Archives for January 2013

New Craze In Louisiana Called ‘Whipping’ Has Arrests At An All-Time High

New Craze In Louisiana Called Whipping Has Arrests At An All-Time High

Seen here is an anonymous individual ‘whipping’ on a mailbox. ‘Whipping’ is a new trend in Louisiana which involves males rubbing their penis on various objects.

DeQuincy, LA — A new craze is sweeping parts of Louisiana as teenagers are participating in a unique fad known as ‘whipping’. ‘Whipping’ involves a male rubbing their penis on various objects and then taking a picture of his actions to show friends or posting the photo(s) online for others to see.

23-year-old Brandon Adams from DeQuincy told reporters the different types of ‘whipping’ that is being done in his town. “The better the ‘whipping’ the more points you score with friends,” Adams said. “Pulling down your pants and ‘whipping’ on a bar stool or something is pretty funny, but ‘whipping’ on a police car is epic. The more danger involved, makes for a better picture.”

Local resident 27-year-old Sarah Winters witnessed ‘whipping’ just days ago and told reporters that she is still traumatized from the event. “So I’m at this bar by my house with my friend Amber, drinking a few beers, just having a good time. Suddenly this group of 5 or 6 guys come in with their pants down and start running around the bar rubbing their dicks on everything. Before the owner had a chance to do anything, the group had left, but not before penis residue was all over everything,” Winters said. “They had to close the bar for two days and bring in a Hazmat Crew to clean up everything. I don’t think what they’re doing is funny at all, it’s just disgusting.”

Sergeant Paul Horner of the DeQuincy Police Department said ‘whipping’ has become a big problem in the town. “The kids get drunk, they pull down their pants and start rubbing their dicks all over everything,” Horner said. “It’s not cool or hilarious like these guys think it is, it’s illegal. A first time offense for ‘whipping’ will usually get the individual a warning. Second and third offenses carry a minimum of a week to 30 days in jail. We’re done messing around with these types of shenanigans.”

Horner ended the press conference explaining what his plans are for the future of ‘whipping’ in DeQuincy. “Pranks like these have been around for years. It used to be innocent things like planking and things of that nature, but ‘whipping’ is just going too far. We are making it priority number one in our city to put an end to it once and for all.”

If you witness ‘whipping’ of any kind please call the Whipping Hotline at (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

Justin Bieber Will Be On Omegle January 14th Chatting With Fans

Justin Bieber chatting with fans on Omegle January 14th

Justin Bieber will be chatting with his fans on the website Omegle January 14th.

Hollywood, CA — Justin Bieber’s camp held a press conference today to announce that Bieber will be chatting with his fans on Omegle, a free online chat website, January 14th from 1pm until 11pm PST.

Bieber’s manager Paul Horner told reporters that this is a great way for Bieber to communicate with his fans and fix his tarnished reputation. “After it was reported by TMZ that Justin was smoking marijuana with friends, this hurt Justin deeply. He loves his fans very much and just hopes they can forgive him,” Horner said. “That is why he is spending most of his day this Monday chatting with his fans, his true beliebers as he likes to call them.”

“I think it’s great what Justin is doing,” says 11-year-old Ashley Hawthorne from Brooklyn. “Everyone makes mistakes in life ya know. I love Justin no matter what he does. I’m a true belieber!”

Horner said Bieber will be glad to answer any questions that his fans may have for him. “Justin said he wants his fans to be honest and open with him, and he will do the same. He also said he expects them to be polite and courteous and he will do the same,” Horner said. “Justin is really looking forward to Monday so lets make this a great experience for everyone.”

The Bieber camp told reporters that if a fan is looking to chat with Bieber they simply need to type in the words “I AM A BELIEBER” before starting a conversation with a new stranger. “This will let Justin identify you as a fan,” Horner said. “Each individual has a limit of 10 minutes to chat with Justin before he will move on to the next fan.”

Leif K-Brooks who created Omegle back in 2009 said he is thrilled to have Bieber on his site chatting with fans. “This is exactly what I created the site for. It connects people who would normally never meet in real life. I’m announcing January 14th as ‘Justin Bieber Day’ on Omegle.”

Omegle is a free online chat website that allows users to communicate with strangers without registering. The service randomly pairs users in one-on-one chat sessions where they chat anonymously using the handles “You” and “Stranger”. Omegle also recently launched a mobile application that lets users chat with strangers from an iPhone, iPod Touch, Android,or Palm webOS device.

Justin Bieber And Lil Twist Announce Benefit Concert For NORML – Working to Legalize Marijuana

Justin Bieber smoking weed

Justin Bieber seen here smoking marijuana as reported by the website TMZ.

Brooklyn, NY — Exciting news for Justin Bieber fans and pot smokers around the world, as the Bieber camp told reporters at a press conference this morning that Bieber and rapper Lil Twist are teaming up for a one-night-only benefit concert for NORML, which works to legalize marijuana.

“We’re addressing these issues about Justin smoking marijuana, as reported by TMZ, before it gets out of hand,” Bieber’s manager Paul Horner told reporters. “Justin has always been an activist and by teaming up with Lil Twist for this benefit show it will not only restore his image but it is also for a great cause. It’s a win-win for everyone.”

Opening for Bieber and Lil Twist are long time marijuana advocates Phish. Trey Anastasio who plays guitar and is lead singer for the group said he is looking forward to the concert. “This is a great way to spread awareness about marijuana. Our fans have always had our back, so I hope they support Justin and Lil Twist the same way they’ve always supported us. It will be a great night for a great cause, and we’re really ecstatic to being a part of it.”

Eric Burns who is a spokesman for Barclays Center where the concert will be held said he is thrilled to have Bieber and Lil Twist performing there. “We couldn’t be anymore pleased. Raising awareness about marijuana and working to legalize it is always a great thing,” said Burns. “Also, for some reason I thought Bieber was a girl, no disrespect. I’m not saying a chick couldn’t do all this, I guess I’ve just always been confused. But now that’s all cleared up and I can’t wait for him to perform at our venue.”

Bieber told reporters why he decided to do the concert. “You know, like, if we don’t do something now, the government could take away all our rights and stuff and I’m just trying to do something positive here. I love all my fans and I hope they come out to support what we’re trying to do. Beliebers unite!”

11-year-old Ashley Hawthorne from Brooklyn said she is excited about the upcoming concert. “I can’t wait to go! I’ve never tried marijuana before, but anything Justin does, I will always do. I’m a true belieber!”

29-year-old Aaron Johnson who just got done serving a 3 year prison sentence for felony harassment and stalking of Bieber said he is delighted about the chance to attend this concert. “I served my time and I learned my lesson. I apologized to Justin Bieber’s family and his friends. I had a problem, but I’m better now,” Johnson said. “I should have had clothes on when I showed up at the Bieber’s Thanksgiving dinner in 2009 uninvited. And I should have had clothes on when I was escorted from Bieber’s residence those seven different times. And I should have had clothes on, well pretty much all of 2009. There was actually very few days that I had clothes on that year.” Johnson continued, “I told my probation officer, who has agreed to let me go to this concert next month, that I promise I will keep my clothes on the whole time. You can’t keep a good belieber down!”

NORML is a nonprofit lobbying organization working to legalize marijuana, stop arrests of smokers, provide educational research and information on marijuana. NORML’s mission is to move public opinion to achieve the repeal of marijuana prohibition so that the responsible use of cannabis by adults is no longer subject to penalty.

The concert at Barclays Center is a one-night-only performance and is an all ages show. Bieber Bongs and Bieber Blunts along with other Justin Bieber pro-marijuana merchandise will be available at the concert. The show is scheduled for February 6th at 8 PM. Tickets for this event go on sale tomorrow. The Barclays Center is located at 620 Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, New York. You can purchase tickets online or call (785) 273-0325.

The Punjab Rape Festival In India Begins This Week

Rape in India

Pictured here is the starting of last year’s Punjab Rape Festival, which locals say was a big success.

Punjab, INDIA — Men in India are already beginning to celebrate as the annual Punjab Rape Festival is just days away. Every non-married girl age 7-16 will have the chance to flee to safety or get raped.

Madhuban Ahluwalia who heads up the annual festival told reporters why the event is so important. “This is a long time tradition in Punjab dating back thousands of years,” says Ahluwalia. “We rape the evil demons out of the girls, otherwise they will cheat on us and we will be forced to kill them. So it is win-win for everyone.”

The Punjab Rape Festival began in 43 BC when Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu raped everyone in his village of Ludhiana. Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu is remembered every year at this event, in fact the trophy given to the man with the most rapes is called ‘The Baalkrishan’.

23-year-old Harikrishna Majumdar tells reporters that he has been training all year for this event. “I’m going to get the most rapes this year. I’ve been practicing raping my sister and her friends every day. I will be rape superstar number one! I will get the Baalkrishan prize this year for sure!”


11-year-old Jaitashri Majumdar told reporters she almost did not get raped at last year’s festival. “I came so close to not getting raped. I almost got to the ‘rape-free-zone’ at the edge of town, but at the last minute 12 men jumped on me and raped me. Luckily I am just recovering now so I can participate in this year’s events, otherwise I would be put to death by stoning.”

34-year-old Paul Horner from Toronto who is visiting Punjab on business told reporters he will be missing the festivities this year. “I’m getting the f*ck out of this backwards country tonight.”

India is second in reported rapes in the world only behind the United States, though critics are quick to point out that is only because most rapes in India go unreported. For more information on the festival or if you would like to participate, please call the 24-hour Punjab Rape Festival hotline at (785) 273-0325.

India working to end the Punjab Rape Festival

[Updated at 05-07-13 | 11:06 AM PDT] The winners of this years Punjab Rape Festival have been announced, click here.

###

WANT TO HELP THE WOMEN IN INDIA? THEN DO SOMETHING!

Giveindia.org gives 90%-95% of the money that you donate directly to the cause of helping women in India. This money provides them with proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more! GiveIndia.org is in no way associated or responsible for this article or the views expressed in it.

Click here to donate!

Funny news

UPDATE 11/7/13: Woman of India, it’s your fault.

UPDATE 10/8/13:
View India’a Response Here

UPDATE 10/9/13:
India Ends Diplomatic Relations With The U.S. Over Satirical Article

UPDATE 11/13/13:
Top India police official says, “If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it.”


Was James Holmes The Only Shooter In The Aurora Colorado Shooting? You Be The Judge

Was James Holmes the only shooter?

James Holmes after being booked for the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shooting.

Every day I read more and more conspiracy theories surrounding the Colorado shooter James Holmes. They are not even becoming conspiracies anymore, it is becoming almost like fact and the trial has just started. According to cable news: HE IS THE LONE SHOOTER, SICKO, WEIRDO, WHO KILLED THESE PEOPLE IN COLD BLOOD. And that is it. And, they could be right. I am not a conspiracy nut, but just too much weird stuff surrounds this case. I want to document it, ask questions and maybe get some real answers if there is more to this case than what the media is force-feeding us. That is the goal here.

My problems with this shooting started immediately from day one. There is just so many wrongs with everything and none of it makes sense. It is like you can sense something is not right and there is way more to what really happened behind the scenes. And instead of the media asking the tough questions, we are just seeing the same bullsh*t on every channel, and I want to know more.

So let’s go!

* Holmes supposedly had this planned out to a tee. Then, when done, just went out to surrender to cops with no weapons in his hands. No getaway plan. He was dressed as the joker. Killing cops was the Joker’s thing. He had no problem killing little kids in the theater (He shot a six-year-old five times), but not one shot was fired at cops. Also the cops said he was dazed and out of it when apprehending him.

* He booby trapped his entire apartment. And this wasn’t your ordinary pipe bombs and 4th of July sparklers, this was state of the art explosives on par or above military grade technology. The door was unlocked, he (they) wanted civilians to trigger the explosion. But the neighbors just banged on his door and luckily they never opened it. They heard sounds of extremely loud techno music coming from inside and sounds of gun shots, which was the reason they were banging on the door in the first place. Once Holmes was in custody, he told the police immediately his house was booby trapped. WTF? WHY? Why go through all the highly sophisticated trouble to kill, and then without even being interrogated, tell the police this information?

* His dad created FICO and highly sophisticated algorithms for Wall Street and LIBOR. He was just getting ready to testify against the people in charge of what most people are calling the biggest fraud in American history. He never testified after his son was arrested. Read: LIBOR Scandal

* An accomplice was seen with Holmes according to eye witnesses in and outside the theater. The cops found a second gas mask away from Holmes’ car used by someone else. Smoke bombs came in after Holmes entered the theater from behind him or the side according to eye witnesses. If Holmes was under some kind of mind control such as Hypnosis, MK Ultra or a drug like Scopolamine he would still need a handler to tell him what to do. This is what an accomplice in a situation like this would be used for.

* Holmes never took any shooting lessons. His voice mail was weird when the shooting range called, but he never answered his phone. He never went to the shooting range. All his weapons were bought online, meaning anyone could have bought them.

* Overnight he becomes the terminator. His gun jams during the shooting and like a pro, un-jams it and is ready to keep killing. No one can identify if it was him doing the shooting because he was covered in black head to toe, protective gear and a gas mask/shield that hid his face.

* Somehow, the only thing that makes him look crazy is a notebook filled with drawings of killing and gore (Think Patrick Bateman – American Psycho and his notebook) that magically shows up at his Colorado school, that he just dropped out of, on the day of the killing spree addressed to the psychologist there that Holmes saw once.

* The media is describing Holmes as a crazy loner. LOOK at his videos on Youtube of classmates talking about him and also Holmes presenting something for a science class. He looks and sounds like an outgoing, funny and friendly individual. You cannot deny that if you view the videos. He looked 100% normal, not a “crazy loner” as depicted by the media.

* Selling the story… The courthouse scene where he is drugged out of his mind and cannot answer a question. Then his mugshot, makes him look like a psycho on meth. People will see that face and yes, to anyone that just follows cable news, he looks like a deranged killer. “Of course he killed those people,” they will say.

* In his prison cell the news that we have heard from the guards are, is that Holmes is saying he has total amnesia from this – exactly what mind control drugs would do. The guards say he is complaining a lot about the prison food. Seriously think about this. ANYONE, not wanting to go to prison because you know of the conditions there (horrible food being one of those conditions)… there would have been a getaway plan (Holmes was smart), or at least take ONE shot at the police, or take a bullet to the head. Holmes did not fire ONE round of ammunition at authorities. He had guns and thousands of rounds left. But instead he just stood there, waiting for cops to arrest him, like the drugs or being hypnotized (something of that nature) was wearing off.

* False flags by the US Government are real. They have happened numerous times in the past and people are in prison because of it.

[Updated at 01-09-13 | 7:16 PM PDT]

* We learn today that no drug test was done on James Holmes. Why not? One drug test would actually clear up most of the conspiracy theories about all of this… but, no drug test. The cops said James Holmes’ pupils were fully dilated when he was apprehended, dazed and completely out of it. As he was being questioned at the station, he was playing with paper bags over his hands as sock puppets and trying to stick staples from a stapler in a wall socket… and still no drug test.


Not even him being childish or ‘out of it’, but the shooting alone and how horrible this whole thing was… why would you not want a blood or urine sample? Also, he had a car there, so the cops could assume he was driving. Besides the murders… what about a DUI? I mean seriously.

WHY WOULD YOU NOT DRUG TEST THIS PERSON?

[Updated at 01-11-13 | 8:53 AM PDT]
* Yesterday we learned that James Holmes has an orgy amount of premeditated evidence against him. He took pictures of himself on his phone with all his guns. He setup a dating profile hinting of going to prison etc etc etc

For such an intelligent person like Holmes, who planned this tragedy out so well, it’s almost like he wanted to go to prison. HE COVERED ZERO of his tracks leading up to the shooting. Zero. He didn’t delete or get rid of anything that would show he’s guilty of premeditated murder. He didn’t try at all to stay out of jail after this happened, and that is odd. Especially since he’s claiming amnesia for this whole thing. My brain hurts.

[Updated at 01-13-13 | 2:55 AM PDT]
SOURCE:

James Holmes is supposed to have had two Iphones, one recovered in his car and one recovered from his home. The one recovered from the scene is the one with all the incriminating evidence on it and may very well be the one which James Holmes is supposed to have ordered his weapons and ammo with. But that phone has an interesting history with regard to July 5th.

It seems on that one day, July 5th, James Holmes used that cell phone to:

  1. set up an Adult Friend Finders page with incriminating statements written into his message
  2. take pictures of someone wearing black contacts (to hide the fact that their eyes are the wrong color?) who is supposedly James Holmes with the murder weapons in a fashion much like the now infamous “backyard rifle pictures” that surfaced of Lee Harvey Oswald (those pictures are widely understood to have been fabricated in order to frame Oswald)
  3. take photos of the back of Theater 9 at Century 16

Any fool, and I mean ANY FOOL can plainly see that the only person who would have done all of these things in a single day would only have done so in an effort to connect James Holmes with this massacre.

My opinion: This was either a setup, or James Holmes wanted to go to prison. Those are the only two options. And he’s in prison, complaining about the food and the conditions…saying he doesn’t remember anything… so I’m thinking he didn’t want to go to prison. Also one more thing… Anyone can clone your Sim card. His phone could have easily been cloned, no problem. Just something to think about.

Video and Audio of James Holmes and the Aurora Colorado Shooting:

* Video: Various eyewitness accounts of a second shooter, accomplice or handler

* Audio: Police radio audio starting with first dispatch to the Aurora, Colorado shooting at Century 16 Theater

* Video: James Holmes first appearance in court

* Video: Documentary – The James Holmes Conspiracy

So what is the motive? Who would do all this and why?

  • 1. Gun control. If there is something more to all of this, whoever set James Holmes up is winning with news like this, this, this and this.
  • 2. Biggest financial scandal in history – the LIBOR scandal. The dad would have not been good to have at these hearings. He ended up not being at the hearings because of this tragic event.
  • 3. As goes with the LIBOR scandal so does the biggest banks and the Federal Reserve.
  • 4. The testing of mind control by the government or other agencies. They have been doing this for the past sixty-years and has been featured in such movies as The Manchurian Candidate.

The people responsible for this must be held accountable. If it is found that James Holmes acted alone, then he deserves everything coming to him. But if he was just some pawn that could be moved off the board, the people that are the true culprits must be brought to justice.

From the author of Super Official News: I have never really believed in conspiracies like 9/11 or chemtrails and things of that nature. In my opinion there are parts that are interesting about each one, but lots of holes in the theories. On the other hand, with this James Holmes case, so far I cannot find many holes. This is some scary stuff. I want to continue to update and document this page throughout the trial as more evidence comes in. Lets see if we will actually see video of inside or outside the theater or will it mysteriously be lost or suppressed? I want to especially document the names of the people that saw another shooter or accomplice that are seen in these videos. I want to follow their stories and see if they actually testify at trial, like they currently say they are going to.

Also, I know what some of my readers on this site are thinking? Is this a joke article? No. This is the only serious article on this site, I promise. This is too serious of a topic to joke around about. I just thought since I have the audience and fans that I do, that are very up to date on their current events, this would be a great place for something like this.

So feel free to post any information or comments below. No cable news outlet is covering the story this way. Their agenda with this case is simple. James Holmes is guilty until proven guilty, so lets do something different. Lets just show the facts. No agendas and see what happens. Thanks! ~ Paul Horner

I would love your feedback! Please leave a comment below!

Westboro Baptist Church Ending Their Campaign Of Hate

Westboro Baptist Church ending it's hate and picketing

Westboro Baptist Church seen here in this picture along with counter-protesters.

Topeka, KS — The Westboro Baptist Church held a press conference this morning to announce that it has decided to end thier campaign of hate which has lasted more than 22 years. Fred Phelps, who heads up the organization, told reporters how they had come to this decision. “Yesterday I learned of the sad news that my wife of 47 years had intercourse with another man before we were married. According to the bible, she should be put to death. I decided that I cannot do that, not only because it would be illegal, but because I love her.” Phelps continued, “I think some things in the bible worked back then but they do not hold water today. So with that being said, we are officially ending our message of hate along with ceasing the picketing of any groups such as gays and Jews as of today.”

“I think it is great what the WBC is finally doing. They recognized the error of their ways and they are doing something about it,” said 34-year-old gay rights activist Paul Horner from Topeka. “They were picking and choosing what to preach from the bible. Either preach it all, or preach none of it, but don’t use the bible as a scapegoat to hate a certain group of people.” Horner continued, “I have friends that don’t care for gay people, but they would never say they don’t like them because of the bible, because that is just ridiculous. If you don’t like something, do it for your own personal reasons, don’t use the bible as an excuse.”

Phelps went on to tell reporters the future plans of his church. “In the next week we will be shutting down all of our ‘hate’ websites such as GodHatesFags.com and GodHatesAmerica.com. We will continue holding church service, where everyone will now be welcome,” Phelps said. “We will also be hosting new charitable events such as gay Bingo night, gay toy drives and kosher food drives just to name a few.”

The press conference ended with Phelps answering a reporter’s question concerning all the people that they have wronged over the years. “Jesus only spoke of love and compassion. What we were doing was the exact opposite. I just hope and pray that everyone can forgive us for our many years of wrongdoing.”

The Westboro Baptist Church began leading anti-gay protests in 1991. They received nationwide attention when Phelps and his followers picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard, carrying signs that announced Shepard was already burning in hell. The WBC is not affiliated with any Baptist denomination. The church describes itself as following Primitive Baptist and Calvinist principles. The WBC has setup a 24-hour hotline at (785) 273-0325 to answer questions about any of their upcoming charitable events.