Banksy Arrested; Identity Revealed

London, England — The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, film director, painter and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by London’s Metropolitan Police. After hours of questioning and a raid of his London art studio, his true name and identity have finally been revealed.

The City of London Police say Banksy’s real name is Paul Horner, a 35-year old male born in Liverpool, England. The BBC has confirmed this information with Banky’s PR agent Jo Brooks along with Pest Control, a website that acts as a handling service on behalf of the artist.

London Police Chief Lyndon Edwards held a press conference to answer questions about Banksy and how Horner was finally apprehended after all these years on the run.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Task Force monitoring different groups where Banksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am a group of individuals left a flat speculated to be one of Banky’s art studios. This group was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the group, 5 men total. These individuals all had ID on them except for one, and that is the one we believed to be Banksy,” Edwards said. “We then raided the studio where this group was last seen leaving from. Inside we found thousands of dollars of counterfeit money along with future projects of vandalism. We also found a passport and ID of a Paul Horner who matched the description of the man that we are currently holding.” Edwards continued, “Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, conspiracy, racketeering and counterfeiting. We are also holding the other four individuals whose names we are not releasing at this time.”

Horner was arrested by London Police in Watford, a town and borough in Hertfordshire, England, about 17 miles northwest of central London.

The graffiti artist that goes by the name Space Invader told reporters he does not agree with the arrest or outing of Banksy’s identity.

“He’s just doing art, spreading joy and making political statements the best way he knows how. That is what he was doing and I hope that is what he’ll continue to do,” Invader said. “For the London Police to setup some 24-hour task force just to catch Banksy is ridiculous. I hope we hear plenty of noise from the good tax-paying citizens of London about this.”

After today’s arrest it is unclear who else will be sought in connection with Banksy’s arrest. CNN spoke with John Hawes who is a project manager for Banksy says he is worried that charges could be brought against him also.

“If they spent this many man-hours and brought this many charges against Banksy, I can’t imagine that he’ll be the only one to go down in all of this,” Hawes said. “All the beauty Paul Horner brought to this world, unfortunately the London Police just see it as vandalism and want to lock him up. It’s such a shame.”

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The Big Lewbowski 2 Announced: Filming Begins January 2015

The Big Lewbowski 2

The Big Lebowski 2 has been announced starring Jeff Bridges, John Goodman and Bill Murray.

Hollywood, CA — Exciting news for Big Lebowski fans around the world as a sequel to the cult classic has just been announced.

Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, directors of the first Lebowski movie, confirmed with E! Online they will both be returning to direct the sequel.

“We’re thrilled to be coming back to film a second part to this classic movie,” Ethan Coen said. “For years we’ve been staying away from doing this project but when we received this new script and the cast fell into place, it was a no-brainer. We just had to do it.”

Gage Luce, who helped write the new script, spoke with CNN to shed light on the plot behind the highly anticipated sequel.

“Now 17 years later, Maude Lewbowski (played by Julianne Moore) informs The Dude (Jeff Bridges) that they conceived a son together and that he has been kidnapped. The Dude teams up with his estranged brother, played by actor Bill Murray, and fellow bowling partner Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) to track down the child’s whereabouts.”

Murray spoke with TMZ and said he is excited to play a main character in the upcoming Lebowski sequel.

“I always loved the first movie, so when the Coen brothers approached me and offered me the role of The Dude’s long lost brother, I couldn’t say no,” Murray said. “I’ve been fortunate enough to read the entire screenplay and I can say without a doubt old and new fans are going be in for a real treat.” Murray continued, “I’m embarrassed to say that I thought I was working with the Coen brothers when I voiced the Garfield movie back in 2004, but that turned out to be Joel Cohen and not Joel Coen. At least I know I’m working with the right Coen brothers this time.”

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Satire Site Predicted September 11 Attacks; FBI Arrests Author In Early Morning Raid

Phoenix, AZ — An Arizona man was arrested by federal agents early this morning after learning he had written a satirical article about the tragic events of September 11th, 2001 one day before they actually occurred.

According to NPR, the story was published September 10th, 2001 on the satirical website National Report and titled, ‘Tomorrow Will Be A Blast! Planes And Towers And Jihads! Oh My!’ Currently the page is still showing the title though the content of the story has been removed and replaced with bold red letters which read, ‘CONTENT REMOVED UPON REQUEST’. The date is hidden but scrolling over the text which says, ‘Posted about 13 years ago’, will show a date and time of ‘September 10th, 2001 at 12:20 PM’.

A screenshot from the satirical article that predicted the events from September 11th, 2001:

Satire site predicts 9/11


FBI agents along with SWAT raided the residence of 35-year-old Paul Horner early this morning at his home in Phoenix, Arizona. Agents arrested the man and was taken into custody. Horner is the author of the article in question who writes under the pen name Darius Rubics.

Tom Downey who is an avid reader of National Report told CNN he read the article that was posted 13 years ago.

“I remember reading that article when it was published,” Downey said. “The next day when the story came true, I was completely shocked. I called the local police here to let them know what I had read. They thanked me for the tip and I never heard anything after that. I have no clue why they’re arresting the author of the story now.”

Comments posted on the article dated September 10th, 2001:

Comments left on satire article that predicted 9/11

So far the content of the story is unclear. What took so long for this story to catch the eye of authorities is unknown.

Horner is not the first one to predict 9/11. On a broadcast on June, 28th of 2001 Bill Cooper would make the prediction that 9/11 would happen and Osama Bin Laden would be blamed. Cooper was shot and killed by police just a few months later.

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Ray Rice And Wife Janay Announce Charity Cage Match In Las Vegas

Ray Rice cage match in Las Vegas

Poster for the Rice vs. Rice cage match being held in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand next month. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Las Vegas, NV — Just days after the elevator knockout heard around the world, Ray Rice and wife Janay have announced a charity cage match to help abused women in India.

“This is for a really good cause,” Janay Rice told reporters. “We’re going to turn this negativity into something positive. The money raised from this will help thousands of women in India get a proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more!”

MGM Grand spokesman Paul Horner told CNN he is excited about the upcoming event. “Tickets went on sale this morning for the ‘Elevator Showdown’ and we’re already more than halfway sold out. This is something everyone wants to see because the elevator video we all saw wasn’t enough. Society’s taste for violence will be satisfied next month when these two meet in the cage to settle their differences once and for all. This is going to be the cage match of the century!”

Rice told reporters he’s looking forward to the cage match being held at the MGM Grand next month.

“This time she’s not going to be able to just fall on the ground and act like she’s knocked out. If she tries that again it’s really going to be lights out for her. I’ll teach her to respect a man,” Rice said. “I’m really excited about how much money this will raise to help woman in India that are in abusive relationships.”

“In the video people saw that I was only able to hit Ray in the face a few times, but that’s nothing,” Janay told reporters. “On October 24th, I’ll get my revenge. After I’m done with him I’ll make sure he can’t walk right. It’s not like he’ll be playing football any time soon.” Janay laughs.

The Baltimore Ravens, who cut Rice on Monday, donated five thousand Ray Rice jerseys to a local battered women’s shelter. What the woman will do with the jerseys is still unclear.

Vegas oddsmakers so far have Rice winning the cage match but insiders say a knockout by Janay is extremely possible with that paying out 7-1. Giveindia.org gives 90% of the money it collects directly to the cause of helping women in India. The ‘Elevator Showdown’ is scheduled for 5 rounds and will be held at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada at 8pm on October 24th. Tickets can be purchased online or by calling (785) 273-0325.

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Facebook Adding ‘Satire’ Tags To Fox News Articles

Menlo Park, CA — What some are calling a “harmless prank” is being taken very seriously by the Fox News Channel. On Sunday, the links on Facebook which display related articles by Fox News were showing ‘satire’ tags beside them. No one is sure if this is permanent, temporary or a mistake, but lawyers of Fox are not taking the issue lightly.

“This is a programmer or someone at Facebook, a comedian,” Paul Horner, a lawyer for Fox News told reporters. “If these tags are not removed in 48 hours Facebook will have a multimillion dollar lawsuit on their hands.”

Fox News has satire tags on Facebook

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Teenage Gamer Who Swatted Rival Sentenced To 25 Years To Life In Federal Prison

Gaming swatting sentenced to 25 years to life in federal prison

15-year-old Paul Horner reacting to a judges ruling which sentenced the young man to 25 years in prison on multiple domestic terrorism charges. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

DeQuincy, LA — In a Louisiana courtroom today, 15-year-old Paul Horner broke down in tears after a judge found the young man guilty on two counts of domestic terrorism and was sentenced to twenty-five years to life in federal prison.

Horner is the first person in history to be charged with what is known as ‘swatting‘, a growing trend in which a person anonymously files a false police report, such as a murder or bomb threat, in hopes of provoking the police to raid an individual’s home or business. Prosecutors in the case proved that Horner called in multiple false threats against rival online gamers, resulting in SWAT team raids of their residence.


“Swatting” is a new fad among gamers targeting those who “livestream“, broadcasting themselves and their game play live over the Internet to fans and in-game rivals alike. If a gamer is able to ascertain the personal information of a rival, by locating their IP and residential address, they will call in a dangerous threat to law enforcement and watch as the “livestreamer’s” house is forcibly entered by police.

The practice of “SWATTING” was recently brought to national attention by the YouTube video: The Creatures (Kootra) got SWAT Raided (SWATTED) #FreeKootra2014. Law Enforcement agencies say that the practice, which has been occurring with increasing frequency since 2013, wastes valuable resources and places innocent people in harm’s way. The 2014 incident, which resulted in the charges against Horner, are a prime example of this.

Defense lawyers told the courtroom that Horner, who goes by the gamertag BadAssDwg69, was upset after being repeatedly beaten by a fellow gamer at Battlefield 4. After obtaining the rival gamers information, prosecutors say Horner called police and reported a murder/hostage situation at the home. SWAT team then raided the house, shooting and critically injuring the “Livestreamer’s” father in the process. Following an investigation of the incident, Horner was charged as an adult, using provisions of the 2001 Patriot Act. Horner’s guilty charge stems from two counts of domestic terrorism, related to his manipulation of an enforcement response, and injuries to innocents resulting from those actions.

Prosecutors played audio of Horner’s 911 phone call to the jury:

“I just shot and killed four people. If any police enter my home I will kill them too,” the statement read in part.

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Breaking Bad Season 6 Announced; Begins Shooting January 2015

Hollywood, CA — Breaking Bad fans around the world are celebrating the stunning, glorious and amazing news announced today: Walter White is not dead, and there will indeed be a sixth season of the wildly-popular, award-winning AMC drama.

This shocking and exciting news comes not from an internet message board or the rumor mill but from series creator Vince Gilligan. In an exclusive CNN interview this afternoon, Gilligan dropped the bombshell.

“Walter White is not dead, and neither is Breaking Bad,” said the 47-year-old writer, director, and executive producer of the groundbreaking show.

“We’ve kept it under wraps for months, now the cat’s out of the bag: Season 6 is coming, and it’s going to be epic and true to the fans that have followed the show so incessantly.”

Gilligan explained his decision to continue with the popular series.

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Facebook Drug Task Force Will Begin Monitoring All Messages October 1st

Facebook Drug Task Force or the FDTF

Mark Zuckerberg speaking to reporters about the new Facebook Drug Task Force or FDTF which will begin monitoring all messages in October. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Menlo Park, CA — The Facebook Drug Task Force or FDTF, will begin monitoring all Facebook postings and messages of its users for drug activity beginning October 1st.

Chairman and chief executive of Facebook, Inc., Mark Zuckerberg, spoke with CNN about the FDTF. “The task force was created to keep users of Facebook safe,” Zucckerberg said. “The FDTF will be working directly with the Drug Enforcement Agency and local law enforcement agencies. We’re gonna put away the bad guys.” Zuckerberg continued, “Online crime has risen to all-time highs. As the world’s number one social networking site I feel it is our job to protect our users from such deadly things as drugs.”


Paul Horner, spokesman for the DEA, told reporters he is excited to see Facebook going forward with their decision to implement a drug task force. “I’m thrilled,” Horner said. “We’re going to get all the drug pushers and dope addicts off Facebook once and for all. The marijuana junkies think they can socialize on the line with their fellow druggies, well, not on my watch. We’re gonna read their messages, we’re gonna build cases against them, and we’re gonna put em’ all in prison. It’s going to be beautiful.”

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Facebook Drug Task Force To Begin Operating October 1st

Mark Zuckerberg Facebook Drug Task Force

Mark Zuckerberg speaking to reporters about the new Facebook Drug Task Force the company is implementing October 1st. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Menlo Park, CA — Beginning October 1st, Facebook will be implementing a drug task force designed to arrest those who buy and sell narcotics while using the online social networking site. Facebook is calling the group the Facebook Drug Task Force, or FDTF, and will be monitoring all postings and messages created by its users.

Chairman and chief executive of Facebook, Inc., Mark Zuckerberg, spoke with CNN about the FDTF. “The task force was created to keep users of Facebook safe,” Zucckerberg said. “The FDTF will be working directly with the Drug Enforcement Agency and local law enforcement agencies. We’re gonna put away the bad guys.” Zuckerberg continued, “Online crime has risen to all-time highs. As the world’s number one social networking site I feel it is our job to protect our users from such deadly things as drugs.”


Paul Horner, spokesman for the DEA, told reporters he is excited to see Facebook going forward with their decision to implement a drug task force. “I’m thrilled,” Horner said. “We’re going to get all the drug pushers and dope addicts off Facebook once and for all. The marijuana junkies think they can socialize on the line with their fellow druggies, well, not on my watch. We’re gonna read their messages, we’re gonna build cases against them, and we’re gonna put em’ all in prison. It’s going to be beautiful.”

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Woman Stoned To Death For Working On The Sabbath; Church Takes Bible Literally

Alabama Church takes Bible literally. Woman stoned to death for working on Sunday or the Sabbath.

Reverend Paul Horner, seen here, leading his congregation in singing ‘Amazing Grace’ in memory of Brandy Hull. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Huntsville, AL — A 31-year-old pregnant woman, wife and mother of three, was brutally murdered after she was seen working on Sunday, or the Sabbath, by a fellow member of the church.

Brandy Hull, a devoted member of ‘Paul Church’, a church which takes the Bible literally, was working at ‘Hank’s Bass Pro Shop’ on Sunday when she was confronted by churchgoer Richard Mayo. Employees say a heated argument broke out which forced store manager Steve Wesby to intervene and remove Mayo from the premises. When Hull left work later that day, that is when Mayo attacked the woman. Mayo began throwing large rocks at Hull until she was bludgeoned to death.

Mayo killed Hull based on the Bible’s teachings of verse Exodus 31:15 which says that for six days work is to be done, but the seventh day is a day of Sabbath rest, holy to the Lord. Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day is to be put to death.

Detective Thomas Kelly held a press conference on the church’s steps to discuss the case and answer questions for reporters. “At this time we believe 58-year-old Richard Charles Mayo acted alone. There is no evidence of other individuals who were involved or conspired with Mayo to carry out this horrible act.”


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Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Westview Elementary School in Apple Valley, Minnesota while on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Creve Coeur, MO — A federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization claims that another federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization has violated their intellectual property and is now suing for millions.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and their parent organization Stop Masturbation Now have accused Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Shark of using the same name of their famous dolphin mascot, ‘Fappy’. According to the suit, they believe that using the name “causes a likelihood of confusion”.

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President Obama Raising The Minimum Drinking Age To 24 In October

Obama raising the minimum drinking age to 24

Obama announced his decision to raise the minimum drinking age to 24 in a press conference at the White House today. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Washington, DC — In a press conference at the White House today, President Barack Obama announced his controversial decision to raise the minimum drinking age from 21 to 24 years of age.

“We need to work harder to protect the young people in this country,” Obama told reporters. “Our young folks are dying from alcohol related deaths at all-time record numbers. It is our job as parents to safeguard our children from these kinds of dangers.” Obama continued, “That is why beginning October 1st , all alcohol related purchases will be required to be made by individuals 24-years-old or older. This will benefit everyone and make America a safer place.”

Small business owners around the country were up in arms after Obama made the announcement. “This is absolutely ridiculous,” said 35-year-old Paul Horner, owner of a popular drinking establishment in Phoenix, Arizona called The Lost Leaf. “We rely heavily on the business that the 21-23 crowd provide. This new law enforcing a minimum drinking age of 24 will destroy our business and others just like it. Obama needs to reconsider his actions before real harm is done.”

There has been controversy for years whether 21 is too young to buy alcohol and make decisions.


53-year-old Martha Carlson of MADD said the group is thrilled with the news. “This is a great thing that President Obama has done. Research has shown time and time again that a higher drinking age would save thousands of lives every year. This is due to fewer alcohol-related traffic fatalities among underage drivers and all the health related incidents that would be avoided. This is his legacy, by far his greatest achievement ever. Praise Obama!”

Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky told CNN he does not agree with Obama and his announcement to raise the minimum drinking age. “By not putting this for a vote in front of Congress, Obama has clearly defied everything the Constitution stands for,” Paul said. “We can not let this man stomp all over the legal process in this country.”

The minimum age debate began in 1971 when Congress dropped the voting age from 21 to 18. After that many states followed suit and lowered the drinking age to 18 as well.

By 1980, more than half the states in the U.S. had lowered their minimum drinking age, usually from 21 to 18. But when research showed an increase in traffic fatalities in these states, things began to revert back.

On July 17, 1984, President Ronald Reagan signed the National Minimum Drinking Age Act which set the minimum drinking age to 21. Reports found that teens get drunk twice as fast as adults and have more trouble knowing when to stop. The research proved that teens overdo it with alcohol and binge drink more often than adults. The law was created to reduce traffic crashes, protect young people’s health, and keep people safer overall.

Myron Danus, spokesman for the International Center for Alcohol Policies or ICAP told Fox News he believes things are going backwards with today’s decision by the Administration. “If kids can die protecting their country, they should be able to drink a beer. What Obama has done is just plain wrong but I guess only time will tell.”

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Governor Jan Brewer Pardons Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin For Masturbating In Public

Jan Brewer pardons Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin AKA Paul Horner

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer seen here making the pardon for Paul Horner AKA Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin official / Photo courtesy of PhotosByJoseMunoz.com

Phoenix, AZ — Arizona Governor Jan Brewer announced her controversial decision today granting a full pardon to 35-year-old Phoenix resident Paul Horner, known to his thousands of followers as Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. Horner made world news last month after his ironic arrest for public masturbation.

“I did a lot of soul searching before making this decision,” Brewer told CNN. “We all make mistakes in life. When it comes down to it, we must ask ourselves, would a person like Mr. Horner be better for society locked up behind bars or outside helping the children of this great country learn about the dangers of masturbation? I think the question answers itself.”

Horner, who was arrested last month outside Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows, said he is thrilled with the governor’s decision. “This makes Fappy® very happy,” Horner told reporters. “To be honest I would have been fine either way, in jail, out of jail, it doesn’t matter; my message always stays the same. The prisons in Arizona are just a hotbed of self-rape, that I had planned to fix. Maybe I’ll get a chance to do this the next time I get arrested.” Horner continued, “Thank you Jan Brewer, you are now a member of team Fappy® and we’re glad to have you!”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy® has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn about living a masturbation-free lifestyle. During all his years of visiting schools around the world, Fappy® has collected thousands of signatures from children promising never to masturbate; he has done great things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media had portrayed Fappy® after the arrest. Paul Horner is a great man. He is passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy®, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. That all could have been ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh. Arizonans are lucky to have such a fine governor like Brewer, one who steps in like that to help those who are really in need. She’s a magical woman and loves everyone, of course except the blacks, Mexicans and the gays. Praise Jan Brewer! Praise Fappy®!”

Many governors are reluctant to grant pardons. The reason, according to analysts, is mostly political. Statistically, if you are convicted of a felony in Arizona, you are more likely to be struck by lightning than granted clemency by the governor. Excluding the cases of inmates nearing the end of a terminal illness, Brewer is on track to grant the fewest clemency cases in more than two decades — even when a judge and unanimous board recommend a shorter sentence. What made the governor have a change of heart with Fappy®, one may never know.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach both children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call (785) 273-0325.

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Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here speaking to children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Evergreen Elementary School in Los Angeles, California while on his nationwide tour.

Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The group recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Tom Downey with the Phoenix Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Arizona news station ABC 15 about the arrest. “We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the devil’s playground, stop pounding their devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Things got very odd when Horner broke down crying in the back of my cruiser and began making noises, kind of like a fish, saying that he believed himself to be an actual dolphin. It was really strange.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done great things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

Horner told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. “I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love and miss you all,” Horner said. “You have my word that I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.”

On the group’s Facebook page this morning, news was posted of the arrest.

I have some bad news everyone. I want you to hear it here first before the media outlets spread their lies about the incident. Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is Paul Horner, was arrested yesterday by Phoenix police. Our lawyers tell us he is being charged with public masturbation, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. He is currently being held at the 4th Avenue Jail in Phoenix, Arizona until a bond is set by a judge, this happening hopefully soon. Please don’t jump to any conclusions about this until we have all the evidence. Please keep Fappy in your prayers during this difficult time.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach both children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call (785) 273-0325.

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First Gay Marriage To Be Held At The White House

Obama and the Muslim Brotherhood


President Obama, seen here with his brother, Malik Obama from Kenya, is just one member of the Muslim Brotherhood who plans to attend the gay wedding between Michael Sam and Vito Cammisano to be held at the White House. (AP Photo/Michael Kortas)

Washington, DC — In what is being dubbed as the “Wedding Of The Century”, openly-gay football star of the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam and his long-time boyfriend, Vito Cammisano, are to be married at the White House, with President Barack Obama overseeing the Muslim themed event.

At a press conference on Saturday, Obama spoke with reporters about the gay wedding to be held at the White House.

“These are amazing times my friends. I am proud to be part of an era where two grown men can fall in love, and have it accepted by the majority of the American citizens. What better place to join these two men in holy matrimony than the White House,” Obama said. “I am thrilled to be a part of this historic event.”

President Obama has long been a staunch supporter of gay rights, even signing the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act in 2009.


Muhammad El-Sayed, who is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood’s Freedom and Justice Party told CNN that he is pleased with Obama and his actions. “I spoke with President Obama by telephone yesterday after his announcement and personally thanked him for what he is doing. Not just for the Muslim community, but for all non-Christians living in this country”, El-Sayed said. “We need to make this Muslim-themed wedding absolutely amazing, even if it is between two men. Praise Allah.”

Others were not so supportive of the gay wedding to be held at the White House. Michele Bachmann told Fox News, “This is everything that is wrong with America. Our country was founded as a Christian nation, and that’s a fact! The Holy Bible tells us that marriage is between a man and a woman. These people are making a mockery of this sacred, heterosexual union. What’s next, a toaster and a man getting married? A dog and a woman getting married? Giving homosexuals the right to marry is a slippery slope, and Obama should be ashamed of himself. What kind of message does this send to the young people of today?”

Tax payers are also a bit miffed at the wedding expenses, which are expected to be in the millions. All the guests will be put up at local Washington DC five star hotel, The Jefferson and flown in by private jet.


Members of the guest list include, Ellen Degeneres, Neil Patrick Harris, George Clooney, Malik Obama, Paul Horner and leaders from both the Muslim Brotherhood, and LGBTQ groups. Entertainment will be a healthy mix of pop, and traditional Muslim tunes from such acts as Kanye West, Yusuf Islam, Seven 8 Six and Beyonce Knowles.

Obama will serve as the “Maulavi“, which is the Islamic version of an ordained minister. The Commander And Chief will also perform the entire ceremony, called a “Nikaah“, in his native Islamic tongue, and he and his wife, Michelle Obama, will be robed in traditional Muslim clothing.

Sam’s fiance, Vito Cammisano, 23-year-old grandson of late Mafia boss William (Willie the Rat) Cammisano — who reportedly got his name for the way he disposed of bodies — and the son of Gerlarmo Cammisano, 60, who followed in the family’s business and ended up doing prison time for running a Kansas City-based gambling ring, according to records. Vito converted to Islam two years ago, and has since gone onto disassociate himself from his family and their alleged mob-ties.

Sam, who came out during interviews with ESPN and The New York Times in February was selected by the Rams as the 249th overall pick in the 2014 NFL Draft.



Clay Aiken Shot In The Face

Clay Aiken

A Lego rendition of Clay Aiken taken just seconds before he was shot in the face at his New York City Penthouse on Saturday. (AP Photo/Orlin Wagner, File) / AP

New York City, NY — The Twittersphere is in a buzz with hashtags such as #AIKEN4EVER and #AIKENSHOTINFACE, after former “American Idol” star Clay Aiken was found dead with an apparent gun shot to the face. Police are ruling out suicide as the bullet entered through the glass window of Aiken’s New York City Penthouse.

“This was obviously done by some kind of sniper who did not like Aiken, and for good reason,” Police Detective Paul Horner told CNN Saturday morning. “The assassin was probably was a ninja dressed in black, or something super stealth, who really hated Clay Aiken. It’s too bad for Aiken that he was not wearing a bullet-proof vest. I’m sure there were talks of investing in one but those talks unfortunately came too late for Aiken.”

“He was just so g**damn gay, and then they killed him,” long-time person Keven Sanders of Las Vegas said. “Whenever someone would talk about Clay Aiken, the conversation would always start off about how many dudes he probably slept with and if he always wore a bullet proof vest, and if he wore the bullet proof vest while sleeping with the dudes. Everyone knew this was eventually going to happen.”

“We loved him so much,” 37-year-old Matthew Davis and his mother 67-year-old Martha Davis screamed. “It wouldn’t have even mattered if he always wore a bullet proof vest because a bullet proof vest doesn’t protect your face from being shot.” They then they proceeded to sing one of Aiken’s gay songs about rainbows or humanity or something.

Aiken was extremely popular with older lonely woman who were attracted to him or wanted him as their virtual child and men of all ages. Aiken was on the verge of securing the Democratic nomination Friday in North Carolina’s 2nd district, just three days after appearing to win the primary. The killer is described as a ninja in black possibly part of an elite sniper team. Any information please contact Detective Horner at (785) 273-0325. As always, you can remain anonymous.

Westboro Baptist Church Suing Funeral Protesters Of Fred Phelps

Fred Phelps Sr. prepares to protest outside the Kansas Statehouse in Topeka, Kansas

In this July 1, 2007 photo, the Rev. Fred Phelps Sr. prepares to protest outside the Kansas Statehouse in Topeka, Kansas. Phelps, the founder of the Kansas church known for anti-gay protests and pickets at military funerals, died Thursday, March 20, 2014. He was 84. (AP Photo/Orlin Wagner, File) / AP

“Any f*gs that wanna come out and protest my dad’s funeral better be ready for a lawsuit,” Fred Phelps‘s son, Timothy Phelps told CNN on Friday.

The threat of a lawsuit comes two days after the death of the Westboro Baptist Church founder. Phelps’ son, confirmed to Kansas’ WIBW that Phelps died “before midnight” on Wednesday at the age of 84.

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for the Westboro Baptist Church told reporters that the funeral for Fred Phelps would be closed to the public. “Show the man some respect on his well-deserved journey into Heaven,” Horner said. “No f*gs better show up with signs thinking that they’re being clever either. Any f*g caught protesting this great man’s funeral will get sued. This is their only warning so I won’t be repeating myself anytime in the near future.”

“I think it’s pretty ironic that this so called church is making these outrageous threats of a lawsuit,” said human rights activist Sarah Winters. “The Westboro Baptist Church is known for their actions against gay people; picketing is what they do. They hide behind the 1st Amendment and free speech and now that the tables have been turned they don’t want any part of it. This group continues to make me sick.”


The Westboro Baptist Church who is known for its extreme ideologies and picketing funerals, especially those against gay people, is not affiliated with any Baptist denomination. The Baptist World Alliance and the Southern Baptist Convention (the two largest Baptist denominations) have each denounced the WBC over the years. The church describes itself as following Primitive Baptist and Calvinist principles.

The funeral for Fred Phelps has not yet been scheduled.

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