Whole Foods and McDonald’s Announce Partnership

Whole foods and McDonald's merge

Whole foods announced their partnership with McDonald’s this morning.

Austin, TX – Whole Foods Market is leading the way into shifting the future of the health food and supplement industry again, this time announcing that they will partner with fast food chain, McDonald’s.

McDonald’s revenues grew 27 percent over the three years ending in 2007 to $22.8 billion, and 9 percent growth in operating income to $3.9 billion, but reported a decrease in growth in recent years.

The progressive partnership between Whole Foods and McDonald’s was revealed at a press conference in Austin after lower than expected numbers rattled Wall Street on Thursday. McDonald’s franchise sales representative Aaron Johnson announced that the fast food chain will be shifting new location sales for the current year, stating, “We concluded that people who eat food from Walmart Superstores do not have the time or money to also eat at a McDonald’s during the same visit as much as we originally thought.”

When asked about how he felt about a McDonald’s franchise store inside his store, 34 year old Whole Foods juice department manager Paul Horner said, “Are you kidding me? I don’t make enough money or have enough time to feed my family organic food. I would love to have a McDonald’s right next to the juice bar!”

Apparently, Whole Foods employees like Horner are not alone. A recent survey of 27 people in the bathroom line at the public library around the corner from the store showed a 92 percent preference over a McDonald’s dollar burger over a seven and a half dollar fresh made juice.

57 year old U.S. Marines veteran Bernard Schober stepped out of the line for the bathroom and spoke with reporters, “I’m from Scottsdale, Arizona. And where I’m from, only skinny ladies with handheld dogs and large sunglasses can afford to eat at both McDonald’s and Whole Foods. I think it’s a smart move for America.”


  1. First they called Obamacare facism, and now they are embracing capitalism to the fullest McStent.

  2. I demand justice!

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