Governor Jan Brewer Threatens Lawsuit Against Hoax Author Who Claimed She Supports Mandatory Gay Conversion Classes For Children

Jan Brewer from Arizona speaking about her new gay to straight conversion program which will be implemented in all public school in Arizona.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is threatening a lawsuit against the culprit behind the hoax yesterday which had the internet up in arms.

Phoenix, AZ — Governor Jan Brewer’s spokesman Andrew Wilder held a press conference this morning with reporters announcing news of a possible lawsuit against Phoenix, Arizona resident 34-year-old Paul Horner. Horner was the culprit behind yesterday’s hoax which had the internet up in arms. The satirical article stated that Brewer signed off on a bill implementing a mandatory school program designed for all Arizona children grades K-12 requiring all homosexual males and females to become straight.

Brewer’s office did not see the humor in such a stunt, and denounced the suggestion that the governor would target young people with such a discriminatory program: “It’s a completely phony and vile report, and its authors should be ashamed,” Wilder told the Arizona Republic yesterday.

“This lawsuit is real and is nothing to be taken lightly,” Wilder told CNN. “If the author of the article in question wants to avoid legal action, we are asking him to immediately remove the story from National Report and cease and desist any further foolishness of this nature against the governor.” Wilder continued, “Governor Brewer also expects a full and sincere apology, no less than 1,000 words long. This is to help compensate the harm and mayhem his ridiculous article caused the great state of Arizona and to the Governor’s Office. Mr. Horner can either post a public apology on his Super Official News website, National Report, his Facebook page located at facebook.com/paulissuperawesome or contact the governor directly at [email protected].”

These are tweets recently posted by the three parties involved in response to the fake article posted by Mr. Horner yesterday

Governor Jan Brewer tweet about Paul Horner and hoax article

People Can Change tweet about hoax article and Paul Horner

Joe Arpaio tweet about Paul Horner and hoax article about Jan Brewer

Related: Video denouncing fake story about gay student conversion program in Arizona which aired last night on Fox News, watch here.

To read Horner’s satirical article that is making such waves in the Governor’s Office and around the web, you can view it here.

Al Sharpton Outraged About New Online “Slavery” Website

Jerome Smith, Chairman & CEO of Black Friend Connect, Inc.

Jerome Smith, Chairman & CEO of Black Friend Connect, Inc.

Washington, DC — It seems you can find just about every type of website and service out there these days; this is probably one you have never heard of or seen before. It is called ‘Black Friend Connect’. Their business model revolves around the idea of a white person “renting” a black friend and while the company is gaining in popularity, it has a lot of people outraged, including the Reverend Al Sharpton.

“This company is ridiculous! They are just some racist group trying to make a quick buck. It’s vile, full of hate and disgusting,” Sharpton told reporters. “Black Friend Connect is the new form of slavery. Why don’t they just have the negro come out to their plantation and pick cotton?”

Jerome Smith, Chairman and CEO of Black Friend Connect, Inc. defends his company and told reporters it is great way for white people to find a new black friend. “Every white person needs a black friend. Whether it is fist bumping you in front of your white co-workers or being the black friend you introduce to all your white friends at a party, Black Friend Connect will fulfill all of your black friend needs,” Smith said. “Bottom line is, Black Friend Connect will help prove to your white friends that you are not a racist along with providing you a new and interesting friend.”


52-year-old Mavis Downton told CNN that she does not agree with Black Friend Connect. “I have black friends, and I certainly would not ‘rent’ a friend of any description. If you have to pay for it, they are not your friend.”

Smith told reporters that they are helping both white people and black people with his company. “We provide well-paying jobs for African Americans and friends for white people who would normally not have a black friend. It’s a win-win situation.”

“What Black Friend Connect has just done is revoke the dreams and ideas of Dr. Martin Luther King. They are setting this country back 200 years,” Sharpton said. “It just makes me sick and action must be taken to shut down Black Friend Connect as soon as possible!”

To find your very own black friend you can contact Black Friend Connect online at BlackFriendConnect.com, or by phone at 480.286.9861.

###

I Received This Message Today

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation DolphinI received this message today from Paul Horner of Phoenix, Arizona:

Dear Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin,

I recently made friends with a couple who lives next door to me. They are about my age, have a 6-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old Labrador Retriever. A few weeks ago they said their babysitter had canceled on them at the last minute and asked if I could help. I didn’t really want to but they were a nice couple, their daughter and dog were pretty chill, so I thought it shouldn’t be a problem. So I say yes. Anyway, about 5 hours into this thing, it’s boring as shit. The 6-year-old is watching cartoons and the dog is doing dog things. So I start drinking. After a while I start hanging out with them on the couch. They pass out and I’m horny. I start looking at that thing and just want to put my dick in it. I know it’s illegal, but I drink some more and unfortunately give into my urges. After less than 30 seconds I realize how immoral and wrong it is what I’m doing so I stop. I quickly pull up my pants and run off to the master bedroom where I pass out.

In the morning I awake to the couple entering the house. I talk to them briefly, they attempt to pay me – which I decline, then I leave. For at least a week or two after that I am thinking at any moment the cops are going to knock on my door and arrest me; but they never do.

Anyway, long story short… Am I going to Hell for fucking the dog?

Thanks –

Paul Horner

=================
Dear Paul,

I did not read anything about masturbation in your story. I am only here to prevent self-rape so when it comes to that aspect of your story I think you are Hell-free. As for the dog, that could be a Hell-violation, but I do not have any knowledge or could I comment on that subject.

Best of luck to you!

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin
http://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin

Edward Snowden Safely Lands In Venezuela Where He Was Granted Asylum To Avoid U.S. Extradition

Edward Snowden safely lands in Venezuela from Cuba, originally from Moscow, after Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro offered him asylum.

Edward Snowden safely landed in Caracas, Venezuela after Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro offered him asylum.

EDIT: 8/1/13 – It turns out I received bad intel on this story. I guess he was actually just granted asylum in Russia for one year. That’s where he is and will be for the while. My bad.

Washington, DC — The Al Jazeera news agency is reporting that NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden has safely landed in Caracas, Venezuela. Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro had offered asylum to the former U.S. intelligence contractor on Friday who was believed to be waiting in transit at a Moscow airport.

Guillermo Thomas who is a spokesman for the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela told aljazeera.com that Snowden is currently in the country and that he is thrilled to be there. “We are very blessed to have Mr. Snowden in our country, it is a pleasure,” Thomas said. “There were no direct flights across the Atlantic from Moscow to Venezuela. The only flight for Snowden to avoid U.S. extradition was to travel through Cuba. We would like to thank our friends in Cuba for making this journey possible and such a success.” Thomas continued, “Mr. Snowden is a hero and should be treated as one. We are pleased to provide this hero a home where he can live and be safe.”

Maduro announced his decision to allow asylum to Snowden during Venezuelan independence day celebrations. “As head of state, the government of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela decided to offer humanitarian asylum to the young American Edward Snowden so that he can come and live here, away from the persecution of American imperialism.”


Snowden’s journey began in May of this year after he was permitted temporary leave from his position at the NSA in Hawaii, on the pretext of receiving treatment for his epilepsy. On May 20th, Snowden flew to the Chinese territory of Hong Kong. This is where he was staying when the initial articles revealing information about the NSA that he had leaked were published. Among other specifics, Snowden disclosed the existence and functions of several classified U.S. surveillance programs and their scope, including notably PRISM, NSA call database and Boundless Informant. He also revealed details of Tempora, a British black-ops surveillance program run by the NSA’s British partner, GCHQ.

Snowden explained his actions to Glenn Greenwald from the Guardian about the motives behind the biggest intelligence leak in a generation. “I don’t want to live in a society that does these sort of things (surveillance on its citizens). I do not want to live in a world where everything I do and say is recorded.” Snowden further stated, “I have no intention of hiding who I am because I know I have done nothing wrong.”

Snowden told the Guardian that by revealing his identity he hoped to protect his colleagues from being subjected to a hunt in determining who had been responsible for the leaks. He also said that Lindsay Mills, his girlfriend who was living with him in Hawaii, was being a real “bummer” and this was as good an excuse as any to get away from that situation.

Lindsay Mills’ new boyfriend Paul Horner told the BBC News earlier this month that Snowden couldn’t handle commitment. “He’s just using this whole whistleblower thing as an excuse. The truth is, Lindsay is a great girl and Snowden really blew it by leaving her,” Horner said. “But she’s with me now and I’ll make sure to take real good care of her. America is here for their women in need, especially when that woman was left by a traitor to this country.”

On June 14, 2013, U.S. federal prosecutors charged Snowden with espionage and theft of government property. Snowden is believed to have asked 27 countries for asylum, most of whom had turned down his request since he outed himself as the NSA whistleblower responsible for leaking information about U.S. Government spy programs.

###

Groundhog Day 20th Anniversary Reunion Tour Kicks Off July 13th

Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Bill Murray from a scene in Groundhog Day will be participating in the 20th Anniversary party for the movie that begins July 13th in Phoenix, Arizona.

Culver City, CA — The day that would never end for Bill Murray is turning 20-years-old and the cult classic Groundhog Day is celebrating it properly with a 29-city movie reunion tour that kicks off in Phoenix, Arizona on July 13th. Included in the tour will be cast members Bill Murray, Chris Elliott, Andie MacDowell and Stephen Tobolowsky. It is unclear the exact parties they plan to attend, but if you live in any of the cities listed on the tour, the main characters from Groundhog Day might just be partying with you.

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for Sony Pictures Studios said everyone is excited about the reunion tour. “What better way to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Groundhog Day than a reunion tour visiting and partying with the same fans who made this movie as popular as it still is today,” Horner said. “Besides the fun and excitement this tour will bring it is also helping others by raising money for the March of Dimes that works to improve the health of mothers and babies.”


For those not familiar with the movie; it centers around an arrogant and egocentric Pittsburgh TV weatherman (Murray) who is reluctantly sent to cover a story about Groundhog Day. This is the fourth year in a row that he has done the story and makes no effort to hide his frustration. The following day he finds himself in a time loop, repeating the same day over and over again. Groundhog Day has been considered a tale of self-improvement which emphasizes the need to look inside oneself and realize that the only satisfaction in life comes from turning outward and concerning oneself with others rather than concentrating solely on one’s own wants and desires. According to the website Wolf Gnards, Murray’s character Phil Connors spends 8 years, 8 months and 16 days trapped in Groundhog Day.

It is not yet known the venues of the parties and where they will be held in each city. Horner told CNN that most of the parties will be at someone’s personal residence. “Any house or location interested must have a sheet or banner with the words ‘Groundhog Day Party Here’. You can also contact the hotline we have setup and inform us of a party that you will be throwing,” Horner said. “Ideas for your party can include a screening of the movie Groundhog Day, karaoke, Groundhog Day themed costumes along with plenty of food and alcohol just to name a few. Murray, Elliott, MacDowell and Tobolowsky will be signing autographs and just hanging out with guests so please make your party as comfortable as possible for them.”

The odd moment of the press conference came when 27-year-old Eli Kluger from Phoenix, Arizona told reporters he thought Rick Moranis was in Groundhog Day. “Wasn’t Rick Moranis in Groundhog Day, or am I thinking of another movie?” That is when all the reporters in attendance laughed and pointed at him for being stupid or attempting to be funny.

The Groundhog Day Movie Reunion Tour kicks off July 13th in Phoenix, Arizona and will end September 14th in Austin, Texas. For a complete list of dates and locations of this tour, click here. For more information please call the 24-hour Groundhog Day Movie Reunion Tour Hotline at (310) 244-4000.

###

Guinness World Record For Longest Twitter Hashtag Has Been Announced

#HELLOIAMA34YEAROLDNAMEDPAULHORNERANDFUCKEDAHOTBLACKGIRLLASTNIGHTFORTHEFIRSTTIMEINMYLIFE
ANDITWASSOBIGBOOTYAWESOMEIJUSTHADTOBRAGABOUTITANDALSOPROMOTEBIGBOOTYHOESTOTHEWHITEGUYS
OUTTHERETHATAREAFRAIDBECAUSESERIOUSLYYOUHAVENOTHINGTOFEAREXCEPTHESTRONGPOSSIBILITYYOF
GETTINGROBBEDATGUNPOINTANDCATCHNGAIDSBUTREGARDLESSITISSTILLWORTHITJUSSAYINBOOMERNICHOLS

Guinness World Record For Longest Twitter Hashtag

Guinness World Record Hashtag award