Hollywood, CA — Fanboys around the world are celebrating as Disney has just announced plans for an additional 26,000 Star Wars movies to be released in the next 5 years. This news comes just months after Disney acquired George Lucas‘ Lucasfilm Ltd. which includes the rights to the entire Star Wars franchise.
Paul Horner who is Chairman & CEO of Disney said these are exciting times for the company. “No matter if you’re 9 or 90 years old, we have a Star Wars movie coming out just for you. Even if you don’t like Star Wars, we have a movie for that too!”
“There’s probably 100 or so of these new Star Wars movies I would like to see, but definitely not the other 25,900,” says Lucasfilm’s head animator Kyle Brock. “The problem happened when some executive over at Disney that goes by just the name ‘Paul‘, like Seal or some bullsh*t like that, heard a rumor that he wasn’t supposed to tell anybody about, but he did anyway. Now he’s trying to make up for his mistake by releasing all these thousands of crap Star Wars movies,” Brock said. “He still deserves a beat-down in my opinion because the damage has already been done. I mean, Hakuna Matata now means, may the Force be with you. What the f*ck is that all about?”
Before ending the press conference, Horner left a list of the next 6 Star Wars films coming to theaters or DVD this week:
- Yoda & Shrek’s Great Adventure
Yoda is Shrek’s great grandfather and attempts to show Skrek the ways of the Force while at the same time getting into wacky adventures.
- Pinocchio: Lightsaber Of Death
Pinocchio’s nose becomes a lightsaber and has to fight off members of the dark side.
- Lady and the Tramp in Space
Han Solo and Princess Leia share a meatball and get romantically involved as they fight off evil villains in different parts of the galaxy.
- Mickey Mouse & Luke Skywalker’s Day Off
Mickey Mouse and Luke Skywalker sit around a kitchen table, drinking tea, talking about current events and different women that they have been with throughout their lives.
- C-3PO and Wall-E Forever
C-3PO and Wall-E are gay lovers who live together in a one bedroom apartment in the redneck town of DeQuincy, Louisiana. It is a touching story about two gay robots and their struggles with society to accept them for who they are.
- Jedi Computer Skills
A 3 hour long documentary about turning off your computer, leaving your parents basement and talking to the opposite sex, just like a real Jedi would do.
Brock told reporters he does not approve of Disney’s buyout of Lucasfilm. “Disney is the definition of corporate greed, who are making as many Star Wars movies as possible, just because they can and they know they will make money, regardless if it tarnishes the Star Wars brand forever,” Brock said. “And what happens after five years when the first 26,000 movies are released, are they just going to make another 26,000 movies? It’s just not cool George Lucas, it’s not cool at all.”
In order to make all 26,000 movies in 5 years Disney will be releasing a little over 14 films per day on average. The stock and cash transaction of Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm totaled an estimated $4.05 billion. The deal was approved in October of last year by the Disney Board of Directors and Lucas, the sole Lucasfilm shareholder.