Washington, D.C. — Obama held a press conference this morning to announce that he has granted Governor Rick Perry and the state of Texas their request to secede from the Union. This effect will take place December 31st, 2012 at midnight. Texas is the first state to secede from the Union. 20 more states are currently requesting secession.
Obama told reporters that he will be sad to see Texas go but said his administration won’t stand in the way of their happiness. “They will be missed, but if this is what they truly want, I wish them all the best,” Obama said.
Eric Burns who heads up The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality spoke to reporters about the current economic state of Texas. “Texas secessionists claim their state to be one of the largest and because of this the most capable of maintaining independence, yet Texas remains one of the poorest states in the nation,” Burns said. “Almost one in four Texans are uninsured. The state ranks worst in the nation for health care delivery and this isn’t even including the nearly 4 million Texans relying on federal nutrition assistance. It’s going to be a mess for them once they secede in January.”
Paul Horner, Obama’s top political adviser, said he’s confused with Texas and their decision to secede. “I’m not sure if they are aware of this but the government maintains relations with other countries, runs the Army, Navy, Air Force, Border Patrol and Customs, all to protect this country. They also provide food stamps and welfare among many other things, all of which they will no longer receive,” Horner said. “Governor Perry accepted $17.4 billion in stimulus packages from the government last year that of course we expect to be returned. The USDA farm subsidies in Texas have received $25.9 billion in federal funds from 1995-2011, so that won’t be happening anymore.” Horner continued, “Texas, you’re all good to go and join Mexico, just let us check your pockets first.”
Marsellus Wallace who is a spokesman for the president had one last thing to say before ending the press conference. “What now? I tell you what happens now between the United States and Texas. There is no United States and Texas. Not no more,” Wallace said. “Texas, you leave town January 1st, and when you’re gone, you stay gone, or you be gone. You lost all your United States privileges.”
See ya.. Don’t let Oklahoma hit you on the way out
I’ll miss Austin
Nothing in Texas but steers and queers
I live in Texas. What do I do now?
Hey, f*ck you Dennis
Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.
Deport where ? What are you talking about? If they do not want to be a part of the Union that’s OK.
They have rights to remain in their “homes” ( State of Texas). Looks like you love to be govern by an iron hand, don’t you?
My sentiments exactly. You dont like how the election turned out so you’re going to completely turn your back on the U.S.? *#&$& Traitors.
Thats how this country got started, idiot.
Well, Texas should recover real quick. It’s healthcare system will pick up because hospitals won’t be forced to go bankrupt by treating illegals without compensation that jump the border to have break immigration laws and the 4 million federal nutrition assistance will be deported because it will be finally be allowed to protect it’s border. LOL
Well, Texas won’t recover quickly because there won’t be so many people moonlighting. The illegals that are treated moonlight for Texans. This means profits and revenew for teh Texan Authorities! Also, NASA will be leaving Texas along with The US Army, US Navy, US Air Force, US Marines Corp, FBI, US Coast Guard, US National Guard and other agencies. This will mean BIG unemployment rate, don’t forget that a big part of the defence industry is in Texas and they will reorganise also. You will also have less tourists and that means a lot of small shops will close down and a lot of motels and hotels will also close down. This will mean that the Texan Authorities will go bankrupt.
A states National Guard is it’s own militia, the state’s private army. The National Guard of Texas would stay because the belong to the Sate Government, not the National. This would reduce employment because the people that do have federal jobs will just be reassigned.
So, now if I want to visit Austin from Arizona I’ll have to fly through customs… or how will that work?
I live in Texas. I’m not going anywhere I can tell you that for sure!
Deport them to where?? You’re an idiot.
Darn! Are they taking the Brunswick Bowling Ball Factory and the Bowling Hall of Fame with them?
Only thing that would be missed but the USA will survive without it. About time President Obama calls someones bluff. In hindsight, feel certain President Lincoln would have said, ” Good Riddance”, especially after the mess the government made of this country after his assassination. Texas, take your own constitution and get out!!!
Texas is full of f*cking morons. Fuck em, they get what they deserve
Maybe Texas is sick and tired of an “intelligent ” people like you
You’re not smarter and neither are the people that signed the petition.
I signed the petition, so go f*ck yourself, and you can take the wetbacks that Texas throws out with you. It’s a solid state being drug down by the illegals. If O’Bummer would do the job of a real president then Texas wouldn’t have even brought up leaving the USA. If they break away the real Texans will stay.
I have lived in Texas all my life and you can go straight to H***
Hope you are aware of the possibility of being a citizen of the State and not a citizen od USA .
Interesting subject not known to many Americans.
I live in texas and im not for this at ALL!! I hate that some red neck fuck makes people think were a bunch of backwater cowboy idiots. Most of texas is not like that at all. Now i have to live in an independant state for a jackass i opose and didnt vote for (perry) i was a deligate for obama and dont want this shit to happen at all. And btw to the ignorant pion with an iq of 13 theres steers and queers in just about every state genius.
What’s the quote I’ve heard for YEARS from the right wing? If you don’t like it get the hell out. I think now it’s time to heed their own advice.
If the president DID allow this… god help us all
Thank you Barrack. Texas pays more in federal taxes than we receive. You ALREADY don’t protect us from smuggles, dope dealers and illegal immigrants. We have 15 million hunters with 75 million guns! Keep your socialism, your passports and your arrogance. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Texas is the largest defense contractor, exporter of food and self-sufficent in gas & oil. WE MEAN IT LET US OUT!
Really!
Ah, yet another conservative utilizing outright lies to support their position. In 6 of the last 8 years Texas has taken in more federal funding than it has paid in taxes.
PS Things missing from the letter above:
*NASA’s Johnson Space Center and all its assets, equipment must be returned to US soil immediately. All NASA personnel will report to Kennedy Space Center.
*The state of Texas must reimburse the US government, at current market price, for the lands contained in all National Parks and other federal lands in the state immediately and in full.
You understand that Texas and every other State is in itself a separate country already that falls under the umbrella of the US Federal Government and that they don’t have to give a damn dime for their own land that is and has been theirs since the forming of their State. You’re already a citizen of your State… it’s not like there isn’t a system out there already.
The thing is that NASA will close down since it belong to the Union and so will the Armed Forces bases. This will destroy Texas’ economy since Defence Industry is the second largest sector!
I am 90% sure that this is true… still trying to get more info
Well, let them leave them. F*ck em’
HAHAHA
OMG! This is not happening!! I am stuck here by law! This is NOT fair to those who didn’t want this and can’t go anywhere b/c of legal custody issues!!!!
obviously if we wanted a secession there is plans for our own gov we aint just gna leave and not know what to do damm fk all of yall im from texas n ima stay in texas fkk OBAMA fkk the govenment
Just think the gov get’s to keep 25.9 billion dollars maybe that will help the USA Debt and send our tax bill to Russia so they can pay it when they pay the money they owe the USA LOL
Lies.
too bad there are nigs in Texas or it would be a perfect place like NH or Me
The assumptions made herein are that Texas will continue with Federal hand-outs. Further, the assumption here appears to be that Texas doesn’t contribute anything to the Federal Government. Lastly, the whole notion of NASA withdrawing from TX. along with Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, etc.; umm, NASA is all but FLAT BROKE and the armed forces are being scaled back to a total of 10 brigades (presently) for the entire Nation under our current illustrious “leader”!!
Now, for some FACTS:
Texas receives 90% of the revenue (taxes) collected and forwarded to the Federal Government.
Texas is the 14th largest economy in the World.
Texas would be the 46th largest country in terms of population.
Texas GDP ($1.3 Trillion) – Same as the country of Australia.
3 of the 10 largest ports within the U.S. are located in Texas.
Texas refines 85% of ALL gasoline presently sold/used within the U.S. and has the natural resources to support state-wide consumption for the next 300 years.
TX. is totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, pork, grain, fruits, vegetables and seafood.
Texas has a balanced budget.
These are merely a FEW of the facts regarding what would happen in the event TX. were to be allowed to secede. If TX. is such a drain on the U.S.; why on EARTH would the U.S. government so vehemently deny their request(s) for secession?
The Government denies their request for secession because if we suddenly lost half of the fat white racist morons in this country, bad things could happen. Have you ever seen the butterfly effect?