Announced – The Big Lebowski 2: The Dude Goes To Washington

The Ass Press
Posted: 06/27/2012 6:00:14 AM PDT

The Big Lebowski sequelHollywood, CA — Exciting news for Big Lebowski fans everywhere has just been announced. A sequel to the 1998 cult classic is said to begin filming sometime this October.

The story centers around Jeff Bridges as Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski and Walter Sobchak who is played by John Goodman. The two have just learned that their bowling alley will be closing in exactly one week to make way for a parking garage all at the hands of a corrupt and evil land owner named Bavarian Illuminati, who is played by Bill Murray.

The pair decide to seek out the help of The Dude’s only son Mark Lebowski, played by Jesse Eisenberg, who was conceived in the first movie. The Dude’s son is now 18 years of age and just happens to be the youngest congressman in the history of the United States.

Making a return is Julianne Moore as Maude Lebowski. Also returning is Philip Seymour Hoffman as Brandt who is said to be acting as help for the “The Dude” and Walter as they make their way to Washington. In addition, accompanying the trio to D.C. is Jesus Quintana, played by John Turturro. It’s still unclear if Tara Reid will be appearing in the film. It’s rumored that the Coen brothers were so angry after she leaked the project back in 2011 that they pulled her from the film. Sources close to the film say that special guest appearances will be made by Rand and Ron Paul.

30-year-old actor Steve Middleton from Arizona, who plays one of the villains in the movie said he was so excited to be part of this highly anticipated sequel. “In the movie I play a character named Tad Stevens. He’s the tough guy in the movie, trying to give “The Dude” and Walter a hard time. Throughout the movie I wear Tapout and Affliction shirts, drive a Hummer and sport a lot of hair gel. It’s fun. To be honest this is pretty much how I am in real life so it wasn’t that big of a change for me.”

Film critic Paul Horner with the New York Times says this movie should be huge. “The extremely talented Ethan Coen and Joel Coen did the writing for this and Joel will even be directing again. This is definitely at the top of my list for most anticipated upcoming movies to see.”

The scheduled release date for “The Big Lebowski 2: The Dude Goes To Washington” is said to be sometime around the Summer of 2015.

For more Big Lebowski check out, The Little Lebowski.

Mitt Romney Campaign Using “Ron Paul Diversion Vehicles”

The Ass Press
Posted: 06/20/2012 6:00:52 PM PDT

Mitt Romney Campaign Using "Ron Paul Diversion Vehicles"Tampa, FL — In shocking news just released this morning, sources say Mitt Romney and his campaign for President are using funds to buy up what is being referred to as “Ron Paul Diversion Vehicles”. The idea is to discredit Ron Paul supporters and make them appear “crazy” and “uninformed”.

This information was leaked by an informant who says she was paid to drive around cars with “ridiculous amounts of Ron Paul advertisements“. Since she came forward this weekend, now others have too.

51 year old Bill Jenkins from Miami says he was paid $1,550 a month by Romney’s campaign to drive around his “Ron Paul Diversion Vehicle” in Tampa, Florida. He said he would get bonuses for yelling out the window of his car at school children or old people saying such things as “Investigate the Bilderberg Group” and “9/11 was an inside job.” Jenkins continued, “If anyone out there wants me to drive around a car promoting their goods or services, please contact me. I feel what I did for Mitt Romney is a great start to a possible career in this.”

Another person close to the scandal, who wished to remain anonymous said the accusations are 100% true. “Yeah, they called them diversion vehicles. We couldn’t get enough people to drive these things around. Politics are a dirty game and it’s a tough economy out there. Plus, most people are stupid and have no morals whatsoever.”

Paul Horner, a campaign spokesman for Romney, spoke briefly to reporters this morning saying that these allegations are completely false. “We’re running a fair campaign here. Obviously when someone runs for President, the nut jobs are going to come out of the wood work. That’s all this is.” Horner then went on to say, “What we need to be focusing on right now is important issues like Obama’s Birth Certificate. You like having a black Muslim running your country? What about all these gays having the same rights as others? And you’re worried about Mitt Romney buying a few vehicles to possibly deceive the American people, possibly change the outcome of the Presidential election and the future of this country? Seriously people, let’s get our priorities straight here.”

Ron Paul or any of his campaign officials could not be reached for comment at the time of this release.