The Ass Press
Posted: 04/05/2012 06:00:35 AM PDT
Sanford, Fla— New pictures and information, released by Matt Drudge from the Drudge Report, show a completely different side to the Trayvon Martin that we’ve been seeing portrayed by most of the media. “These innocent child hood photos of Trayvon, being shown in the news, are just not who he actually was. The photos we’ve obtained indicate that he was a lot more than just some young kid going to high school. More than likely he was a 7’2, 480 lbs professional football player, though we’re not exactly sure what team he played for. Our editors are working around the clock on putting all the pieces together,” says Drudge. “We also have obtained new information about George Zimmerman. The ‘tough guy’ pictures showing Zimmerman in an orange jumpsuit are about as inaccurate as you can get. Reliable sources now tell us he is likely a 3’6 Asian dwarf who was lured to the dark alleys of his neighborhood by the scent of Skittles.”
Paul Horner from the NAACP said, “These actions by Matt Drudge are unforgivable. The pictures he posted to his website aren’t even that good. One of them is just an image of Al Pacino from the movie Scarface Photoshopped with Trayvon’s face on it. This is a blatant attempt to make Trayvon out to be someone that he was not. It’s truly disgusting, just horrible Photoshop work.”
“You have to question everything the liberal media tells you,” says Drudge. “Our sources tell us that besides moonlighting as security for rapper 50 Cent, Trayvon Martin also belonged to a biker gang that smuggled marijuana out of Tijuana. Did you read about any of those stories on MSNBC or CNN? I don’t think so.”
Matt Drudge said he has no plans on pulling the pictures from the website. “I mean, look at the rest of the site. It’s a propaganda machine used to make Americans afraid, and we’re doing a pretty good job of it.” He goes on to say, “I think pulling these images, no matter how fabricated they may or may not be, would go against everything that the site is about. Plus we’re too busy right now trying get the American people excited about a possible war with Iran. Once we start bombing Iran, ask me nicely about pulling those photos and maybe I’ll think about it.”
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