The Ass Press
Posted: 10/28/2012 6:00:12 PM PDT
El Paso, TX — In something straight out of a movie, the Drug Enforcement Administration is telling reporters that a group of 10 armed men stormed a warehouse in El Paso, Texas and made off with more than 14 billion dollars of various illegal drugs, making this by far the largest robbery in history. The burglary happened last night when men wearing ski masks and armed with automatic weapons were able to overpower the guards protecting the warehouse. The drugs were being stored as evidence in upcoming criminal trials and then eventually would have been incinerated. Most of the drugs being stored in the warehouse had been seized from The Sinaloa and the Zetas cartel.
Paul Horner who heads up the DEA in El Paso said he’s saddened by news of the robbery but happy that no one was injured. “Luckily none of the guards or police at the warehouse were injured in this tragic event,” Horner said. “It’s just a shame all these drugs will be back on the street.”
A list was made available to reporters of the drugs stolen from the warehouse:
- 4,600 tons of Marijuana
- 2,500 kilos of Cocaine
- 950 kilos of Heroin
- 810 kilos of Methamphetamine
- 36,000,000 pills of Ecstasy
- 1.2 tons of Ketamine
- 1.1 tons of Bath Salts
Officials said the armed men made entry into the warehouse by way of air ducts in the ventilation system. They subdued the guards and police in and outside of the building. Cameras show at least 5 white vans and a tractor-trailer leaving the seen of the crime.
El Paso resident 19-year-old Ben Sanders said he is happy to hear that these drugs will be back on the street. “Things were getting pretty dry around here for a moment,” Sanders said. “I was getting desperate, smoking this horrible dirt weed my neighbor has. Hopefully some of this stolen 4,600 tons of herb out there is chronic and I can get my hands on some.” Sanders continued, “This whole ‘war on drugs’ is truly a shame. All the violence, the killings, the millions of addicts in prison, the multi-billion dollar a year black market activity. None of it would exist if drugs were just made legal and heavily regulated. People that do drugs are going to do drugs regardless if they are legal or not. No one is going to start slamming heroin just because it’s legal.”
If anyone has any information about this robbery, officials are urging people to contact (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.
Has there been anymore news about this and what El Paso is doing to recover all these drugs? We need to keep our children safe!
I would be so happy with just 1 billion dollars worth of drugs
It’s good no one was hurt!
I need to get a tractor-trailer full of drugs
You could fill a swimming pool with all of that Ecstasy
What is El Paso doing to recover these drugs I wonder
How can El Paso just let this happen? I demand justice!
good luck with that justice thing lol
My guess is all those drugs are still in a five mile radius, until they can be divided up safely and then moved
That’s like Hunter S. Thompson amount of drugs right there
This is insane! What are the police doing about this?
Haha. This is great. Hopefully some of that makes it’s way up here, I could use it.
People against drugs, be happy! We’ll have all the weed smoked months before the DEA would of been able to “safely” do it.
WOW
War on drugs, it’s called a war because they already know it’s going to be a no win situation. We never win our war’s
They’re not going to look for it. 14 billion dollars worth of drugs and only a few gaurds. Sounds too good to be true doesn’t it? No one was injured? Don’t care really… Just would prefer to hear some truth.every once in a while. Its not just pot thats out there for those who clearly endorse its habitual use. Cocain, Heroin, Meth, Ecstacy, Ketamin, Bath Salts (hallucinagenic). Whatever the truth is… Its beyond our cont trol if we are being led to believe in coincidences.
“4,600 tons of Marijuana” has got to be a typo lol!
If the figure is accurate then the guys who did this must be the same ones who got the gold out the World Trade Center before it fell because it would take a sizable convoy of trucks to move that in one go even with bulk carriers and not be seen as they left..
On the other hand…
4.6 metric tons or 4,600 Kilos is about 10,000lbs and that could be comfortably carried by a single 24 foot long rental van.
Yes they stormed in.Over powered X number of armed military officers.Took $14 BILLION worth of drugs.Loaded it up and drove off with it AND.. no one was hurt.No one was hurt because there was no struggle.This was arranged. Not a single shot was fired.They want to know what were doing to recover the “stolen”drugs? Nothing.There was no stolen drugs.The drugs were sold.Again mom and pop still holding on the values of the 50’s and 60’s.Believing no one especially our government would ever lie to them.Your government could give a shit less about you.The only reason were even FREE is because we have our guns.But as for the drugs..good deal man where can I find these guys I’m ready to make a deal.I got cash in hand.
P.S. Look I’m not saying every man and woman in uniform is in on it.But the people in the white house DO NOT CARE about us. J.F.K was the last president that fought for us.And thats exactly why hes dead.
I bet these corrupt pigs plotted this themselves with insider knowledge of how the facilities operate. Then the cops sold them right back to their partners, the mexican cartel.