The Ass Press
Posted: 04/20/2012 6:00:52 PM PDT
Washington DC — In a controversial move this morning President Obama made NTACT official and signed it into law. NTACT stands for the National Trees Act and was passed by Congress last week. The bill allows government officials, such as the military and DEA, to waterboard marijuana users in order to gain any potential information they may or may not have. The act states that by waterboarding the marijuana user for information, such as where they bought their drugs from, it will allow law enforcement officials to use that information to then arrest the dealers, distributors and the actual growers.
After signing NTACT into law, President Obama stated, “This is a great first step in putting an end to this nightmare that has plagued our country for so long now. Marijuana is a destructor of families and communities. By getting to the source of the problem, the actual marijuana user, I think we can finally win the war on drugs. God willing, no one will ever use marijuana again.”
U.S. Representative Lamar S. Smith, who introduced the bill into Congress said, “Marijuana users think they can sit around all day, smoke their reefer, eat fattening foods and watch their stupid television shows… well, not on my watch. Now with the threat of torture, I seriously doubt marijuana addicts will have the guts to smoke their drugs again.”
Obama went on to restate his position by saying, “I want to be clear. If a state legalizes marijuana, this law will still affect those residents. I’m sure you’re already well aware, that I won’t hesitate to send DEA agents into states that have already legalized the drug. It doesn’t matter if marijuana is legal in your state or not, or who you are, if you make the choice to use marijuana, we will find you and we will waterboard you.” Obama went on to say, “With a marijuana arrest before, you might have just lost all your possessions, family and gone to prison. Thanks to this new bill I signed into law today, you’re now also going to get waterboarded. I’ve already passed The National Defense Act (NDAA), which allows us to send American citizens to jail for an infinite amount of time with no lawyer, judge or jury, so I think you should know by now that I’m not one to mess with.”
Paul Horner, one of Obama’s presidential advisers on the matter told the press today, “There’s just too many special interests out there that are making too much money because of marijuana’s illegal status. Do you have any idea how much money those lobbyists and special interest groups would stand to lose if we suddenly legalized marijuana? They would lose a lot. Sure our economy would probably improve if we taxed and regulated it, but the super-elite, the %1, are the ones who get hurt here. They are the ones we listen to.” Horner continued, “You can’t just make things like hemp legal. Pretty soon you wouldn’t have to cut down trees, then what are all the loggers out there going to do? You have to think about things like that. We see the big picture here at the White House. That’s why I’m up on stage holding a press conference and you’re down there writing everything that I’m saying.”
Danny Simmons from the DEA told CNN he approves of NTACT. “I don’t think there’s anyone I work with that isn’t excited about this law being passed. I think it’s going to be hilarious waterboarding a pot head; they are already so paranoid to begin with. The looks on their faces are gonna be priceless. They’ll be like, ah don’t kill me, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.” Simmons laughs, “How awesome are things going to be now.”
This is so messed up! Something needs to be done about this injustice!
Obama must be stopped
I hear ya brother… I hear ya. He’s signing all types of these acts that limit our personal freedom. It’s time for something to be done to stop this
Be informed, brother. Learn about the war on drugs. This is scary stuff.
This need to be stop they are acting as if marijuana is a real bad thing nd that the user are couch patatos no I go to school and raise my son nd there is nothing wrong with me nd another you can’t get e-pills those are the drug u need to go after not marijuana
obama is WRONG!!! marijuana is a very useful “drug”. it’s been proven over and over again! plus, our federal government supplies 4 people with marijuana each month for FREE, out of compassion! how come those 4 people get to benefit, while the rest of us have to hide? it’s not fair! i can take care of my son just as well as any parent who doesn’t smoke!!! it relieves my chronic pain so much better than my pills that i get from my doctor! plus there is no worry of overdosing! there are so many potential “side-effects” of my pills. but the ONLY side effect of smoking weed is getting the damn munchies! it’s a plant people, a plant!!! obama can shove it!!!
This is a great article. It isn’t getting enough coverage, spread the word.
It is a great article. I’ve already posted it on Twitter and Facebook. Thanks for the idea Mike!
It just makes me sad reading this type of thing. The American people suffer while real criminals are out there doing so many injustices. Obama needs to wise up before it’s too late
This is really scary. I can’t believe he actually signed the National Trees Act or NTACT. What a bastard
I want to slap everyone that voted for him. And I am disgusted at how funny they think this is.. Why the hell do they think it’s so important to concentrate on a little pot when there’s bigger crimes being committed.. How stupid
This is so true!
This is just showing how ridiculous the situation has gotten, it’s just showing what they think instead of what they actually say.
This is pure ROT and SHITE! FECK OFF DEA and the POTUS can kiss my Southern White Jewish Azz! Has CIVIL LIBERTIES left the building? Has the Constitution been redacted all of a sudden? Am I living in another country or parallel universe?!?!?! This is just the most stupid thing I’ve read today so far.
This is real people! Check none of the above!
PROPAGANDA!?!?!? validate, verify. Sounds like the republican smear machine on steroids.
Damn you Obama, damn you!
“Everything is within sight if we chose to see it. Everything is within grasp if just reached for it. ”
DREAM EVERY DAY, BY DREAMING WITH OUR HANDS & DREAMING WITH OUR MINDS.
I’d like to say that I’ve always thought the war on drugs has been a somewhat lost cause.
While they make the drugs with the greatest potential Schedule I’s; EX: LSD & Psilo (this hindering possible studies on the possibilities of medicinal applications). I mean seriously, have you any idea why a C-I is classified as a C-I instead of a C-2? OUR government DID THEIR own little TESTS & GOT THEIR CONCLUSIONS; UNDER THEIR OWN PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS, MAYBE? OR becuz THEY: A.) DON’T truly understand the good that can come from the medicinal/spiritual applications of some psychoactives &/OR B.) DO understand just what magnificient changes that may arise within one’s mind can affect & can change your perception on things. Good or bad dependant upon a few factors. I don’t feel like going into because this is already getting quite long……..
So anyways, our government uses our tax money to go after piddley weed toker & toters & ignore the fact that there’s a greater need for more thought on the completely delibatating drugs that are far more destructive to both the user, the family, the community, environment, etc. There are far worse synthetic drugs being manufactured all over the world & where in all actuality your neighbor could be mixing up a homemade slurry with a simple concoction of volatile chemicals, all items not that difficult to acquire, all that will become crystal; that is to say he/she doesn’t somehow blow the place up first! And if they manage not to blow the place up what do they do with all that 90% or whatever ungodly percentage or ratio of waste is left once the process is complete.
OTHER THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY: “We as a society we don’t understand the importance of moderation & simplicity.”
the cure for cotton mouth. no more drinking the bong water. this is awesome
The readers of this site are very well educated, articulate, and capable of understanding subtleties in literature, as you can see from the comments.
The readers of this site are very well educated, articulate, and capable of understanding subtleties in literature, as you can see from the comments.