Journalist for over fifty years with various publications. I've won many awards including three Pulitzers back in 2007 & 2009 along with numerous other awards, as you can see on my awards page. Don't hate.

Indian Woman Stoned To Death For Sending Husband Too Many Facebook Game Requests

June 16, 2013 by 13 Comments
The Punjab Haryana High Court in India where a woman was stoned to death for disobeying her husband

The Punjab Haryana High Court in India where a woman was stoned to death today for disobeying her husband.

Punjab, INDIA — 32-year-old Indira Mahajan was stoned to death today after being found guilty by the Haryana High court of Punjab, India. Her husband, 51-year-old Bijan Kumar Mahajan said he is thrilled with the ruling and says the court’s decision brings much happiness to his friends and family.

Justice Paramjeet Singh Dhaliwal heard Mr. Mahajan’s thirty minute long testimony and immediately found the woman guilty. “I heard Mr. Mahajan’s story and it was obvious that this woman needed to pay for her crimes. She shamed her husband, her family and her entire village. Justice was definitely served today.”

During the trial Mr. Mahajan explained to Justice Dhaliwal the reason that he wanted his wife of 21-years dead. “She kept sending me Facebook game requests for a stupid game called Candy Crush Saga. I told her numerous times to stop sending me these game requests but she never listened,” Mahajan said. “She knows I don’t like candy. One time I played Candy Crush Saga and I hated it. It has candy jewels that mock you if you make a mistake. Those jewels showed much disrespect for my family. I wanted to candy crush their souls.” Mr. Mahajan continued, “I did everything I could do to have her stop sending me requests to play the game. I yelled at her, I beat her, I raped her, I let my brother rape her, I let the neighbors rape her, I let the village rape her and still she kept sending me these game requests.”


34-year-old year old Erich Sean from England who is in Punjab on business was at the trial when the guilty verdict came in. “That poor, poor girl. What is wrong with these people? I have to get the fu*k out of this backwards country tonight!”

At a press conference in New York, Paul Horner who is the the president of ‘People against Games on Facebook’ (PGF) explained to reporters about the dangers of sending Facebook game requests to friends and family members. “This is just one of the many problems that can arise when people send game requests on Facebook. Your annoying friend on Facebook gets the brilliant idea that you might want to stop what you are doing and help them build a cartoon barn or plant a field of carrots,” Horner told CNN. “So they send you a game request and then you have to log in to Facebook to see what your friend sent. You then see it is something you could absolutely care less about, you get mad and then you want to kill them. Eventually the tragic event that took place in Punjab today is going to happen somewhere else. It’s only a matter of time.”

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Facebook Whistleblower Says Fake Accounts Makeup Half Of All Current Users

June 13, 2013 by 8 Comments
Bill Murray saves a child in London, England from certain death

Paul Horner seen here (not his real name) talks to the BBC News about Facebook and their hundreds of thousands of fake accounts.

London, England — An insider working at the offices of Facebook in London, England told the BBC News today that almost half the accounts on Facebook are fake. He said these shill accounts are known to exist and Facebook is fully aware of them yet does nothing to delete them.

Paul Horner (not his real name) told the BBC that the shill accounts are not deleted for the sole purpose of keeping Facebook’s stock price up. “I think it is wrong what Facebook is doing and it’s finally time that someone came forward to expose this scam and that someone is me,” Horner said. “Facebook claims it has over 1 billion active monthly users. The real numbers are closer to 600,000 at the most. If that news were made public the stock price would plummet, so Facebook is careful not to take action against the fake accounts or to disclose that information.”

Horner then went on to list the sites with the most fake users on Facebook. “With the private data that I have personally seen, the pages that have the most fake users are the ones belonging to Fox News, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman & Sarah Palin just to name some of the top offenders,” Horner said. “The fake users are easy to spot on their pages. Anyone agreeing with these people or telling them how much they love and appreciate what they are doing for America; that is a dead giveaway.” Horner continued, “All the Tea Party fan pages out there, those are 80-90% fake users. There is just not that much hate in the world for pages like those to have the numbers they do, and the companies that fund those pages know that too. So they create thousands of fake accounts and pay people with no morals to work their agendas using those shill accounts. Or they just let the shill account stay inactive but it gives the page the appearance of having more users than it actually does.”


Horner finished the interview by telling the BBC News where he got his inspiration to be a whistleblower. “If Edward Snowden has the courage to come forward and expose the NSA, then I can do the same in exposing Facebook.”

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg could not be reached for comment at the time of this press release. Facebook, Inc., ticker symbol FB, is currently trading at 23.48 -0.25‎ (-1.04%‎).

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Verizon Wireless Offering New ‘NSA Anti-Share Plan’

June 9, 2013 by 15 Comments
Bill Murray saves a child in London, England from certain death

Picture: NSA Surveillance Van

New York, NY — Verizon held a press conference today to announce their new ‘NSA Anti-Share Plan’. This announcement comes just days after news leaked that communication companies have been sharing Americans’ phone records with the National Security Agency (NSA).

Verizona CEO President Paul Horner explained to reporters about the new plan. “At Verizon we understand your concerns when it comes to privacy and your phone calls being monitored. So starting July 1st we are pleased to offer customers our new ‘NSA Anti-Share Plan’. This cellphone plan comes with 128-bit encryption and is guaranteed to be effective against the F.B.I or NSA from listening in on your phone calls.”

President Barack Obama told reporters he understands the distress of the American people and is doing all he can to fix the situation. “I know I’ve made some promises in the last 5 years that I’ve kind of gone and done the complete opposite of and for that I truly am sorry. The Afghan war, Iraq war and Guantanamo Bay is still open. I’m sorry. I promised you no unwarranted wiretapping. I told you I was strongly against that, but signed off on it anyway. Sorry about that. The National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) that I authorized allowing indefinite military detention of American citizens without charge or trial. I am sorry. I told you I would be lenient on marijuana laws. As it turns out I’ve actually used the DEA to put more people in prison than any other president. That’s another blunder of mine I feel absolutely horrible about,” Obama said. “Drones, the war on whistle-blowers and increased surveillance with no transparency on any of our programs. Once again, I just gotta say, I’m sorry. The NSA monitoring American’s customer records from the three major phone networks as well as emails and web searches and cataloged credit-card transactions. My bad.” Obama continued, “We need to come together as the great country that we are and work through these problems in the name of ”safety” and for the children. Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!”


Horner described the new Verizon program to CNN. “The ‘NSA Anti-Share Plan’ starts at only $59.95 and for users that are looking for more minutes we offer an unlimited plan for only $149.95 a month. I think this will be a great way for customers to feel secure when using our service and not have to worry about getting arrested.”

Obama continued to explain some of his actions that he plans to fix. “The illegal wiretapping of American citizens needs to stop. No more national security letters to spy on citizens who are not suspected of a crime. We cannot allow NSA agents to literally watch what you type, as you type it,” Obama said. “The NSA’s reach has infiltrated nearly every major internet company’s servers, including Google, Facebook and Microsoft. We need to stop tracking citizens who do nothing but protest a misguided war. There will be no more ignoring the law when it is inconvenient. I promise to start fixing everything just as soon as humanly possible. You can trust me.” Obama continued, “I do have some good news though. In May the economy gained almost 179,000 new jobs! Unfortunately, most of those were F.B.I and NSA jobs to monitor your phone calls.”

Tweet from Verizon about the NSA and their new NSA Ant-Share Plan

Long-time Verizon user Ivan Schleinkofer told reporters he does not mind that the F.B.I. and NSA have been monitoring his phone calls. “I travel so that means I’m away from my wife a lot of the times. We like to have phone sex and we’re really big into voyeurism. If these agencies have been listening in on our phone calls for the past five years, they have heard some pretty kinky stuff,” Schleinkofer said. “Though I heard it’s only about one in five phone calls they listen to. Is there any way we can get them to listen in on us more than that? What if I tell my wife I want to stick my nuclear missile in her Al-Qaeda hiding spot? That would probably draw some red flags. I’ll have to try that tonight.”

To upgrade to the new ‘NSA Anti-Share Plan’ you can visit your local Verizon Wireless store or call (785) 273-0325.

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Bill Murray Is Hero After Saving Child’s Life From Oncoming Traffic

June 7, 2013 by 20 Comments
Bill Murray saves a child in London, England from certain death

Bill Murray is a hero after he saves a child in London, England from certain death.

London, England — What is Bill Murray not capable of doing? That is the question being asked by London residents today as Murray saved the life of a little girl from being hit by a truck.

34-year-old Paul Horner who is in London on business witnessed the near fatal accident. “Yeah, it was horrifying. I saw this little girl standing in the middle of traffic on her phone and this truck was barreling down the road right towards her. Then out of nowhere this man pushed her out of the way at the last second saving her life,” Horner told the BBC News. “So I ran over to them to see if they were alright. To my amazement I see that the girl was perfectly fine and the guy who saved her was none other than Bill Murray. It was Bill frickin’ Murray who saved this kids life!” Horner continued, “That guy is always doing something awesome whether it’s making movies, playing golf with the pros, crashing random parties or saving lives! He’s everywhere!”

10-year-old Courtney Groves from Bristol told reporters about her near death experience. “I was playing on my iPod and just wasn’t paying attention to the cars around me. Thank you Mr. Murray for saving my life,” Groves said. “He even sat down with me and helped me finish the level I was playing. We got a perfect score! He told me that he was in a movie years ago about golf and it had a gopher in it, just like my game! I didn’t know what he was talking about but Bill Murray liked my game and he saved my life so I thought that was really neat!”

Murray spoke briefly to reporters about the incident. “I’m no hero, I was just in the right place at the right time. I think anyone else in my position would have done the same. That’s not being a hero. That is just being a good human being,” Murray said. “Courtney is a great kid. We talked for a while. She even let me play her fun card game on her phone. I told her the next time you wanna play games on your phone, don’t do it in the middle of traffic.”

Tweet from Boris Johnson the Mayor of London

23-year-old Brian Barth who is a game developer on the Fairway Solitaire team told CNN that he is thrilled the child was not injured. “It’s a good thing Bill Murray was there or things could have been a lot worse. I mean, there are no mulligans in life, right?” Barth said. “It feels really good when someone plays a game you helped create, had a hand in developing but it’s just not a game meant to be played in the middle of traffic, that’s for sure. Maybe we should start putting warning labels on our games stating, ‘Not meant to be played in the middle of oncoming traffic unless Bill Murray is there to save your life’,” Barth laughs.

Boris Johnson who is the Mayor of London told reporters how proud he is to have Murray in his city. “This is a day for everyone in London to celebrate Bill Murray,” Johnson said. “Most blokes would have just stood there like an arse and let that poor girl get run over, but not Mr. Murray. So it is decided, for his bravery we are throwing him a parade and awarding him a key to the city.”

Murray was in London visiting friends and sightseeing when this near-tragic event took place. Murray says he plans to stay in London for another week and then is off to Germany to finish up his work in the upcoming movie The Monuments Men due out in December of this year.

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Documentary By Michael Moore Called “Fappy” Scheduled For Release In December

May 30, 2013 by 9 Comments

Michael Moore talking to reporters about his upcoming documentary “Fappy”.

Hollywood, CA — Controversial filmmaker Michael Moore held a press conference to announce his new upcoming documentary that is being released in December simply titled “Fappy”.

Moore talked with reporters and explained briefly what the documentary is about. “The story follows a religious anti-masturbation organization who travels around the country preaching to school children about the harmful effects of masturbation,” Moore said. “They have a mascot who dresses in a dolphin costume that goes by the name of Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. Fappy® along with his assistants visit various elementary schools nationwide talking to children about living a masturbation-free lifestyle. Along the way many interesting situations arise; everything from the group being banned in the state of California to Fappy® getting arrested for public masturbation.” Moore continued, “Besides all of the problems that occur, the characters are real and loving. You begin to root for this organization that you want so badly to fail.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now told CNN he is excited about Moore’s documentary. “We’re just thrilled to have Michael Moore making a movie about what we do day in and day out. Hopefully it will bring more attention to our cause,” Childs said. “Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. What our organization does is designed to help make children and parents aware of the dangers of masturbation in and outside of the home.” Childs continued, “God willing, one day masturbation will be illegal.”

64-year old Paul Horner who is a teacher at Pansy Kidd Middle School in Poteau, Oklahoma told reporters about their experience with Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin when they visited the school back in March. “The kids just love him,” Horner said. “Fappy® makes the kids laugh and educates them at the same time. He also is quite the tickle monster and the children just love wrestling with him. We can’t wait for Fappy® to come back and visit us again!”

“Fappy” will open December 5th in a limited number of theaters and is scheduled for a nationwide release on December 19th. For more information visit fappythemovie.com.

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Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin on FacebookFappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

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Candy Crush Saga Killer Strikes Again

May 27, 2013 by 9 Comments
Candy Crush Saga Killer strikes again

The ‘Candy Crush Saga Killer’ has struck again. This time 34-year-old Shilda Vafaei was the unfortunate victim.

Phoenix, AZ — What was supposed to be a fun game on Facebook has instilled terror and fear among the citizens of Phoenix, Arizona as the infamous ‘Candy Crush Saga Killer’ has struck once again.

The latest victim is 34-year-old Shilda Vafaei who was known to play Candy Crush Saga for days on end and send out hundreds of game requests to her friends on Facebook. “Shilda Vafaei makes victim number seven in the last three months,” Michael Spielman of the Phoenix Police Department said. “I urge the people of Phoenix to stop sending Candy Crush Saga game requests immediately until the killer has been apprehended.” Spielman continued, “Even when this individual has been apprehended, please continue not sending game requests. It will just make your friends hate you and someone will end up getting killed again.”

Greg Tidrow from Phoenix, Arizona who lived next to the victim explained what Candy Crush Saga is to reporters. “Candy Crush Saga is like Bejeweled, but with candy!”

Local Phoenix resident Paul Horner told reporters that he receives Candy Crush Saga game requests all the time. “My male friend, who I thought was straight, Ivan Schleinkofer, sent me a request to play this game with him. Is he gay for me I thought, or is this a normal game males play together? When I was growing up, my male friends and I played Contra and blew sh*t up. It was all about Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right B, A, Start,” Horner said. “This killer probably was sent too many Candy Crush Saga game requests and just snapped and I don’t blame him. One more request and I just might start candy crushing some skulls.”

So far the police have no leads. If you have any information about this case, Phoenix Police are urging you to contact Silent Witness at (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

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Nearly 100 Students Arrested In 2 Year Undercover Drug Sting

May 25, 2013 by 13 Comments

One of the many drug dealers at Tolleson High School being led away by Sheriff Deputies.

Tolleson, AZ — A two year undercover drug sting came to a close today as almost 100 students at Tolleson Union High School in Arizona were arrested. The students apprehended were in a sting called Operation Disco Party. Over the course of  two years, undercover deputies posed as high school students to catch those possessing and selling drugs.

“The charges include selling narcotics and possession of narcotics,” said Paul Horner who is the district attorney heading up the case.

The two year drug sting brought in 29 marijuana cigarette joints, 3 ecstasy pills, a half gram of extremely potent salvia, and four dried banana peels which the students were intending to scrape and get high with.

The ages of the criminals ranged from 14-17. The 17-year-olds will be tried as adults says Horner.


“The amount confiscated over this two year period was clearly intended for mass distribution, probably globally,”says DEA agent Benji Sakoia.

One cop who did not wish to be named, told KSAZ FOX 10 that in total the drugs confiscated had a street value worth more than $50,000.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio who headed up the two year investigation spoke to reporters about the success of this operation. “This is your tax payer money at work. We’re cleaning up the streets and locking up the bad guys,” said Arpaio. “When these drug dealers get out of jail, excuse me – if they get out of jail, they will all have records that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Today was a huge win in the war against drugs.” Arpaio continued,”During this sting we also caught two students masturbating in the men’s restroom, so those individuals will be facing masturbating in public charges as well. They will have to register as sex offenders once they get out of prison.”

Joe Arpaio tweet

If you have information about this case, Phoenix Police are urging you to contact Silent Witness at (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

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City in Louisiana Offering K-12 Education In Only 6 Months

May 21, 2013 by 8 Comments

14-year-old Jamal Williams in front of the Super School with his diploma he received in 6 months.

DeQuincy, LA — A small town in Louisiana is taking a new approach to education that has created quite the controversy and already has other cities considering doing the same.

In the past year the town of DeQuincy, Louisiana has torn down it’s elementary school, it’s middle school and turned their entire high school into what they are calling a Super School.

Paul Horner who is the superintendent of DeQuincy spoke to reporters and explained how their revolutionary new education system works. “It’s actually quite amazing. We have taken all the basics that are taught throughout a 12-year education and have compacted them down to a 6 month program,” Horner said. “In the real world, who actually uses Algebra or needs to know the political views of ancient Egypt?” Horner continued, “If the child does want to learn that kind of information, they can look it up on the internet which will all be covered in our 3 week computer science class.”

Maynard Jenkins who is the mayor of DeQuincy agrees with the new Super School. “I didn’t get any learnings when I was in school. I got all my learning from the streets and now look where I am today, I’m a gosh darn mayor,” Jenkins said. “With this Super School there will be no more 5th grade bullies or the social awkwardness of puberty, it will be just straight learning the basics.” Jenkins continued, “This whole 12 years of unnecessary education will give kids more time to be kids, get jobs and learn the tough reality of life.”

Prinicipal Shilda Vafaei talked to reporters about the new DeQuincy Super School. “When a child turns the ripe age of 14-years-old he or she will be taken, by force if necessary, to the brand new Super School. While there, they will eat, sleep, and learn,” Vafaei said. “The children will learn the absolute basics from such subjects as Math, Science, Social Studies, English and History.” Vafaei continued, “We know the child is ready to graduate when they can give correct change from a cash register, play Candy Crush Saga on Facebook and understand the concept of green means go and red means stop.”

According Joyce Barth who is a teacher at the Super School told reporters they also offer a one week sex education class that is mandatory. “Our goal is to teach children about living a masturbation-free lifestyle and not having sex until marriage,” Barth said. “Also,  marriage with anyone you are related to is a big no-no. We have a problem with that here in DeQuincy.”

To learn more about the new Super School in DeQuincy or if you are interested in having your child enroll you can contact them online or call (785) 273-0325.

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Monsanto Funds Anti-Masturbation Organization

May 18, 2013 by 21 Comments
The Monsanto Company has begun funding anti-masturbation organizations such as Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin (seen here) and STOP Masturbation NOW

The Monsanto Company has begun funding an anti-masturbation organization which includes programs such as Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW.

Creve Coeur, MO — The Monsanto Company held a press conference today to announce their funding of an anti-masturbation organization who recently lost federally funding and was shut down by the FBI. This controversial move comes just days after the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) was taken over by Monsanto.

Dave Myers who is administrator and spokesman for Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin said he is thrilled to have the Monsanto Company supporting their cause. “Things got a little crazy there for a few days when the F.B.I., the U.S. government and Facebook shut us down. Fortunately Monsanto saw the importance of what we were doing and saved the day,” Myers said. “Now we are back online and stronger than ever.”

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for Monsanto explained the reason behind their controversial decision. “We are proud to be the new sponsors of an organization that supports living a masturbation-free lifestyle. The kids love Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and we figure this will be a great way to improve our reputation and inform the public of all the good that we are doing.” Horner continued, “Now that we are in charge of the USDA we can pretty much do whatever we want. And we want to provide healthy food to every person in world and also put an end to masturbation once and for all.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now said he is excited about joining forces with Monsanto. “Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape,” Childs told reporters. “It leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease.” Childs continued, “God willing, one day masturbation will be illegal and everyone will be eating things created by Monsanto.”

Tommy Kelly from Waterbury, CT says he loves the food produced by Monsanto. “The lobster potatoes and halibut tomatoes are probably my favorite,” Kelly said. “Also, masturbation in this country is at an all-time high and needs to stop. I hope one day Monsanto can genetically modify arms to make them shorter. This will stop masturbation for good.”

Monsanto has also suggested we bring Frankie the Fruit Bat® with us along on our new and improved nationwide tour starting on May 21st.

Monsanto has suggested Frankie the Fruit Bat® as an additional mascot to join Fappy® on the anti-masturbation tour that begins May 21st.

NBC News spoke with Daniel Ballado who has worked with Monsato for 9 months. “I work in their department for testing new chemicals. I smell each one and then Monsanto staff members in hazmat suits check to see what, if any, side effects occur.” Ballado said. “Working for a multi-billion dollar company and no high school education I can’t just start working in their GMO department for animals. I have to start off at the bottom and work my way up.” Ballado continued, “I figure after this chemical testing, I’ll probably be washing lettuce. Soon after that I’ll be on fries, then the grill. In a year or two, I’ll be assistant manager… and that’s when the big bucks start rollin’ in.”

Though not everyone is a fan of Monsanto. Shilda Vafaei who heads up the Twin Cities March Against Monsanto says Monsanto feeds the world’s less educated. “Monsanto is responsible for some really super things, namely super weeds, super bugs, autism, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer. Either mankind will stop Monsanto or Monsanto will stop mankind. You control the food supply, and you control the people,” Vafaei told reporters. “Monsanto is not even required to put labels on their food stating that it has been genetically altered. Instead they can legally call it ‘organic’ and they do that all the time. They destroy food and now they have a dolphin going around the country talking to elementary school children about the dangerous consequences of masturbation and the benefits of genetically modified foods. It is completely insane.” Vafaei continued, “If you’re cool with a company that produces food that will kill you and also heads up the USDA, then you are either a Washington lobbyist or you work for the Obama Administration.”

Critics are urging individuals to demand an investigation into Monsanto’s takeover of the USDA and join the Nation of Change and organizations around the world in a March Against Monsanto on May 25.

Monsanto tweet about funding an anti-masturbation organization

Monsanto’s Tweet about funding an anti-masturbation organization.

According to CNN, Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW have announced a 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation and the benefits of genetically modified foods.

The Monsanto Company is a publicly traded agricultural biotechnology corporation headquartered in Creve Coeur, Missouri. It is a leading producer of genetically engineered food and of the herbicide which it markets under the name ‘Roundup’.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are programs designed to teach children and adults about the dangers of masturbation. For a complete list of dates and locations of this nationwide tour, click here. For more information or if you would like Fappy® to visit your child’s school please call the 24-hour Monsanto Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Nationwide School Tour Hotline.

  • Fappy® Nationwide Monsanto School Tour Hotline: (785) 273-0325

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Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin on FacebookFappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

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Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin needs your help and support in ending masturbation and educating children about the benefits of genetically modified foods! Get your very own OFFICIAL Fappy® merchandise here!

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Harry Potter Scandal: J.K. Rowling Is A Fraud

May 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Harry Potter Scandal: J.K. Rowling Is A Fraud

J.K. Rowling and the Harry Potter scandal.

Hollywood, CA — It has come to our attention that the onslaught of attacks on J.K. Rowling is undeserved and unwarranted. In an attempt to preserve Hogwart’s tradition, J.K. Rowling (a muggle) was given a detailed synopsis of a grand story on her window sill. No one was really sure where the story came from, until recent surveillance has revealed that Hedwig was the deliverer of said story. Further DNA analysis has proven to show that the story was written by none other than Harry Potter himself. With the recent destruction of Voldemort (yes we can say his name now), and a steady decline in the dementors in the space, we are now able to make this story public. The battle still wages on as Harry Potter has taken his talents outside of Hogwart’s and has entered into his new battleground where he will defend his muggle territory like no other. He has shared his talents with the muggles and has made them able to see things most wizards would not reveal, all in an effort to let the world know we can work towards peace now.

It is said Harry may join the band Atoms for Peace in an effort to further spread his message. He has told us that Thom is a good friend of his, and also had a similar path growing up in Hogwart’s. Harry is expected to play bass clarinet, and his rhythm is mentioned to be stellar. I am excited to hear what he can produce and look forward to covering him as time progresses.

It has also been revealed that Hermione has and always will be Harry’s muse. It was hard stepping on his buddy’s toes to get her, but Ron said he couldn’t really handle her in the first place and would rather spend his time outside of the spotlight. Ron and Harry are still greatest of friends, and Ron has found love elsewhere and is quoted as saying, “I get it now.” Ron plans on spending his life committed to improving the environment and making sure people around him stay happy and healthy.  Harry and Hermione will continue their role as a power couple, and there has been further mention that they may work on a band together on the same label as The xx.  As for Ginny, she will continue to be prime minister of Australia along with Paul Horner as her faithful assistant.

J.K. Rowling is relieved to hear this news as her sanity was waning over the issue. The unimaginative attacks on her person, has led her to feel distant and unappreciated by her peers. She has always thought the appreciation has existed, but was surprised when nobody was able to come out and show it. The time has come now as Harry Potter is alive and well and intermingling with new friends and old.

Article written by:

Adam Piontkowski – adampiont @ gmail.com
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