The Ass Press
Posted: 07/7/2012 6:00:52 PM PDT
Washington DC — In a move said to raise funds for the war in Afghanistan, President Obama today announced plans to auction off all of the marijuana that has been seized in drug raids since 2008. The auctions are to be held in only the states that have legalized the drug and only to users with a medical marijuana card.
22-year-old Leland Hollandale from San Diego said he’s excited to participate in these auctions. “This is so cool. I’ll be able to buy my weed cheap, all off the broken dreams of others who are now in prison. I’m so stoked!”
Critics are quick to point out Obama’s stance on marijuana when he ran for President. “Back in 2008 when running for President, Obama said he would be lenient on marijuana laws, but since taking office he’s done just the complete opposite,” said 30-year-old Chris Roybal from New Mexico. “He’s conducted major raids in every state that has legalized marijuana. He’s seized billions of dollars worth of property and assets, ruined families, and put thousands of people in prison. All of this over a harmless plant that should be legal in the first place. He is by far the toughest President on marijuana in over 20 years.”
Paul Horner had his marijuana dispensary raided back in February and is now looking at 10 years in prison. “These auctions are beyond ridiculous. He’s taking the marijuana that’s been seized on a Federal level from states that have legalized it, and then selling it back to them. Obama is by far the biggest drug kingpin in the world and instead of being locked up in prison, he’s the President of The United States.”
Garret Roach, head of the DEA task force in California, said he’s excited about what Obama is doing. “We’ll be carefully watching and tracking everyone that’s buying marijuana from these auction houses. Obama already gave us the green light for raids in all 50 states at the beginning of his presidency. These auctions will give our organization so many new leads in the war on drugs. I can’t wait to make more seizures and put the bad guys in jail.”
Marijuana auction houses will be setting up in all major cities of states that have legalized the drug. Only people carrying a medical marijuana card will be allowed to participate. Users will be limited to two pounds of marijuana per month.
The DEA has setup a 24 hour hotline to answer any questions you may have and to find a marijuana auction house near you.
- Marijuana Auction Hotline: (785) 273-0325