‘The X Factor’ 43-Story Tall Marble Statue Unveiled In Times Square

The Ass Press
Posted: 09/13/2012 8:00:11 PM PDT

New York, NY — The 43-story tall marble statue featuring the judges from ‘The X Factor’ was finally unveiled in Times Square today. The statue depicts the likenesses of Demi Lovato, Britney Spears and Simon Cowell. The statue is the brain child of Simon Cowell who is one of the controversial judges from the show and also the creator of American Idol.

Michael Bloomberg, the Mayor of New York, said he’s extremely pleased with the statue. “Who doesn’t love statues? Especially one that is 43-stories tall, features the judges from ‘The X Factor’ and is right in the middle of Times Square? This will definitely drive more tourism to our great city.”

Demi Lovato who is a judge from ‘The X Factor’ said she was not pleased with the statue. “Why isn’t the statue taller? You can barely even see this from ten miles away. Everyone needs to know the name Demi Lovato and remember it.”

Long-time New York cab driver, 52-year-old Amir Krishna Hashim, said the statue makes it extremely more difficult to get through the city now. “What is this thing that’s as tall as a skyscraper? Driving through Times Square was already impossible, now I have to look at these b*tches too?”

Paul Horner who was the artist on the project talked to reporters this afternoon and explained his thought process behind creating the statue. “It celebrates America,” Horner said. “The statue was either going to be a fat guy eating a giant hamburger riding a bull on top of Walmart and high-fiving Jesus or this. After long and careful thought I decided to go with ‘The X Factor’ statue.”

Mumia Abu-Jamal from the NAACP said he is extremely angry that African American judge L.A. Reid was excluded from the marble statue. “He’s one of the four judges on that horrible show. Why is he not in the statue too? I count three silly crackers, but no brother? The NAACP will definitely be filing a lawsuit against the city for discrimination.”

Simon Cowell was asked by reporters why L.A. Reid was not in the statue. “I guess that’s the real x-factor right there,” Cowell said. “No, actually the budget ran out for the statue and we unfortunately could not include him.”

Bloomberg finished the press conference by explaining to reporters the historic value of the statue. “This statue will be enjoyed by people in Times Square for hundreds of years to come. Even when ‘The X Factor’ gets cancelled in six months, we will still have a great reminder of what could have been.”

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