There’s no stopping it… Mitt Romney has your vote. He has everyone’s vote. Sorry.

Recent Super Official News

• City in Louisiana Offering K-12 Education In Only 6 Months
• Monsanto Funds Anti-Masturbation Organization
• Harry Potter Scandal: J.K. Rowling Is A Fraud
• Don’t Be Afraid Of Love!
• Happy Mother’s Day To Flappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin!
• Surprise Winner At This Years Punjab Rape Festival
• Inspired By Jason Collins, Entire WNBA Comes Out Of The Closet
• Human Sex Trafficking Operation Uncovered At Madison Street Jail In Phoenix Arizona
• Small Town In Louisiana Bans Koreans
• Boston Marathon Bombers Were Pressure Cooker Salesmen Gone Bad
• Deep Thoughts by Paul Horner
• U.S. Stealth Bombers Dropping Leaflets Over North Korea Warning Of Attack
• Justin Bieber Devastated As His Monkey Remains in Quarantine
• What, a, prankster…
• Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin & SMN Banned In California
• Hilarious Ideas For Pranking People On April Fool’s Day
• Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Arrested For Public Masturbation
• Director Of Kony 2012 Announces Plans For Anti-Masturbation Documentary
• Vegas Betting On How Many Altar Boys New Pope Has Molested
• 9Gag Suing Reddit For 50 Million Dollars
• Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Kicks Off Nationwide School Tour
• Michelle Obama To Play Wife Of Lando Calrissian In Star Wars: Episode VII
• Disney Announces Details Of Star Wars: Episode VII
• Woman Kills Five People For Not Accepting Her Friend Requests On Facebook
• Christopher Walken Confesses To Being The Culprit Behind The Banksy Arrest Hoax
• Banksy Arrested In London, Identity Revealed
• Vatican Announces New Pope Three Weeks Early
• 5 Helpful Tips To Improve Your Dining Experience
• Obama Announces New Guns Or Drones Program
• Christopher Dorner UPDATE: Los Angeles Evacuating Everyone That Is Not A 275lb Black Man
• Disney Announces Plans For 26,000 Star Wars Movies In The Next 5 Years
• BREAKING NEWS: It’s Snowing In The Northeast, Again
• Is There A Heaven Or A Hell?
• Drone On
• Whole Foods and McDonald’s Announce Partnership
• India Removing Women’s Eyes Who Are Caught Reading Books
• SMG Says Super Bowl Blackout Was Prank Played By Employee
• Bill Murray Performs Heimlich Maneuver, Saves Choking Man At Lunch
• Bill Murray Catches Bank Robber In Tokyo, Accidentally
• Obama Says He Will Free The Sh*t Out Of Australia After Trillions Of Dollars Of Oil Has Been Discovered In The Region
• Lindsay Lohan’s British Identical Twin Living A Wonderful Life In London
• New Study Shows The Bigger The Gun, The Bigger The Person, The Smaller The Penis
• Man Sues Friend Over Stealing His Facebook Cover Photo For $1.2 Million
• Manti Teʻo Inspires Thousands Of Gay Mormons To Come Forward & Admit That They Too Do Not Have A Real Girlfriend
• Small Town In Louisiana Arming Its Students & Staff With Hand Guns
• 2,452 Party Fouls Earns Man Spot In The Guinness Book of World Records
• New FDA Approved Drug Allows You To Taste, Smell And Hear Colors
• New Craze In Louisiana Called ‘Whipping’ Has Arrests At An All-Time High
• Justin Bieber Will Be On Omegle January 14th Chatting With Fans
• Justin Bieber And Lil Twist Announce Benefit Concert For NORML – Working to Legalize Marijuana
• The Punjab Rape Festival In India Begins This Week
• Was James Holmes The Only Shooter In The Aurora Colorado Shooting? You Be The Judge
• Westboro Baptist Church Ending Their Campaign Of Hate
• Man’s New Year’s Resolution Is To Get Clean After Becoming A Drug Addict Last Week
• Facebook News: Randi Zuckerberg Suing Brother Mark Zuckerberg For Lack Of Privacy Over Pictures Posted
• Teacher Fired After Telling 1st Graders That Santa, Easter Bunny And Tooth Fairy Do Not Exist
• Is Sarah Jessica Parker A Horse Trotting Around In A Human Body? You Be The Judge!
• Local Man Stops Robbery By Quoting Pulp Fiction
• Facebook To Start Charging Users $3.99/mo Beginning August 14th, 2013
• The 10 Funniest Autocorrects Of 2012
• McDonald’s Announces New Flying McLiger Sandwich For A Limited Time Only!
• Facebook Announces New Breathalyzer Chat & Posting Feature
• Contact Information For The Westboro Baptist Church Who Are Planning To Picket The Funerals Of The Children Killed At Sandy Hook Elementary School
• The New Mayan Calendar Goes On Sale December 21st!
• Bizzle Murray, Seth Rogen, Jack Black, and Rainn Wilson Sign On Fo’ Pimpbustas 3
• Applebee’s In Laveen Arizona Announces New & Exciting Changes!
• No “Munchies” Remain After Washington State Legalizes Marijuana
• Arizona’s $588 Million Powerball Winner Comes Forward
• Bill Murray Signs On For Ghostbusters 3
• Obama Declares December National Gay Guy Appreciation Month
• Papa John’s Apologizes: Offers One Free Large Pizza Per Household Till The End Of The Year
• Obama Allows Texas To Secede From The Union
• New Law Allows Pregnant Women To Use Carpool Lane In Louisiana
• President Obama Presents Paul Horner With Super Universe Ultimate Award For Excellence In Winning The Game
• Mitt Romney Drops Out Of Race: Endorses Obama For President
• Millions Feared Dead By Hurricane Sandy: Pussy Name For A Hurricane To Blame
• Fuck Mitt Romney.
• 14 Billion Dollars Worth Of Drugs Stolen From DEA Warehouse In Daring Heist
• eHarmony Acquires Romney’s Binders Full Of Women For Their Premium Members
• Obama: Halloween Changed To November 2nd This Year
• Lay’s® Announces Top 3 Finalists For The Million Dollar Prize In The LAY’S® Do Us A Flavor™ Contest
• Mitt Romney’s Economic Plan Unveiled Today In Washington
• Mitt Romney Inspires 47% Of Americans Not To Be Losers Anymore
• The Prophet Muhammad Returns: Addresses All The Bullsh*t That’s Been Happening
• ‘The X Factor’ 43-Story Tall Marble Statue Unveiled In Times Square
• Clint Eastwood Takes Chair On Nationwide Comedy Tour
• Todd Akin Accepts Bill Nye’s Challenge For A Science Debate
• Blazing Saddles The Musical Coming To Broadway
• South Park Contest: Why I Love South Park
• Accused Rapist Found Not Guilty Using ‘Todd Akin Defense’
• Ttokkyo Laboratories Launches Adoraberil: Anti-Growing Animal Wonder Drug
• Mars Rover Finds First Signs Of Life On The Red Planet
• Mars Rover Comes Out Of The Closet
• Bill Murray Shows Up In Phoenix: Kicks Off Party Crashing Tour With A Bang
• NBC Explains Tape Delay And Censorship Of The Olympics
• Confirmed: Bill Murray’s Agent Will Be Attending Party In Phoenix On August 1st
• Mitt Romney To Legalize Marijuana And Gay Marriage, Once In Office
• Joe Paterno Statue Sold At Private Auction
• 69 Dead In Apparent Mass Joke Suicide
• Bill Murray Announces Party Crashing Tour
• Obama Auctioning Off All Pot Seized In Drug Raids Since 2008
• TSA Now Offering Free Gift With All Full Body Cavity Searches
• Mitt Romney Leaving The Mormon Religion For Christianity
• Details Of The 5-Year Marriage Contract Between Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes
• Announced – The Big Lebowski 2: The Dude Goes To Washington
• Joe Arpaio Announces New Zombie Bath Salt Task Force Called SALTS
• DEA Chief Dodges More Questions Friday At Her Own Mental Health Screening
• Mitt Romney Campaign Using “Ron Paul Diversion Vehicles”
• New Drug Craze Leaves 3 Teenagers Hospitalized
• Gay Zombie Attack In Louisiana From Bath Salts Leaves 7 Dead
• Facebook Launches New Gold Account Program For $9.95/month
• North Carolina: First State Making It Illegal To Be Gay
• Prisoner Escape Used Scenes From The Shawshank Redemption
• Obama Says More Gay Comments, This Time About Nickelback
• Man Who Determined Ice Cube’s “Good Day” Awarded Nation’s Highest Medal
• Mitt Romney Mad About His Universe Selection As God In The Afterlife
• Billionaire’s New Presidential Campaign: Check None Of The Above
• Man Not Guilty in Killing Wife Over Too Many Facebook Game Requests
• Televangelist Pat Robertson Tells His Congregation That He’s Gay
• Obama Signs NTACT Into Law: Allows Waterboarding Marijuana Users
• New ‘Work to Fly’ Program Sponsored by Mitt Romney
• Rick Santorum Voted People’s Sexiest Republican Alive
• New Trayvon Martin Photos Emerge
• Maryland’s $640 Million Mega Millions Winner Comes Forward