14-year-old Jamal Williams in front of the Super School with his diploma he received in 6 months.
DeQuincy, LA — A small town in Louisiana is taking a new approach to education that has created quite the controversy and already has other cities considering doing the same.
In the past year the town of DeQuincy, Louisiana has torn down it’s elementary school, it’s middle school and turned their entire high school into what they are calling a Super School.
Paul Horner who is the superintendent of DeQuincy spoke to reporters and explained how their revolutionary new education system works. “It’s actually quite amazing. We have taken all the basics that are taught throughout a 12-year education and have compacted them down to a 6 month program,” Horner said. “In the real world, who actually uses Algebra or needs to know the political views of ancient Egypt?” Horner continued, “If the child does want to learn that kind of information, they can look it up on the internet which will all be covered in our 3 week computer science class.”
Maynard Jenkins who is the mayor of DeQuincy agrees with the new Super School. “I didn’t get any learnings when I was in school. I got all my learning from the streets and now look where I am today, I’m a gosh darn mayor,” Jenkins said. “With this Super School there will be no more 5th grade bullies or the social awkwardness of puberty, it will be just straight learning the basics.” Jenkins continued, “This whole 12 years of unnecessary education will give kids more time to be kids, get jobs and learn the tough reality of life.”
Prinicipal Shilda Vafaei talked to reporters about the new DeQuincy Super School. “When a child turns the ripe age of 14-years-old he or she will be taken, by force if necessary, to the brand new Super School. While there, they will eat, sleep, and learn,” Vafaei said. “The children will learn the absolute basics from such subjects as Math, Science, Social Studies, English and History.” Vafaei continued, “We know the child is ready to graduate when they can give correct change from a cash register, play Candy Crush Saga on Facebook and understand the concept of green means go and red means stop.”
According Joyce Barth who is a teacher at the Super School told reporters they also offer a one week sex education class that is mandatory. “Our goal is to teach children about living a masturbation-free lifestyle and not having sex until marriage,” Barth said. “Also, marriage with anyone you are related to is a big no-no. We have a problem with that here in DeQuincy.”
To learn more about the new Super School in DeQuincy or if you are interested in having your child enroll you can contact them online or call (785) 273-0325.
Ahluwalia told reporters why the event is so important. “This is a long time tradition in Punjab dating back thousands of years,” says Ahluwalia. “We rape the evil demons out of the girls, otherwise they will cheat on us and we will be forced to kill them. So it is win-win for everyone.” Ahluwalia continued, “The Punjab Rape Festival began in 43 BC when Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu raped everyone in his village of Ludhiana. Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu is remembered every year at this event, in fact the trophy given to the man with the most rapes is called ‘The Baalkrishan’.”
Paul Horner who heads up the organization, Joe Arpaio Sucks Dick (JASD) which has over 15 million members explained to reporters why Arpaio keeps getting re-elected every year. “The problem is, there is a lot of old white people in Arizona. Old white people are angry, confused and racist. Unfortunately these same old, angry, racist and confused white people vote. Once the old white people die, no one will vote for him anymore.”
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