Sochi, Russia — The President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, is making headlines once again about his controversial stance concerning the gay community. This time Putin has announced a gay task force that will be patrolling the winter games in Sochi, Russia all of next month.
Vladimir Putin told reporters, “It was not Adam and Steve, it was Adam and Eve. I’m just doing god’s work.” When asked if Adam and Eve were married Putin declined to comment.
The announcement of this gay task force comes just days after a bill was overwhelmingly approved by the lower house of parliament that stigmatizes Russia’s gay community and bans the distribution of information about homosexuality to children.
Paul Stolichnaya Horner, who is a spokesman for Putin and heads up the Russian Gay Task Force or RGTF, answered questions this morning at a press conference in Sochi, Russia. “If any Olympian demonstrates the typical homosex traits of a gay, they will be brought in for questioning or detained, but this is strictly for their own protection. We don’t want these gays getting out of control and doing things to our livestock,” Horner told CNN. “Now, what is a big no-no, is if any of these gay Olympians are seen trying to convert our great straight people of Russia to the evil gay way, they will be dealt with as harshly as possible and arrests will be made. We will not tolerate any sexual flip flopping, I can promise you that. Our country will not turn into some rainbow gay orgy festival with deviants running around naked doing god knows what. This is the Olympics and it must remain civil. No one gets a pass while I’m in charge. Consider this your only warning.”
Daman Kovalski who is part of the RGTF told reporters he will be out there looking for anyone participating in gay activities. “Just your typical gay stuff. Ya know, we just can’t have it. The eyes of the world will be on us and the last thing we want them to see is a couple gay dudes skipping around and talking with a lisp, maybe making some kind of bean casserole or something. Well, not on my watch! That would shame our country for thousands of years to come,” Kovalski said, “Botton line is we’re trying to keep our country and our children safe from the gay agenda. It’s that simple. You have nothing to be afraid of as long as you’re not gay or look gay or do anything gay. Come to the Russian Olympics in and enjoy yourself!”
The RGTF is comprised of Russia’s top 100,000 military men. The task force will begin patrolling the grounds of Sochi, Russia and all events of the Winter Olympics beginning February 1st until the last foreign citizen has left the country, roughly sometime in March.