Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook seen here announcing the new monthly fees that take effect August 14th, 2013.
UPDATE – This monthly fee in August of last year was never implemented. News that Facebook is charging a monthly fee of $2.99/mo beginning on November 1st, 2014 has been confirmed.
Silicon Valley, CA — Facebook held a press conference today to announce that starting August 14th they will begin charging members a $3.99 monthly fee to use their services. “After thinking long and hard about this decision, unfortunately we were forced to add this monthly fee,” Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg told reporters. “If we don’t do something about our rising costs now, Facebook could cease to exist in the near future.”
Facebook spokesman Paul Horner explained the reason for the monthly fee. “Economic times are tight. Our stock price is falling, the ads aren’t working, our server costs are going up as new members join,” Horner said. “All these costs add up, and we just can’t foot the bill any longer.”
Paul Covington from Dequincy, Louisiana said he is not pleased with this new fee that will be implemented by Facebook. “I can barely pay for all my monthly online porn subscriptions right now, and now this Zuckerberg character wants another $4 a month out of me? Well I don’t think so bud,” Covington said. “I dunno though, I do like using Facebook. That Farmville game on there cracks me up. Hey, look at me, I’m planting some carrots in a field around my kick *ss barn.” Covington continued, “Maybe I can just cancel bigbootyasianhos.com and then I’ll be able to afford this new fee. But I tell you what, I won’t be happy about it. Where will I satisfy my big booty Asian ho fetish now? Answer me that Mr. Zuckerberg!”
Horner informed the media there is options for those who can’t afford the new monthly fee. “We at Facebook value each and every one of our members and don’t want to see anyone leave just because they can’t afford the new monthly fee,” Horner said. “For those who can’t afford the the new fee, just type ‘I AM POOR AND DON’T HAVE $4 TO GIVE TO FACEBOOK SO PLEASE WAVE MY MONTHLY FEE’ into your status update. This will inform our Facebook billing department and your monthly fee will be waved. Unfortunately for free users, access to Facebook games and groups will no longer be available.”
To order your monthly subscription please call the 24-hour Facebook hotline at (785) 273-0325. Discounts are available to those who pay for an entire year at once.
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This is just corporate greed, plain and simple
I’ll pay this. I like using Facebook
you’re an idiot
I concur
I refuse to pay this and I encourage others to do the same!
How can this do this? Aren’t they all billionaires?
How much richer does Facebook need to be. I’ll do the free thing they are offering I guess
How much is enough money Zuckerberg?!! HOW MUCH!!
Famville FTW!
I just paid up for the next 6 months… was only $19.99
Love my Facebook!
$3.99/mo? F*CK THAT! I’m going to build my own Facebook with hookers and blackjack
This is just… I love you.
=D
What happens if you don’t do nothing?
Then you get no Facebook, duh
This is so fucking stupid. They are too cheap to afford shit.
So, how do I order?
Shut mine down. FB is about to join the tossed in the alley line up with StumbleUpon and MySpace. Me? I’ll still continue on with my Categorian, Blogger, Xanga and Tumblr accounts posting and creating all the way with no “shake down” for money. Love your fb? Then pay while the rest of us turn and walk away. All it is for me is just another social medium that I express myself on, beyond that it is nothing I can’t or won’t live without. Too many other social medias to worry about greedy idiots.
Bullshit Mr.Zukerberg aren’t you guys billionares? Or are you guys are greedy for more fucking money?!
well i got other bills i got to pay so i guess it goodbye facebook can;t afford to pay when my other bills come first
This pisses me off! F*ck Facebook!
I’m not paying $3.99/mo F*ck Facebook!
same here
this is bullshit u guys so worried about money not everyone has extra money to pAy for this face book and for u to say u will wave the fee if they say they poor u will wave the fee is bullshit how dare u f*cks make someone to say that u will wave the fee if anything u should do A basic facebook thats free and take away the extra stuff alot of people stay in touch with each other ur just like the rest of the world money hungry assholes think about would u like someone to this if it was the other way around.!!!!!!!
Come again?
It’s okay guys, I got in touch with Mark (we’re on first-name terms now) and he said that one could pay with sexual favors in place of monetary payments. Basically a blow job a month will do it, phew! I’m satisfied with that, you guys should be too.
Did anyone notice that the phone number that is given for the 24 hour facebook hotline to order service is out of Kansas and in the yellow pages is registered to the westboro baptist church, you know those people that go to soldiers funerals and picket them and stuff. If you already called and paid then I think that you should consider that you may have just got scammed.
That just makes this article Funking EPIC! Everyone should call and annoy those people with questions about Facebook accounts statuses based on info from a satire news webpage!
Good eye Marie! I was too lazy to cross check the phone number, might as well just put 555 as the prefix. I did check after you mentioned WBC and this is Fred Phelps Sr’s #. hahahaha
“If we don’t do something about our rising costs now, Facebook could cease to exist in the near future.”
I don’t give a rats a$$, face-crack aggravates me… smile
at least myspace is still free what this dude has enough money as it is Greedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FACEBOOK IS DUMBASSES
Facebook DID hold a press conference for this new change coming up in February…..Why don’t y’all GOGGLE stuff before freaking out over this
Liars! Facebook said they would never start charging… can’t trust anyone these days
well this absolutely sucks. how do we even know they will really do this? what is we don’t have jobs to pay for it? and think of all the little kids who have a facebook! WTF are they supposed to do?! pay in bubbles?!?! and aren’t those men like..uhh..whats the word?..oh yeah, RICH?! thank you for sucking the money out of the people who almost have nothing. meanies. get second job if you really need it! I would rather pay people to slap me, than pay for FACEBOOK!
I’ll slap you. Will you give me a raise if I broke your jaw?
Yeah, that’s just stupid.
The guy could have done something smart, like taking steps against the adblocker PROBLEM, or at least make a solid reference against it, which would help out other online publishers, but instead they decided to go with the short sighted non-solution that will inevitably result in a massive loss of users.
I’m not payin’ this! F*ck Facebook!
I’ll pay this. I love Facebook!
Lol y’all are idjits if you pay dis