TRUE: Church of Scientology Loses Tax-Exempt Status

March 12, 2016 by Leave a Comment

The Church of Scientology loses tax exempt status
An article by ABC News reporting that the Church of Scientology lost its tax-exempt status in March 2016 is 100% true.

Claim: The Supreme Court revoked the Church of Scientology’s tax-exempt status in March 2016.

Example: [Collected via Email, March 2016]

“Did the IRS recently rescind the tax exempt status of the church of Scientology?”

Origin: On March 11th, 2016, ABC News claimed that the Supreme Court had revoked the Church of Scientology’s tax-exempt status:

In a unanimous decision by the Supreme Court today, the eight justices ruled in favor of revoking the Church of Scientology’s tax-exempt status in the United States. Under the ruling, Scientology will still be able to operate as a business but no longer as a non-profit religious organization.

The case was brought forward by the Internal Revenue Service Criminal Investigation Division after concluding a two-year-long investigation into the inner workings of Scientology. The investigation, along with an extensive audit, found the group to be a “criminal operation with a sole purpose of making money”. The eight justices agreed with the IRS and its findings that Scientology was neither a religion or fell under the guidelines of a non-profit charitable organization.

Later that day, Snopes.com, a website owned by Scientology, said the news was false, claiming:

The Supreme Court did not revoke the Church of Scientology’s tax-exempt status for any reason in March 2016. However, there is a complicated history to the relationship between the organization and the Internal Revenue Service: the Church of Scientology was founded in 1954, but lost its tax-exempt status in 1967 when the IRS determined it was a commercial enterprise, not a religious one.

After decades of an organized campaign (including lawsuits, investigations by detectives hired by Scientology’s lawyers to dig into the private lives of IRS employees, Scientologist representatives creating phony news bureaus, and financing whistleblowers to attack the IRS publicly) the agency granted tax exemptions to Scientology organizations again in 1993.

Tony Ortega, an American journalist and blogger who is best known for his daily blog about the Church of Scientology, told reporters today that Scientology did in fact lose its tax exempt status.

“This is a great day for America! We need more amazing people like Paul Horner that get the job done in Washington to put an end to these evil cults. No more tax-exempt status for Scientology!”

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CONFIRMED TRUE: Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin WAS Arrested At SeaWorld For Masturbating In Public

November 16, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Fappy arrested at SeaWorld

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin was arrested for public masturbation at SeaWorld.

There is a story going around the internet about a dolphin mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization who was arrested at SeaWorld for public masturbation. This story is in fact TRUE.

On November 13th Fappy, AKA Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.

Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.

“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devil’s doorbell’, we thought he was insane,” Downey said. “Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.”

Horner’s attorney, Pattie Smith, told CBS News the dolphin mascot will try and prevent masturbation in prison if found guilty.

“Horner is in good spirits and waiting for this whole ordeal to be over,” Smith said. ““Horner told me he is innocent, but if found guilty, says he will put an end to inmate masturbation in every jail and prison across the country, starting with the one he may be serving time at.”

This story has been confirmed TRUE.

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CONFIRMED TRUE: Survivor Files $1.2 Million Lawsuit Against Kim Davis & Mike Huckabee

September 11, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

The album cover of for ‘Eye of the Tiger’ by Survivor. (AP Photo/Dennis System)

Salisbury, NC — In an article originally published by NBC News, Survivor band members claim they are suing Kim Davis and Mike Huckabee for $1.2 million dollars for using their song “Eye of the Tiger” without permission. This story has been confirmed true by the lawyer representing Survivor.

“We have filed the necessary paperwork with the county courthouse in Salisbury and expect the lawsuit proceedings to commence shortly,” Paul Horner with EZ Rider & Associates told CNN. “Mike Huckabee and Kim Davis had no permission to use the song, bottom line. This incident is in the national public spot light right now, and Huckabee is running for president; they should have known better.”

Davis, the Kentucky clerk who was jailed after refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was released Tuesday morning, after serving six days in prison, to the sound of “Eye of the Tiger.” The song played in the background as she, her husband, and Mike Huckabee celebrated her freedom in front of thousands of supporters.

“Eye of the Tiger” was released in the spring of 1982 as a single from Survivor’s third album. It was written at the request of actor Sylvester Stallone to be used as the theme song for the movie Rocky III.

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The Tent City Jail In Arizona Is Closing After 22 Years

July 26, 2015 by 23 Comments
joe arpaio tent city closing

Aerial view of Tent City which will be closing in December of this year. (AP Photo/Michael Kortas)

Phoenix, Arizona — After 22-years of controversy, the tents in Phoenix, Arizona are finally coming down.

In a unanimous decision early this morning, the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors voted in favor of closing the facility this December.

Paul Horner with the American Civil Liberties Union spoke with reporters about the closing of Tent City.

“This is a move that is long overdue, but I applaud the council for finally making that right move,” Horner told local news station ABC15. “Tent City is the definition of a human rights violation and even though they may be inmates, they deserve to be treated like human beings. Sheriff Joe Arpaio has routinely abused pre-trial detainees by feeding them moldy bread, rotten fruit and other contaminated food. Arpaio chose to house inmates in 20-year old tents, so hot as to endanger their health, denying them care for serious medical and mental health needs and keeping them packed as tightly as sardines for days at a time.”

Arpaio’s Tent City is notorious for inhumane conditions, from the food to the 118 degree heat.

On Thursday an inmate died in the tents after officers noticed the man had not shown up for work. No foul play is suspected.

According to NBC News, the Maricopa County Board of Supervisor’s main reason for shutting down the tents comes after years of protests, Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s current legal battles and pressure from lawmakers to close the facility.

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Pothole Activist Wanksy Has Been Arrested

May 6, 2015 by Leave a Comment

London, England — The graffiti artist and pothole activist known as Wanksy has been arrested. The City of London Police told the BBC that Wanksy’s real name is Paul Edwin Horner.

Wanksy arrested in London
London Police Chief James Edwards held a press conference explain how Horner was finally apprehended.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Pothole Task Force monitoring different locations where Wanksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am an individual left a flat speculated to belong to Wanksy. This individual was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the man.”

Horner has been using industrial chalk to draw penises around potholes all over England to encourage crews to fix the eyesores quicker than they normally would.

27-year old Matthew Aldridge told reporters he was discouraged to learn of Wanksy’s arrest.

“What a waste of taxpayers money. Wouldn’t it be better spent fighting the war against drugs or violence ?”

Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, vigilantism, graffiti, and conspiracy; more charges may follow. If you know of any other charges that could be used against Horner, London Police working alongside with the F.B.I. have setup a hotline. Please call (785) 273-0325 and you can remain anonymous.

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DRUGS IN COLORADO: New Deadly Strain Of Marijuana Turning Users Gay

April 14, 2015 by Leave a Comment

Just when you thought the drug problem in Colorado could not get any worse, law enforcement officials are now reporting incidents of marijuana users turning gay.



“We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Dr. Paul Horner of the Barrow Neurological Institute. “The drug users in Colorado are injecting a strain of marijuana that changes the chemical makeup in the brain. The drug effects the receptors that controls your like or dislike of the opposite sex.”



Tom Downey, the chief of operations at the DEA, told CNN that marijuana related problems in Colorado have quadrupled since the legalization of the drug. “I have to say this…going down the path to legalization in this country is reckless and irresponsible,” he said. “I’m talking about the long term impact of legalization in the United States. It scares us. And now that kids are turning gay from the drug, how much longer do politicians need to keep this deadly experiment going?”

John Winger from Denver told reporters about his experience using the drug. “Right after I injected the pot I knew something was wrong,” Winger said. “My male friend, who I don’t even really like, we were so high from this stuff, we started making out and giving each other HJ’s. I used to like girls, seriously. I wish I would have never tried drugs.”

“We don’t have a name yet for this new strain of gay marijuana,” Downey said. “I urge the great people of Colorado to be on the lookout for addicts, the sharing of pot needles and gay stoners. These potheads don’t care if they turn gay or not, all they care about is getting their next fix.”

The DEA is urging residents who have information about this homosex strain of marijuana to call the Denver Police Department at (785) 273-0325. As always, you can remain anonymous.


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DeQuincy, Louisiana Making Talking About ‘The Dress’ Illegal With 30 Days In Jail For Repeat Offenders

March 4, 2015 by Leave a Comment

A small town in Louisiana is making discussing the color of the dress illegal.

The city of DeQuincy is fining first time offenders $500 and assigning mandatory 30 day jail sentences for repeat offenders.

The Mayor of DeQuincy, Tom Downey, spoke to CNN about the ban the city is placing on discussing the the color of the dress.

“We already have a huge problem in this town with residents not going to work, and now, because of this gosh dang dress, they really haven’t been going to work,” said Downey. “They either stay at home or go to the bar and just look at pictures of these dresses and debate what color it is. Loud arguments and fights break out; It’s all a bunch of hogwash I tell ya!” Downey continued, “Talking about this dress is a waste of time and it’s effecting our economy here in this town, so finally I had to put my foot down, and now it’s illegal.”

VIDEO: A City In Louisiana Makes Discussing ‘The Color Of The Dress’ Illegal

Way to go DeQuincy!

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Anonymous Shuts Down ISIS Dating Website

February 28, 2015 by Leave a Comment

The group Anonymous has single-handedly shut down the ISIS dating website, ISISsingles.com.

“Operation ISIS Social Continues,” Anonymous tweeted today, describing its most recent action taking down the ISIS singles website.

Using Pastebin, Anonymous posted usernames, login information and Twitter accounts for members of the dating site.

This is the first ISIS dating site that has been shutdown and was applauded by various groups online.

ISIS dating website taken by Anonymous

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Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation While Accepting Award In The Tybee Islands

February 9, 2015 by Leave a Comment

Tybee Island, GA — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested yesterday for masturbating in public. The mascot along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 36-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested outside Tybee Vacation Rentals located in the Tybee Islands after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Tom Downey with the Tybee Island Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Savannah, Georgia news station WJCL about the arrest.

Tybee mascot Fappy Paul Horner

The contest held by the Tybee Island Police Department to find a new mascot, which was won by Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Turns out he was in town accepting an award to be the new mascot for the Tybee Island Police Department. I didn’t believe this at first, but after further investigation, it turns out this was factual information, so this whole ordeal is quite an embarrassment for the police force here on Tybee Island. We further learned that Mr. Horner has two previous arrests for public masturbation while with the Christian organization Stop Masturbation Now. We’re still looking into why that didn’t show up in our background check we did on Horner before giving him the award. Horner is technically the new mascot for the Tybee Island Police Department, but a hearing will be held later today to hopefully strip that roll from him as soon as possible.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done amazing things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Tybee five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

Horner told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment.

“I want to apologize to all my amazing faithful Fappy fans out there, I love and miss you all,” Horner said. “You have my word that I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.”

On the group’s Facebook page this morning, news was posted of the arrest.

I have some bad news everyone. I want you to hear it here first before the media outlets spread their lies about the incident. Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is Paul Horner, was arrested yesterday by the Tybee Island Police Department. Our lawyers tell us he is being charged with public masturbation, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. He is currently being held at the Tybee Island jail in Georgia until a bond is set by a judge, this happening hopefully soon. Please don’t jump to any conclusions about this until we have all the evidence. Please keep Fappy in your prayers during this difficult time.



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U.S. Company Hiring Mercenaries To Kill ISIS; Starting Pay $500K/yr

October 28, 2014 by 3 Comments
Horner G6S Mercenary Inc., seen here, taking out a base in March of this year known to house members of ISIS.

G6S Mercenary Inc. taking out a base in March of this year known to house members of ISIS. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Phoenix, AZ — An up-and-coming militant organization, Horner G6S Mercenary Incorporated, or simply known as G6S, which has known ties to the U.S. military, says it is now aggressively hiring the general public for the specific purpose of killing those affiliated with the Islamic State. The company is offering a mind-blowing starting pay of $500,000 dollars per year regardless of your history or previous background. Their only requirement, is you kill members of ISIS. Lots and lots of them.

G6S, owned and operated by 35-year-old Paul Horner of Phoenix, Arizona, spoke with MSNBC today and complained of President Barack Obama’s handling of the situation with ISIS.

“That Muslim president of ours is not doing enough to put an end to ISIS, and for obvious reasons, he’s Muslim. Well, that will all change with what we are accomplishing over there in the Islamic State. We’ll be glad to pick up the slack of Obama to protect this country like any real president should.”

Gwen Hawkins, who recently signed up with G6S back in May, told CNN that she is ready to die for her country.


“I’d honestly settle for being a human hostage bomb. Pop a bomb inside my stomach, point me in the proper direction toward getting captured, and then detonate once inside. It’d solve my problem of having a depressing and mundane life and would probably lead to an acceleration of earnings that I could only obtain via a life insurance policy, which I’m not eligible for given my medical history. That money would help my friends and family more than I ever could. Actually, I’ll have to talk to G65’s human resource department to see if they would be willing to pay me extra for something like this or at least ensure that my income would be distributed appropriately.”

Jason McKay, who signed up for G6S last month, and received his complimentary iPhone 6, told Fox News he will be injecting himself with the Ebola virus, purposely captured by the Islamic State and inflict as many casualties as possible.

“I will be injecting myself with Ebola and then apprehended by Isis so I can laugh as they get splattered in my toxic blood as the cut off my head. Also, I am a pilot who will attempt to spread the Ebola virus by air and also cover their skies with poisonous chemtrails.”

G6S operative Michael D. Adams told reporters he force feeds bacon to captured members of ISIS since the teachings of the Quran do not allow it.

“Threatening those scum with pork and bacon is a great way to gain important intelligence about their operations before we slaughter them.”

At a press conference in Phoenix on Monday, Horner was more than happy to explain purpose of his organization.


“What we are doing is good versus evil, plain and simple,” Horner told reporters. “We will be cruel to ISIS, and through our cruelty they will know who we are… And the the Islamic State will fear us. Horner continued, “ISIS ain’t got no humanity. They’re the foot soldiers of an Islamic-extremist-hating mass murdering maniac. And they need to be destroyed. And that’s why each and every son of a b*tch associated with this Islamic State, they’re going to die. We will be cruel to ISIS, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, disfigured bodies of their brothers that we leave behind us. ISIS won’t be able to help themselves but imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And they will be sickened by us. And they will talk about us. And they will fear us. When members of ISIS close their eyes at night and are tortured by their subconscious with the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with.”

Every day more and more individuals have been signing up for this almost certain death sentence. On a lighter note, early this month a Christian organization‘s mascot, Fappy The Anti-Mastubation Dolphin, made the journey with G6S to the Middle East. Fappy told reporters that when he is not fighting ISIS, he is traveling around the country speaking to elementary school children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.

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