month of November to officially be ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’.

Washington, DC — President Barack Obama held a press conference to announce that he is declaring the month of November ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’.

“The Muslim community deserves our full acceptance and respect,” Obama told reporters. “We have killed millions of Muslims overseas since the September 11th attacks. They are not all bad. In fact most of them are good. So from now on, November will be a month to celebrate the Muslim community, the Sunnah and the Quran.”

Khaled Matei who is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood‘s Freedom and Justice Party told CNN he is pleased with Obama and his actions. “I spoke with President Obama by telephone yesterday and personally thanked him for what he is doing for the Muslim community,” Matei said. “This is definitely a step in the right direction I explained to him. Praise Allah.”

Obama informed reporters about his future plans for helping Muslims around the world. “I will be working with Congress in making it easier for Muslims to earn a Green Card and achieve American citizenship,” Obama said. “Currently as it stands, obtaining a Visa or Green Card for a Muslim is very difficult. There are too many background checks in place and I plan to fix that.” Obama continued, “Muslims are hardworking people who are just looking to live the American Dream like the rest of us. Mr. Matei of the Muslim Brotherhood assured me they want to come to this country to help us, not harm us.”

Obama finished the press conference by explaining to reporters how happy he was with America. “Folks, there is no way we could have had a ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’ 20 years ago. That really says a lot about the growth and progress of this great country.”

‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’ begins November 1st and will end at midnight on November 30th. For any questions or comments please contact the 24-hour National Muslim Appreciation Hotline at (785) 273-0325.

###

Filed Under: Education, News, Politics, Religion Tagged With: , , ,

Utah City Makes Porn Illegal – 30 Days In Jail For First Offense

September 23, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Porn banned in St. George, Utah

A sign in front of a restaurant in downtown St. George.

St. George, UT — One city in Utah has decided it has had enough porn in their town and is taking the drastic measure of banning all pornography along with making it a criminal offense. In a unanimous decision by the city council of St. George, Utah, a law was passed making the possession of any pornographic related material in the city limits a crime punishable by 30 days in jail.

Mayor Arthur McDaniel told CNN he is excited about the new law. “It’s time a city steps up and sets a precedent that this disgusting filth that has plagued this great country of ours for generations will no longer be tolerated,” McDaniel said. “Pornography is a defiant act against Jesus and his teachings. The rest of the country can keep their heads in the sand about this smut and corruption to our children, but not the great city of St. George. I can only hope and pray other cities and states follow suit.”

The ban on pornography in St George takes effect November 1st of this year. Sheriff Paul Covington explained to reporters about the criminal implementation of the upcoming ban. “Our police force will be targeting anyone selling, distributing or using pornographic material including but not limited to magazines, toys, movies and of course the internet; basically anything that is porn related. Anyone in violation of this new law will be subject to a jail sentence of no less than 30 days,” Covington said. “We will also be removing certain produce from our grocery stores; we know all the tricks of a sexual deviant.”

48-year-old St. George resident Myron Danus told reporters he does not approve of the ban. “I don’t care if this is a Mormon backwards state or not, this is a free country and I can watch porn if I damn well please,” Danus said. “If I want to watch naked girls, that’s my business. I’ll be the first one down there in front of the courthouse with a Playboy magazine in one hand and tub of Vaseline in the other.”

According to recent porn data usage released by pornhub.com; the average visit duration time of a resident in Utah is a little over ten minutes. The top three porn searches for Utah is ‘compilation’, ‘teen’ and ‘hentai’.

The town of St. George has a population of 75,561 as of the 2012 census and is located in the southwestern part of Utah on the Arizona border. So far state officials in Utah have yet to make a formal statement concerning the ban on pornography.

###

Filed Under: Internet, Love, Politics, Religion Tagged With: , , ,

City In Louisiana Makes ‘Twerking’ Illegal – 30 Days In Jail For First Offense

September 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Twerking illegal in Louisiana

Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke twerking at the MTV VMAs last month.

DeQuincy, LA — The dance craze twerking has become such a problem in the small town of DeQuincy, Louisiana that city officials have made it illegal.

Maynard Wilkens who is the Mayor of DeQuincy spoke to CNN about the ban on twerking that takes effect at midnight. “Twerking is a defiant act against Jesus and his teachings. The rest of the country can keep their heads in the sand about this sexual act before marriage, but not the great city of DeQuincy,” Wilkens said. “We will still allow dancing in DeQuincy, just no jigglin’, shakin’ and ‘dry humping’ anywhere in our city limits.”

Bobby Joe Williams who is the sheriff in the town told reporters about the penalties for those caught twerking. “First time offenders will receive a mandatory 30 days in the county jail. After that it will be a much harsher punishment,” Williams said. “We are not taking this matter lightly. There ain’t gonna be no twerkin’ in my city, not no more.”

24-year-old DeQuincy resident Brandon Adams told reporters he does not agree with the new law. “There is nothing to do in this town, seriously. Twerking is all us kids had left and now they’re taking it away from us,” Adams said. “I don’t see what the big deal is. At least we weren’t out causing trouble, sniffing glue and breaking stuff. I guess we’ll now have to go back to doing that.”

Twerking is a type of dancing in which the dancer, usually a woman, shakes her hips up-and-down in a bouncing motion, causing the dancer’s buttocks to shake, ‘wobble’ and ‘jiggle’ in a sexually provocative manner. The origins of twerking are unknown but were recently made popular by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke‘s performance at the MTV VMAs last month.

The town of DeQuincy has a population of 3,398 as of the 2000 census. DeQuincy is part of the Lake Charles Metropolitan Statistical Area. So far state officials in Louisiana have yet to make a formal statement concerning the ban on twerking.

###

Filed Under: Entertainment, Misc, Music, News Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Biggest Penis In The World

September 5, 2013 by 2 Comments

The record for the biggest penis size in the entire world belongs to 34-year-old Paul Horner from Phoenix, Arizona. He has by far the biggest penis in the world. The parents of Paul Horner are said to be very proud of their son and his huge penis.

The women all over the world fall in love with Paul not just because of his good looks, charming personality, witty sense of humor, enormous amount of wealth, but also because he has an extremely large penis. So obviously, he is quite the catch.

In summation:

Who has the biggest sized penis in the world? Paul Horner from Phoenix, AZ has the biggest penis in the world.

What is the biggest? Paul’s penis.

Who decided this? The world and Google.

Proof:

Biggest penis in the world

Filed Under: Education, Entertainment, Internet, News Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,