Gay Wedding Mobile Vans Cashing In On The Legalization Of Gay Marriage

Since Friday, when the Supreme court ruled in favor of legalizing gay marriage, entrepreneurs around the world have been figuring out ways to cash in.

Phoenix, Arizona resident, Paul Horner told local news station ABC 15 how he got his business rolling.

“It was actually really simple,” Horner said. “I bought a van, fixed it up and added a sweet rainbow paint job. Then I went online and became an ordained minister, took me just a few minutes. Then I bought some camera equipment, flowers and some ingredients to make wedding cakes with; I’m good to go!”

Paul Horner gay marriage mobile
The Paul Horner Gay Marriage Mobile – Picture courtesy of Dennis System AP

These are interesting times and there is money in the streets. Who will be there to pick it up, I guess that is the question.

The US Mint Plans To Release Caitlyn Jenner Gold Coin

Caitlyn gold coin by the US Mint

The Caitlyn Jenner gold coin by the US Mint scheduled to be released July 4th. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Beginning July 4th, the US Mint will begin its limited release of Caitlyn Jenner Commemorative Gold Coins. The move is said to celebrate Caitlyn’s bravery and living the American dream.

“This coin symbolizes a shared history and friendship with the sports star,” said U.S. Mint Director Paul Horner.

The coin is legal tender and is struck from 14.1 grams of pure gold. The commemorative coin is available at the pre-issue price of $799.00 through August 4th, and $949.00 thereafter. To qualify for pre-issue discount prices, orders must be postmarked or received no later than July 4th, 2015 and a limit of 5 coins per household is strictly enforced.

The designer of the coin, Tom Downey, said he wanted to show Caitlyn in her true form.

“I wanted to capture Caitlyn in all of her beauty and grace showing just how brave she is.”

The Caitlyn Jenner gold coin can be purchased directly online at USMINT.gov or by calling (785) 273-0325.

Fight Club 2 Announced And Begins Filming In November Of This Year

Hollywood, CA — Fight Club fans around the world are celebrating as a sequel to the cult classic has just been announced. This is the must-see movie of the decade and probably the most highly anticipated film in recent memory.

David Fincher, director of the first Fight Club movie, confirmed with E! Online that production of Fight Club 2 will begin in November of this year.

Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, and Helena Bonham Carter also return in this action packed film about underground fight clubs and soap making.

“We’re thrilled to be coming back to film a second part to this classic movie,” Fincher told reporters. “For years we’ve been staying away from doing this project but when we received this new script and the cast fell into place, it was a no-brainer. We just had to do it.”

Paul Horner, who helped write the script, spoke with CNN to shed light on the plot behind the highly anticipated sequel.

“The movie picks right back up where it left off with Edward Norton and Marla Singer holding hands with the buildings coming down all around them. What happens in that part of the movie shows Project Mayhem attempting to outrun the FBI and other law enforcement agencies, while at the same time bringing down more of the Establishment that holds our society together,” Horner said. “Now skip ahead 17 years later, a son was conceived by Norton and Singer who has risen to power and with humanity slowly returning to the stone age, tribes are formed. This child begins creating factions around the world that flourish, but problems are always just around the corner,” Horner continues. “Now fast forward 200-5,000 years and you see the many offspring of Norton’s and Singer’s offspring have turned the remaining population of the world into one and that is the life they all know and accept.”

Horner speaks further with MSNBC about Brad Pitt and his role in the sequel.

“Brad Pitt will also be returning, but as a different entity; you’ll learn about Tyler Durden’s past along with his immortality, his eternal life and the ability to live forever. Without giving away too much, there are giant pyramids and makeshift cities, and the ironic twist to it all, those have now become the corporations controlling the population, something Project Mayhem had previously fought so hard to destroy. It’s going to be a fun ride, that’s for sure.”

Also making a dramatic appearance in the movie is acting legend Bill Murray. Murray spoke with TMZ and said he is extremely excited to play a serious role in the upcoming sequel.

“I always loved the first movie, so when David Fincher offered me the role of Edward Norton’s long lost father, I couldn’t say no,” Murray said. “I’ve been fortunate enough to read the entire screenplay and I can say without a doubt, old and new fans are going to be in for a real treat.”

Fight Club 2

Film critic Jill Bryan with the New York Times says this movie should be huge.

“I’m so thrilled this project is finally happening. With a movie by the extremely talented David Fincher you just can’t go wrong. This is definitely at the top of my list for most anticipated upcoming movies.”

The sequel to the film is loosely based on a comic written by Chuck Palahniuk, who also wrote the formative novel for the original Fight Club movie. Palahuniuk told CNN about his 10-issue maxiseries that was illustrated by Cameron Stewart.

“Fight Club 2 takes place alternately in the future and the past. It picks up a decade after the ending of his original book, where the protagonist is married to equally problematic Marla Singer and has a 9-year-old son named Junior, though the narrator is failing his son in the same way his dad failed him.”

In the interview, Palahniuk says readers will learn of Tyler Durden’s true origins.

“Tyler is something that has been around for centuries and is not just this aberration that popped into Edward Norton’s mind.”

Palahniuk brings back most of the characters in the first book as well as the organization Project Mayhem, which still has its hooks in the narrator as he has to save his boy when the youngster’s life is in peril.

The original Fight Club is a 1999 film directed by David Fincher and stars Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, and Helena Bonham Carter. Norton plays the unnamed protagonist, an “everyman” who is discontented with his white-collar job. He forms a “fight club” with soap maker Tyler Durden, played by Pitt, and they are joined by men who also want to fight recreationally. The narrator becomes embroiled in a relationship with Durden and a dissolute woman, Marla Singer, played by Bonham Carter.

The scheduled release date for Fight Club 2 is the Summer of 2017.

McDonald’s To Begin Employing Only Robots To Run It’s Store In Phoenix

Phoenix, Arizona  —  A McDonald’s restaurant in is scrapping the idea of employing humans to run its new store opening in Phoenix, Arizona and going with robots.
The robots will take orders, collect money, make food, you name and they can do it.

Paul Horner, the stores manager, and only human, told CNN he will be there for customer complaints and to make sure the robots run correctly.

“I’m proud to be a part of this. It’s the first time any store or restaurant will be run entirely be robots. I can’t wait.”

Will this be a good thing for humanity? Some think it is a step in the right direction and the future of fast food. Though critics like Michelle Bernstein disagree.

“Young kids, who can’t get jobs anywhere else rely on getting a job as McDonald’s,” Bernstein told reporters. “But now with the robots running the place, all those children will remain unemployed. It’s just so sad.”

I for one welcome are new burger overlords.

Pothole Activist Wanksy Has Been Arrested

London, England — The graffiti artist and pothole activist known as Wanksy has been arrested. The City of London Police told the BBC that Wanksy’s real name is Paul Edwin Horner.

Wanksy arrested in London
London Police Chief James Edwards held a press conference explain how Horner was finally apprehended.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Pothole Task Force monitoring different locations where Wanksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am an individual left a flat speculated to belong to Wanksy. This individual was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the man.”

Horner has been using industrial chalk to draw penises around potholes all over England to encourage crews to fix the eyesores quicker than they normally would.

27-year old Matthew Aldridge told reporters he was discouraged to learn of Wanksy’s arrest.

“What a waste of taxpayers money. Wouldn’t it be better spent fighting the war against drugs or violence ?”

Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, vigilantism, graffiti, and conspiracy; more charges may follow. If you know of any other charges that could be used against Horner, London Police working alongside with the F.B.I. have setup a hotline. Please call (785) 273-0325 and you can remain anonymous.

Hacked Email: Hillary Clinton Announces Michelle Obama As Her Vice President

Hillary Clinton Michelle Obama vice president and running mate for 2016In a hacked email by the hackivist group Anonymous, the First Lady Michelle Obama has accepted Hillary Clinton’s offer as running mate for the presidential election in 2016.

In a posting to the website Pastebin Hillary says:

“It thrills me that you have accepted my offer as my running mate in 2016, you will make a fine vice president.”

It is still unclear how Anonymous hacked the email account of Hillary Clinton.

The email from Pastebin reads:

#####################################################
# Hillary Clinton Email to Michelle Obama #
#####################################################
#To: mobama@whitehouse.gov #
#From: hdr22@clintonemail.com #
#Subject: Let’s get excited!!! #
# #
#Dearest Michelle, #
#It thrills me that you have accepted my offer as #
#my running mate in 2016, you will make a fine vice #
#president! #
# #
#Are you ready to shake up Washington? I sure hope #
#so. #
# #
#We’ll talk soon! #
# #
#Sincerely, #
# #
#Hillary Clinton #
#####################################################

Will Michelle Obama make a good running mate and vice president for Hillary Clinton, I guess time will only tell.

Facebook To Begin Charging Members $1.99/mo Starting In June

Facebook monthly fee of $1.99/mo to begin in JuneFacebook will begin charging its users $1.99/mo starting June 1st. The change takes place after Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a press conference today announcing the news.

“This is something that must be done,” Zuckerberg told reporters.

If you cannot afford the monthly fee, in a new status update, copy and paste the words, ‘I LOVE FACEBOOK AND I AM POOR SO PLEASE WAIVE MY MONTHLY FEE’. You must also include the hashtag #ILoveFacebookAndIAmPoor.

Will this be a good or bad thing for Facebook? Time will only tell.

President Obama To Raise Minimum Wage To $25/hr

Beginning in June President Obama will sign an executive order to raise the minimum wage to $25/hr. Some individuals agree with this and some do not.

Obama said this is thing that must be done to help the economy and lower the national debt.

Rand Paul says he does not agree with the decision made by Obama.

“This is the worse thing possible for this country,” Paul said. “Call your senators and congressmen. You must demand action before this goes into effect in June.”

DRUGS IN COLORADO: New Deadly Strain Of Marijuana Turning Users Gay

Just when you thought the drug problem in Colorado could not get any worse, law enforcement officials are now reporting incidents of marijuana users turning gay.



“We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Dr. Paul Horner of the Barrow Neurological Institute. “The drug users in Colorado are injecting a strain of marijuana that changes the chemical makeup in the brain. The drug effects the receptors that controls your like or dislike of the opposite sex.”



Tom Downey, the chief of operations at the DEA, told CNN that marijuana related problems in Colorado have quadrupled since the legalization of the drug. “I have to say this…going down the path to legalization in this country is reckless and irresponsible,” he said. “I’m talking about the long term impact of legalization in the United States. It scares us. And now that kids are turning gay from the drug, how much longer do politicians need to keep this deadly experiment going?”

John Winger from Denver told reporters about his experience using the drug. “Right after I injected the pot I knew something was wrong,” Winger said. “My male friend, who I don’t even really like, we were so high from this stuff, we started making out and giving each other HJ’s. I used to like girls, seriously. I wish I would have never tried drugs.”

“We don’t have a name yet for this new strain of gay marijuana,” Downey said. “I urge the great people of Colorado to be on the lookout for addicts, the sharing of pot needles and gay stoners. These potheads don’t care if they turn gay or not, all they care about is getting their next fix.”

The DEA is urging residents who have information about this homosex strain of marijuana to call the Denver Police Department at (785) 273-0325. As always, you can remain anonymous.





Parental Consent Form Required To Use Facebook For All Minors Beginning In June

Beginning June 1st, Facebook will require signed parental consent forms for any users under the age of 18. Those under the age of 18 will begin to receive consent forms in their Facebook inbox as soon as May 1st. To receive your form early, you can click this link here provided or call the 24-hour Facebook parental consent hotline at (785) 273-0325.

Official Facebook Parental Consent Form:
Facebook parental consent form

Please share this with anyone under the age of 18. Their life may just depend on it.

First Ever Head Transplant Is a Success

Doctors in Africa are reporting that a 36-year-old man has made an 80% recovery after receiving the first ever head transplant.

Horner, whose body was riddled with bone cancer, received the donor body from a 21-year-old man who has been brain dead from a car accident back in 2012.

Doctors are excited about the surgery and expect Horner to make a full recovery within one year.

One of the doctors that performed the surgery told reporters, “After the success of this surgery, the possibilities to saving and improving lives are infinite.”

Obama: New Bimonthly Church Services Starting May 1st, “Americans Work Harder When They Pray Less”

Washington, DC — At a press conference today, President Barack Obama announced he would be implementing a new law changing the current monthly 4-Week church services down to 2 times a month. Obama says during these rough economic times it crucial to take drastic measures so Americans can work work harder and pray less. These effects are to take place May 1st of this year and analyst expect this move to increase the economy by more than 40%.President Obama told CNN the reason for the changes.

“Americans tend to work hard and pray harder. I’m asking them to make these changes for the good of the country during these hard times,” Obama said. “If things don’t work out within 6 months we can always switch back to the old way, but for now, lets give this a solid shot and see where it takes us.” Obama says during these times it is crucial to take drastic measures so Americans can work work harder and pray less. There will be no hoarding and what a gallon of milk will cost you today will cost you a gallon of milk in 6 months. These are crucial times my friends and we must stick together as a county if we are going to succeed.”

36-year-old Paul Horner from Phoenix, Arizona told MSNCB he is not effected by Obama’s changes.

“I don’t even go to church, I think it’s for suckers,” said Horner. “A mystery man in the sky telling you what and what not to do; anyone that believes that is batsh*t and needs to get their head examined. Personally I enjoy my Sunday watching Football or mowing the lawn,” Horner said, “My wife yells at me for not gong to church and says I set a bad example for the children, but what does she know, she’s a woman who believes in a talking man in the sky.”

Obama finished the press conference by saying we must all unite or chaos and anarchy could happen.

“I’m implementing nationwide 10PM curfew for now on to protect our citizens and our streets.” Obama said. “This is not a police state, this is to safeguard the people of this great country and financially bring it back to what it once was.”

If you have any questions about President Obama’s new 2-week church schedule that will be taking place May 1st a hotline has been setup to answer all your questions at (785) 273-0325.

VIDEO: Obama Implements New Bimonthly Church Services May 1st

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About the author

Michael Davies

Reporting on all things fun and exciting! Michael Davies has won many awards including a Peabody and Pulitzer Prize, but says his proudest achievement in life is his 8-year-old girl name Heather.

3 Comments

  • This is bullshit! Just because Obama says I can’t go to church, well guess what buddy, I’m going to church!

  • Obama is always pulling some kind of nonsense…. taking away are freedom of speech and now our ability to go to church…. it’s for an uprising in this country!

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