CONFIRMED TRUE: Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin WAS Arrested At SeaWorld For Masturbating In Public

Fappy arrested at SeaWorld

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin was arrested for public masturbation at SeaWorld.

There is a story going around the internet about a dolphin mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization who was arrested at SeaWorld for public masturbation. This story is in fact TRUE.

On November 13th Fappy, AKA Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.

Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.

“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devil’s doorbell’, we thought he was insane,” Downey said. “Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.”

Horner’s attorney, Pattie Smith, told CBS News the dolphin mascot will try and prevent masturbation in prison if found guilty.

“Horner is in good spirits and waiting for this whole ordeal to be over,” Smith said. ““Horner told me he is innocent, but if found guilty, says he will put an end to inmate masturbation in every jail and prison across the country, starting with the one he may be serving time at.”

This story has been confirmed TRUE.

New Chewing Tobacco Ad Campaign Targets Teenagers

Copenhagen ad campaign targeting teens

One of the many ads by Copenhagen which target teens. (AP Photo/Dennis System)

According to Fox News, the Copenhagen brand of chewing tobacco recently launched a new ad campaign targeting teenagers. The ads, which began showing up last month in teen magazines like Seventeen, have parents all over the country up in arms.

“It’s sickening what Copenhagen is doing,” Samantha Davies of Truth, an anti-tobacco organization, told Fox & Friends. “They are glamorizing something that is just as dangerous and deadly as cigarettes to the youth of this country, and children are buying into it. They believe that because it’s smokeless tobacco it’s OK.” Davies continued, “Just when you think Big Tobacco couldn’t stoop any lower they go and pull a stunt like this. It’s pure evil and greed, it’s that simple.”

The ads show teenagers holding cans of Copenhagen, while using the product and a slogan that reads, ‘DO WHAT YOU WANT’. Teens are also encouraged by the company to send in pictures of themselves using the product and in return Copenhagen says they will provide them with free merchandise.

Tom Downey, a spokesman for Copenhagen, told reporters the company is attempting to help the young people in this country with the new ad campaign.

“Smokeless tobacco is not as bad as cigarettes and both guys and girls can use it,” Downey said. “I think this new ad campaign is exactly what the youth in this country need.”

Paul Horner of Leo Burnett Worldwide, the company who created the new ad campaign for Copenhagen, told NBC News that the ads have been extremely successful so far.

“Copenhagen is looking to get away from their ‘bearded, rugged old man, outdoorsy-grizzle-eating-a-bear’ type image, so they came to us for help,” Horner said. “The goal of our ads is to introduce tobacco to young kids who are not familiar with the product yet. Also, as of today, I’m proud to say that sales for Copenhagen smokeless tobacco have increased 18% since the new ad campaign began.”

17-year-old Thomas Kelly spoke to CNN about the controversial ad campaign.

“You know, we’re people too and we shouldn’t be told what we can and can’t do. I’m excited one company finally gets it,” Kelly said. “I’m just glad they figured out where the real market is. I’m going to tell all my friends to start chewing.”

Can Copenhagen re-brand itself and create a new demographic? Will this risky ad campaign pay off, only time will tell.

Copenhagen has set up a hotline for free samples and merchandise to anyone under the age of 21 at (785) 273-0325. A hashtag on Twitter of #DoWhatYouWant is currently trending.

Bill Murray Is Hero After Saving Child’s Life From Oncoming Traffic

Bill Murray saves a child in London, England from certain death

Bill Murray is a hero after he saves the life of a child in London, England today from certain death. (AP Photo/David Hatala)

London, England — What is Bill Murray not capable of doing? According to Fox News and NBC, that is the question being asked by London residents and police today as Murray saved the life of a 9-year-old girl from certain death after he pushed her out of the way at the last second of a semi-truck that was barreling down on the young girl at full speed.

36-year-old Paul Horner, who is in London on business, witnessed the near fatal accident, and told the BBC News about what he saw.

“Yeah, it was horrifying. I saw this little girl standing in the middle of road on her phone and this truck was just going full speed, right towards this poor girl. Then out of nowhere this man pushed her out of the way at the last second saving her life,” Horner said. “So I ran over to them to see if they were alright and to my amazement I see that the girl was perfectly fine and the guy who saved her was none other than Bill Murray! It was Bill frickin’ Murray who saved this kids life!” Horner continued, “That guy is always doing something awesome whether it’s making movies, playing golf with the pros, crashing random parties, bartending with RZA and GZA from the Wu Tang Claneating french fries off the tables of random people or saving lives! He’s everywhere!”

9-year-old Courtney Groves from Bristol, England told reporters about her near death experience.

“I was just playing Zombie Playground, it’s like my favorite game, and wasn’t paying attention to the cars around me. Thank you Mr. Murray for saving my life today,” Groves said. “He even sat down with me and helped me finish the level I was playing. We got a perfect score! He told me that he was in a movie years ago about a zombie, just like my game! I didn’t know what he was talking about but Bill Murray liked my game and he saved my life so I thought that was really neat!”

Murray spoke briefly to reporters about the incident.

“I’m no hero, I was just in the right place at the right time. I think anyone else in my position would have done the same,” Murray said. “Courtney is a great kid. We talked for a while. She even let me play her game on her phone. I told her the next time you wanna play video games, don’t do it in the middle of traffic.”

Tweet from Boris Johnson the Mayor of London about Bill Murray

25-year-old Brian Barth who is a game developer on the Zombie Playground™ team told CNN that he is thrilled the child was not injured.

“It’s an amazing thing that Bill Murray was there to save her life.” Barth said. “It feels really good when someone plays a game you helped create, had a hand in developing; it’s just not a game meant to be played in the middle of traffic, that’s for sure, well unless Bill Murray is there,” Barth laughs.

Boris Johnson who is the Mayor of London told reporters how proud he is to have Murray currently in his city.

“This is a day for everyone in London to celebrate Bill Murray,” Johnson said. “Most blokes would have just stood there like an arse and let that poor girl get run over, but not Mr. Murray. So it is decided, for his bravery we are throwing him a parade and awarding him a key to the city. Today is Bill Murray day in London!”

Murray was in London visiting friends and sightseeing when this near-tragic event took place. Murray says he plans to stay in London for another week and then is off to Japan to finish up work on a new project. Police say alcohol was a factor in this near-fatal tragedy.

The US Mint Plans To Release Caitlyn Jenner Gold Coin

Caitlyn gold coin by the US Mint

The Caitlyn Jenner gold coin by the US Mint scheduled to be released July 4th. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Beginning July 4th, the US Mint will begin its limited release of Caitlyn Jenner Commemorative Gold Coins. The move is said to celebrate Caitlyn’s bravery and living the American dream.

“This coin symbolizes a shared history and friendship with the sports star,” said U.S. Mint Director Paul Horner.

The coin is legal tender and is struck from 14.1 grams of pure gold. The commemorative coin is available at the pre-issue price of $799.00 through August 4th, and $949.00 thereafter. To qualify for pre-issue discount prices, orders must be postmarked or received no later than July 4th, 2015 and a limit of 5 coins per household is strictly enforced.

The designer of the coin, Tom Downey, said he wanted to show Caitlyn in her true form.

“I wanted to capture Caitlyn in all of her beauty and grace showing just how brave she is.”

The Caitlyn Jenner gold coin can be purchased directly online at or by calling (785) 273-0325.

Fight Club 2 Announced And Begins Filming In November Of This Year

Hollywood, CA — Fight Club fans around the world are celebrating as a sequel to the cult classic has just been announced. This is the must-see movie of the decade and probably the most highly anticipated film in recent memory.

David Fincher, director of the first Fight Club movie, confirmed with E! Online that production of Fight Club 2 will begin in November of this year.

Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, and Helena Bonham Carter also return in this action packed film about underground fight clubs and soap making.

“We’re thrilled to be coming back to film a second part to this classic movie,” Fincher told reporters. “For years we’ve been staying away from doing this project but when we received this new script and the cast fell into place, it was a no-brainer. We just had to do it.”

Paul Horner, who helped write the script, spoke with CNN to shed light on the plot behind the highly anticipated sequel.

“The movie picks right back up where it left off with Edward Norton and Marla Singer holding hands with the buildings coming down all around them. What happens in that part of the movie shows Project Mayhem attempting to outrun the FBI and other law enforcement agencies, while at the same time bringing down more of the Establishment that holds our society together,” Horner said. “Now skip ahead 17 years later, a son was conceived by Norton and Singer who has risen to power and with humanity slowly returning to the stone age, tribes are formed. This child begins creating factions around the world that flourish, but problems are always just around the corner,” Horner continues. “Now fast forward 200-5,000 years and you see the many offspring of Norton’s and Singer’s offspring have turned the remaining population of the world into one and that is the life they all know and accept.”

Horner speaks further with MSNBC about Brad Pitt and his role in the sequel.

“Brad Pitt will also be returning, but as a different entity; you’ll learn about Tyler Durden’s past along with his immortality, his eternal life and the ability to live forever. Without giving away too much, there are giant pyramids and makeshift cities, and the ironic twist to it all, those have now become the corporations controlling the population, something Project Mayhem had previously fought so hard to destroy. It’s going to be a fun ride, that’s for sure.”

Also making a dramatic appearance in the movie is acting legend Bill Murray. Murray spoke with TMZ and said he is extremely excited to play a serious role in the upcoming sequel.

“I always loved the first movie, so when David Fincher offered me the role of Edward Norton’s long lost father, I couldn’t say no,” Murray said. “I’ve been fortunate enough to read the entire screenplay and I can say without a doubt, old and new fans are going to be in for a real treat.”

Fight Club 2

Film critic Jill Bryan with the New York Times says this movie should be huge.

“I’m so thrilled this project is finally happening. With a movie by the extremely talented David Fincher you just can’t go wrong. This is definitely at the top of my list for most anticipated upcoming movies.”

The sequel to the film is loosely based on a comic written by Chuck Palahniuk, who also wrote the formative novel for the original Fight Club movie. Palahuniuk told CNN about his 10-issue maxiseries that was illustrated by Cameron Stewart.

“Fight Club 2 takes place alternately in the future and the past. It picks up a decade after the ending of his original book, where the protagonist is married to equally problematic Marla Singer and has a 9-year-old son named Junior, though the narrator is failing his son in the same way his dad failed him.”

In the interview, Palahniuk says readers will learn of Tyler Durden’s true origins.

“Tyler is something that has been around for centuries and is not just this aberration that popped into Edward Norton’s mind.”

Palahniuk brings back most of the characters in the first book as well as the organization Project Mayhem, which still has its hooks in the narrator as he has to save his boy when the youngster’s life is in peril.

The original Fight Club is a 1999 film directed by David Fincher and stars Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, and Helena Bonham Carter. Norton plays the unnamed protagonist, an “everyman” who is discontented with his white-collar job. He forms a “fight club” with soap maker Tyler Durden, played by Pitt, and they are joined by men who also want to fight recreationally. The narrator becomes embroiled in a relationship with Durden and a dissolute woman, Marla Singer, played by Bonham Carter.

The scheduled release date for Fight Club 2 is the Summer of 2017.

Pothole Activist Wanksy Has Been Arrested

London, England — The graffiti artist and pothole activist known as Wanksy has been arrested. The City of London Police told the BBC that Wanksy’s real name is Paul Edwin Horner.

Wanksy arrested in London
London Police Chief James Edwards held a press conference explain how Horner was finally apprehended.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Pothole Task Force monitoring different locations where Wanksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am an individual left a flat speculated to belong to Wanksy. This individual was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the man.”

Horner has been using industrial chalk to draw penises around potholes all over England to encourage crews to fix the eyesores quicker than they normally would.

27-year old Matthew Aldridge told reporters he was discouraged to learn of Wanksy’s arrest.

“What a waste of taxpayers money. Wouldn’t it be better spent fighting the war against drugs or violence ?”

Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, vigilantism, graffiti, and conspiracy; more charges may follow. If you know of any other charges that could be used against Horner, London Police working alongside with the F.B.I. have setup a hotline. Please call (785) 273-0325 and you can remain anonymous.

Hacked Email: Hillary Clinton Announces Michelle Obama As Her Vice President

Hillary Clinton Michelle Obama vice president and running mate for 2016In a hacked email by the hackivist group Anonymous, the First Lady Michelle Obama has accepted Hillary Clinton’s offer as running mate for the presidential election in 2016.

In a posting to the website Pastebin Hillary says:

“It thrills me that you have accepted my offer as my running mate in 2016, you will make a fine vice president.”

It is still unclear how Anonymous hacked the email account of Hillary Clinton.

The email from Pastebin reads:

# Hillary Clinton Email to Michelle Obama #
#To: #
#From: #
#Subject: Let’s get excited!!! #
# #
#Dearest Michelle, #
#It thrills me that you have accepted my offer as #
#my running mate in 2016, you will make a fine vice #
#president! #
# #
#Are you ready to shake up Washington? I sure hope #
#so. #
# #
#We’ll talk soon! #
# #
#Sincerely, #
# #
#Hillary Clinton #

Will Michelle Obama make a good running mate and vice president for Hillary Clinton, I guess time will only tell.

Facebook To Begin Charging Members $1.99/mo Starting In June

Facebook monthly fee of $1.99/mo to begin in JuneFacebook will begin charging its users $1.99/mo starting June 1st. The change takes place after Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a press conference today announcing the news.

“This is something that must be done,” Zuckerberg told reporters.

If you cannot afford the monthly fee, in a new status update, copy and paste the words, ‘I LOVE FACEBOOK AND I AM POOR SO PLEASE WAIVE MY MONTHLY FEE’. You must also include the hashtag #ILoveFacebookAndIAmPoor.

Will this be a good or bad thing for Facebook? Time will only tell.

President Obama To Raise Minimum Wage To $25/hr

Beginning in June President Obama will sign an executive order to raise the minimum wage to $25/hr. Some individuals agree with this and some do not.

Obama said this is thing that must be done to help the economy and lower the national debt.

Rand Paul says he does not agree with the decision made by Obama.

“This is the worse thing possible for this country,” Paul said. “Call your senators and congressmen. You must demand action before this goes into effect in June.”

Parental Consent Form Required To Use Facebook For All Minors Beginning In June

Beginning June 1st, Facebook will require signed parental consent forms for any users under the age of 18. Those under the age of 18 will begin to receive consent forms in their Facebook inbox as soon as May 1st. To receive your form early, you can click this link here provided or call the 24-hour Facebook parental consent hotline at (785) 273-0325.

Official Facebook Parental Consent Form:
Facebook parental consent form

Please share this with anyone under the age of 18. Their life may just depend on it.