Facebook To Begin Charging Members $1.99/mo Starting In June

Facebook monthly fee of $1.99/mo to begin in JuneFacebook will begin charging its users $1.99/mo starting June 1st. The change takes place after Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a press conference today announcing the news.

“This is something that must be done,” Zuckerberg told reporters.

If you cannot afford the monthly fee, in a new status update, copy and paste the words, ‘I LOVE FACEBOOK AND I AM POOR SO PLEASE WAIVE MY MONTHLY FEE’. You must also include the hashtag #ILoveFacebookAndIAmPoor.

Will this be a good or bad thing for Facebook? Time will only tell.

DRUGS IN COLORADO: New Deadly Strain Of Marijuana Turning Users Gay

Just when you thought the drug problem in Colorado could not get any worse, law enforcement officials are now reporting incidents of marijuana users turning gay.



“We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Dr. Paul Horner of the Barrow Neurological Institute. “The drug users in Colorado are injecting a strain of marijuana that changes the chemical makeup in the brain. The drug effects the receptors that controls your like or dislike of the opposite sex.”



Tom Downey, the chief of operations at the DEA, told CNN that marijuana related problems in Colorado have quadrupled since the legalization of the drug. “I have to say this…going down the path to legalization in this country is reckless and irresponsible,” he said. “I’m talking about the long term impact of legalization in the United States. It scares us. And now that kids are turning gay from the drug, how much longer do politicians need to keep this deadly experiment going?”

John Winger from Denver told reporters about his experience using the drug. “Right after I injected the pot I knew something was wrong,” Winger said. “My male friend, who I don’t even really like, we were so high from this stuff, we started making out and giving each other HJ’s. I used to like girls, seriously. I wish I would have never tried drugs.”

“We don’t have a name yet for this new strain of gay marijuana,” Downey said. “I urge the great people of Colorado to be on the lookout for addicts, the sharing of pot needles and gay stoners. These potheads don’t care if they turn gay or not, all they care about is getting their next fix.”

The DEA is urging residents who have information about this homosex strain of marijuana to call the Denver Police Department at (785) 273-0325. As always, you can remain anonymous.





First Ever Head Transplant Is a Success

Doctors in Africa are reporting that a 36-year-old man has made an 80% recovery after receiving the first ever head transplant.

Horner, whose body was riddled with bone cancer, received the donor body from a 21-year-old man who has been brain dead from a car accident back in 2012.

Doctors are excited about the surgery and expect Horner to make a full recovery within one year.

One of the doctors that performed the surgery told reporters, “After the success of this surgery, the possibilities to saving and improving lives are infinite.”

BREAKING NEWS: It’s Snowing In The Northeast, Again

Ken Harris shoveling his driveway in the Northeast

Ken Harris shoveling his sidewalk in the Northeast, again.

Boston, MA — A massive snow storm and blizzard is hitting the Northeast, again. The winter storm is stranding motorists on highways and piling up drifts so high that some homeowners are having problems getting their doors open. This may remind you of the great snow storm from 2014 where the exact same situation happened, along with every other year before that.

Erich Sean from Boston said he gets frustrated every year around this exact same time.

“I just keep telling myself that maybe this will be the year we don’t get blizzards and huge snow storms, but I’m always wrong,” Kelly said. “Well, maybe next year I’ll be right.”

Paul Horner who is weather man for WCVB said he was amazed with all the snowfall happening in the Northeast.

“When I first heard about the snowstorm I couldn’t understand how this could be possible. To see all this snow in February during the winter time, it just blows your mind,” Horner said. “I just want to say a word to all of our loyal viewers and readers; if you’re out in the snow, without clothes on, go back inside your home and put clothes on immediately. Then proceed to do what you’ve always done during February for the past 100 years or however long you’ve lived in the Northeast.”

73-year-old Wanda Jenkins from Sun City, Arizona told reporters she cannot believe the news about all the snowstorms and blizzards happening in the Northeast.


“Oh lawd, it’s just horrible. Have you seen the news lately? It’s snowing like crazy in the Northeast, again. And all of this during wintertime, in February, just like it always does,” Jenkins said. “I’m planning on sending care packages to all of my relatives that live in the Northeast. Each box will be filled with fake snow and photographs of my beautiful backyard and garden. I think I’ll take the pictures this Saturday, while in my shorts and t-shirt, when it’s supposed to be 80 degrees with clear blue skies.”

The National Weather Service is warning people living in the Northeast to expect more snow and blizzards. The threat level on their website has been elevated to “Normal”, which is where it has been since threat levels for snow and blizzards in the Northwest began being documented over 50 years ago.

If you know of a family member or loved one living in the Northeast, expect them to call you complaining about the weather. Make sure you have caller ID or a block in place so you can disregard their bitching that happens every year at this exact same time.





Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation While Accepting Award In The Tybee Islands

Tybee Island, GA — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested yesterday for masturbating in public. The mascot along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 36-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested outside Tybee Vacation Rentals located in the Tybee Islands after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Tom Downey with the Tybee Island Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Savannah, Georgia news station WJCL about the arrest.

Tybee mascot Fappy Paul Horner

The contest held by the Tybee Island Police Department to find a new mascot, which was won by Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Turns out he was in town accepting an award to be the new mascot for the Tybee Island Police Department. I didn’t believe this at first, but after further investigation, it turns out this was factual information, so this whole ordeal is quite an embarrassment for the police force here on Tybee Island. We further learned that Mr. Horner has two previous arrests for public masturbation while with the Christian organization Stop Masturbation Now. We’re still looking into why that didn’t show up in our background check we did on Horner before giving him the award. Horner is technically the new mascot for the Tybee Island Police Department, but a hearing will be held later today to hopefully strip that roll from him as soon as possible.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done amazing things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Tybee five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

Horner told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment.

“I want to apologize to all my amazing faithful Fappy fans out there, I love and miss you all,” Horner said. “You have my word that I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.”

On the group’s Facebook page this morning, news was posted of the arrest.

I have some bad news everyone. I want you to hear it here first before the media outlets spread their lies about the incident. Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is Paul Horner, was arrested yesterday by the Tybee Island Police Department. Our lawyers tell us he is being charged with public masturbation, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. He is currently being held at the Tybee Island jail in Georgia until a bond is set by a judge, this happening hopefully soon. Please don’t jump to any conclusions about this until we have all the evidence. Please keep Fappy in your prayers during this difficult time.



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Katey Kinkade Is The Most Beautiful Girl In Australia

There is a girl that lives in Australia named Katey Kinkade. She is the most beautiful, funny, clever, creative, intelligent, caring girl that I know.

When Katey Kinkade is not being the most beautiful girl in Australia, she is talking with her Facebook boyfriend Paul Horner. That is a very smart move on her part, but what else would she do in Australia besides being beautiful and catching huge car-size spiders?

If you get a chance to meet the beautiful and charming Katey Kinkade from Australia, I highly recommend it. Though what I do not recommend is living with spiders the size of houses, unless they are beautiful spiders and Katey Kinkade can protect you. She will bash spiders and ride them to America and lease them to amusement parks.

Katey Kinkade is the most beautiful girl in Australia

Katey Kinkade from Australia

Katey Kinkade is beautiful

Katey Kinkade lives in Australia

Katy Kinkade is beautiful

Katey Kinkade likes to paint her face because she is beautiful

Katey Kinkade is the most beautiful girl in Australia

Katey Kinkade beautiful

The most beautiful girl in Australia is Katey Kinkade
Katey Kingade beautiful rapper
This is a signed photo for you player haters out there by non other than Katey Kinkade. This girl is not only the most beautiful female in Australia but also the most amazing rap battle superstar on this planet. I’ve NEVER seen her lose a battle once, not even close, and that is why she is the undefeated world wide rap battle champ 27 years and running. Ladies, give up now and save the tears and embarrassment.

This video is just an example of what happens when Katey Kinkade destroys other rappers who think they can compete with the best, especially sorority girls who think they’re tough. This is your only warning! Best believe that!

 

I hope you enjoyed these beautiful pictures of Katey Kinkade from Perth, Australia. If you are ever thinking of being as beautiful as her, think again. You will just get your feelings hurt and then the huge spiders living in Australia will sense that, and eat you alive.

 

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

London, England — The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, film director, painter and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by London’s Metropolitan Police. After hours of questioning and a raid of his London art studio, his true name and identity have finally been revealed.

The City of London Police say Banksy’s real name is Paul William Horner, a 36-year old male born in Liverpool, England. The BBC has confirmed this information with Banky’s PR agent Jo Brooks along with Pest Control, a website that acts as a handling service on behalf of the artist.

London Police Chief Lyndon Edwards held a press conference to answer questions about Banksy and how Horner was finally apprehended after all these years on the run.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Task Force monitoring different groups where Banksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am a group of individuals left a flat speculated to be one of Banky’s art studios. This group was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the group, 5 men total. These individuals all had ID on them except for one, and that is the one we believed to be Banksy,” Edwards said. “We then raided the studio where the group was last seen leaving from. Inside we found thousands of dollars of counterfeit money along with future projects of vandalism. We also found a passport and ID of a Paul Horner who matched the description of the man that we are currently holding.” Edwards continued, “Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, conspiracy, racketeering and counterfeiting. We are also holding the other four individuals whose names we are not releasing at this time.”


Horner was arrested by London Police in Watford, a town and borough in Hertfordshire, England, about 17 miles northwest of central London. News of the arrest quickly prompted #FreeBanksy tweets and angry messages from people who thought that the cops should find better uses of their time.

The graffiti artist that goes by the name Space Invader told reporters he does not agree with the arrest or outing of Banksy’s identity.

“He’s just doing art, spreading joy and making political statements the best way he knows how. That is what he was doing and I hope that is what he’ll continue to do,” Invader said. “For the London Police to setup some 24-hour task force just to catch Banksy is ridiculous. I hope we hear plenty of noise from the good tax-paying citizens of London about this.”

After today’s arrest it is unclear who else will be sought in connection with Banksy’s arrest. CNN spoke with John Hawes who is Banksy’s project manager, Hawes says he is worried that charges could be brought against him as well.

“If they spent this many man-hours and brought this many charges against Banksy, I can’t imagine that he’ll be the only one to go down in all of this,” Hawes said. “All the beauty Paul Horner brought to this world, unfortunately the London Police just see it as vandalism and want to lock him up. It’s such a shame.”


Banksy’s identity was long speculated to be Robin Gunningham, a man born in Bristol, England in 1973. Known for his contempt for the government in labeling graffiti as vandalism, Banksy displays his art on public walls and even goes as far as to build physical prop pieces. He does not sell his work directly; however, art auctioneers have been known to attempt to sell his street art on location and leave the problem of its removal in the hands of the winning bidder.

Police apprehended the famous street artist while in the middle of finishing a piece about a mascot for a Christian organization named Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin.

“I’m just happy to be a part of this whole thing,” Fappy told CNN. “I’m not familiar with this Banksy character, honestly if it’s not in the Bible I probably haven’t heard of it, but if this arrest spreads awareness of the harmful effects of self-rape, then that is a good thing. Hopefully news of this ordeal will bring the much needed attention to the dangers and consequences of playing with your sin stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell. Hopefully, God willing, one day, masturbation will be illegal and people will finally be free of playing on the Devil’s playground. To find out more about finding a cure to this deadly disease, please visit STOP Masturbation NOW.”

BREAKING NEWS:

Teen Convicted Of Serial Vandalism By Works Of Banksy Sentenced To 25 Years To Life

Local resident 27-year old Matthew Williams told reporters he was disgusted when he heard news of the arrest.

“What a waste of taxpayers money. Wouldn’t it be better spent fighting the war against drugs or violence ? What harm has this man done except produce beautiful thought provoking artwork? The counterfeit money thing has either been planted or its part if his art and not actual real counterfeit cash.” Williams continued, “This is just another move by the Five-Oh to crush anything good and free. People need to work out what side they’re on and if they’re on the side of beauty and freedom, they need to start fighting back. There are simply not enough heroes like Banksy to do it for you. I hope this blows up in the cops’ faces and the rest of the government as well.”

One Of The More Memorable Quotes By Banksy

“People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you. You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity.

F*ck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.

You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.”

Banksy autograph and photo

A black and white image created from the documentary “Exit Through The Gift Shop” along with an autograph from Banksy.

BREAKING NEWS:

Teen Convicted Of Serial Vandalism By Works Of Banksy Sentenced To 25 Years To Life

In 2011, Banksy was a no-show to accept his Oscar for his documentary Exit The Gift Shop, though his artwork was seen all over Hollywood in days leading up to the awards.

As soon as news of the arrest was made, the City of London Police say they began receiving dozens of phone calls from people either claiming to be Banksy, or claiming to be with him. As of 6 PM London time, hundreds of people were gathered outside the London Police Department chanting “I’m Banksy!” and holding signs demanding his release. Various local news stations have reported witnessing the crowd parting for a blind woman who attempted to turn herself into authorities claiming that she was in fact the real Banksy.

Horner was born in Liverpool is a city in Merseyside, England, on the eastern side of the Mersey Estuary. Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of graffiti, public vandalism, criminal mischief, public indecency, resisting arrest, money laundering, criminal conspiracy and racketeering. More charges may follow. Anyone with more information on criminal charges that could be used against Horner, London Police working alongside with the F.B.I. have setup a 24-hour hotline at (785) 273-0325.

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

Facebook To Fine Users That Post While Drunk; Breathalyzer For Repeat Offenders

Menlo Park, CA — At a press conference this morning, Facebook rolled out their new fee structure for those that use the social media website while intoxicated. Beginning January 1st of next year, Facebook says it will start implementing fees ranging from $20 all the way upwards of $1,000 for repeat offenders. The social media giant says the move is to keep inappropriate content off the site and maintain a family-friendly oriented place for individuals to gather online.

“We thought long and hard about this decision, but at the end of the day, we had no choice but to add these fees,” Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg told reporters. “If we don’t do something about all the belligerent postings on Facebook, we could face an unrecoverable financial burden and become obsolete.”

“This is excellent news for Facebook stock holders,” says Wall Street analyst Dale Sackrider. “As of August this year, Facebook had a total of 1.317 billion users. If just 10% of those members pay the new fees associated with inebriated postings on Facebook, that will mean an annual influx of cash totaling roughly $100 billion. That’s not just an increase in profits of a few dollars, that’s a game changer right there.”



In an interview with CNN, Facebook spokesman Paul Horner explained the reason for the fees.

“Economic times are tight, the ads on Facebook are not as profitable as we had planned. Our costs are going up as hundreds of thousands of individuals continue to join the site every day,” Horner said. “There’s so many pictures of cats, and all of those costs add up, we just can’t foot the bill any longer. Bottom line is, if you post on Facebook while intoxicated, you will pay a penalty for that.”

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group, says their business could not survive without Facebook.

“Charging people to use Facebook while drunk means there won’t be as many masturbating heathens on the site cluttering it up with their obscene language and misspellings, which makes my job much easier. Personally, I like Facebook because it helps me promote my side business of making personalized video greetings. Those videos are good, clean fun for the whole family, and they also help pay for my anger management and sex offender classes. Praise Fappy!”



Horner spoke to reporters about repeat offenders who continue to use the site while intoxicated.

“We’re extremely excited about the launch of a new breathalyzer chat and status update posting feature. Violators will now be required to blow into the Facebookalyzer™ before posting a status update or chatting with friends. The idea is to help other users get a better perspective on what they’re reading or who they are chatting with based on that person’s blood alcohol level,” Horner said. “Users with a blood alcohol level over .15 will now be blocked from posting or chatting about such things as boyfriends, girlfriends, exes, religion, politics or personal stances on activism of any kind. The topics for these users are limited to such things as mini-giraffes and recipes for pumpkin pie.”

45-year-old Tom Downey from Arlington, Ohio says he enjoys using the Facebookalyzer™.

“Before I would drink a fifth of Jack Daniels, go online and rant about how much of a b*tch my girlfriend is or how much I love her. Now with this new feature from Facebook that doesn’t happen anymore. Thanks Facebookalyzer™!”


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U.S. Company Hiring Mercenaries To Kill ISIS; Starting Pay $500K/yr

Horner G6S Mercenary Inc., seen here, taking out a base in March of this year known to house members of ISIS.

G6S Mercenary Inc. taking out a base in March of this year known to house members of ISIS. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Phoenix, AZ — An up-and-coming militant organization, Horner G6S Mercenary Incorporated, or simply known as G6S, which has known ties to the U.S. military, says it is now aggressively hiring the general public for the specific purpose of killing those affiliated with the Islamic State. The company is offering a mind-blowing starting pay of $500,000 dollars per year regardless of your history or previous background. Their only requirement, is you kill members of ISIS. Lots and lots of them.

G6S, owned and operated by 35-year-old Paul Horner of Phoenix, Arizona, spoke with MSNBC today and complained of President Barack Obama’s handling of the situation with ISIS.

“That Muslim president of ours is not doing enough to put an end to ISIS, and for obvious reasons, he’s Muslim. Well, that will all change with what we are accomplishing over there in the Islamic State. We’ll be glad to pick up the slack of Obama to protect this country like any real president should.”

Gwen Hawkins, who recently signed up with G6S back in May, told CNN that she is ready to die for her country.


“I’d honestly settle for being a human hostage bomb. Pop a bomb inside my stomach, point me in the proper direction toward getting captured, and then detonate once inside. It’d solve my problem of having a depressing and mundane life and would probably lead to an acceleration of earnings that I could only obtain via a life insurance policy, which I’m not eligible for given my medical history. That money would help my friends and family more than I ever could. Actually, I’ll have to talk to G65’s human resource department to see if they would be willing to pay me extra for something like this or at least ensure that my income would be distributed appropriately.”

Jason McKay, who signed up for G6S last month, and received his complimentary iPhone 6, told Fox News he will be injecting himself with the Ebola virus, purposely captured by the Islamic State and inflict as many casualties as possible.

“I will be injecting myself with Ebola and then apprehended by Isis so I can laugh as they get splattered in my toxic blood as the cut off my head. Also, I am a pilot who will attempt to spread the Ebola virus by air and also cover their skies with poisonous chemtrails.”

G6S operative Michael D. Adams told reporters he force feeds bacon to captured members of ISIS since the teachings of the Quran do not allow it.

“Threatening those scum with pork and bacon is a great way to gain important intelligence about their operations before we slaughter them.”

At a press conference in Phoenix on Monday, Horner was more than happy to explain purpose of his organization.


“What we are doing is good versus evil, plain and simple,” Horner told reporters. “We will be cruel to ISIS, and through our cruelty they will know who we are… And the the Islamic State will fear us. Horner continued, “ISIS ain’t got no humanity. They’re the foot soldiers of an Islamic-extremist-hating mass murdering maniac. And they need to be destroyed. And that’s why each and every son of a b*tch associated with this Islamic State, they’re going to die. We will be cruel to ISIS, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, disfigured bodies of their brothers that we leave behind us. ISIS won’t be able to help themselves but imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And they will be sickened by us. And they will talk about us. And they will fear us. When members of ISIS close their eyes at night and are tortured by their subconscious with the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with.”

Every day more and more individuals have been signing up for this almost certain death sentence. On a lighter note, early this month a Christian organization‘s mascot, Fappy The Anti-Mastubation Dolphin, made the journey with G6S to the Middle East. Fappy told reporters that when he is not fighting ISIS, he is traveling around the country speaking to elementary school children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.

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Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

Banksy is Paul Horner

A mugshot taken by London Police today of Paul Horner AKA Banksy. (AR Photo/Dennis System)

London, England — The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, film director, painter and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by London’s Metropolitan Police. After hours of questioning and a raid of his London art studio, his true name and identity have finally been revealed.

The City of London Police say Banksy’s real name is Paul William Horner, a 36-year old male born in Liverpool, England. The BBC has confirmed this information with Banky’s PR agent Jo Brooks along with Pest Control, a website that acts as a handling service on behalf of the artist.

London Police Chief Lyndon Edwards held a press conference to answer questions about Banksy and how Horner was finally apprehended after all these years on the run.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Task Force monitoring different groups where Banksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am a group of individuals left a flat speculated to be one of Banky’s art studios. This group was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the group, 5 men total. These individuals all had ID on them except for one, and that is the one we believed to be Banksy,” Edwards said. “We then raided the studio where the group was last seen leaving from. Inside we found thousands of dollars of counterfeit money along with future projects of vandalism. We also found a passport and ID of a Paul Horner who matched the description of the man that we are currently holding.” Edwards continued, “Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, conspiracy, racketeering and counterfeiting. We are also holding the other four individuals whose names we are not releasing at this time.”

Horner was arrested by London Police in Watford, a town and borough in Hertfordshire, England, about 17 miles northwest of central London. News of the arrest quickly prompted #FreeBanksy tweets and angry messages from people who thought that the cops should find better uses of their time.

The graffiti artist that goes by the name Space Invader told reporters he does not agree with the arrest or outing of Banksy’s identity.

“He’s just doing art, spreading joy and making political statements the best way he knows how. That is what he was doing and I hope that is what he’ll continue to do,” Invader said. “For the London Police to setup some 24-hour task force just to catch Banksy is ridiculous. I hope we hear plenty of noise from the good tax-paying citizens of London about this.”

After today’s arrest it is unclear who else will be sought in connection with Banksy’s arrest. CNN spoke with John Hawes who is Banksy’s project manager, Hawes says he is worried that charges could be brought against him as well.

“If they spent this many man-hours and brought this many charges against Banksy, I can’t imagine that he’ll be the only one to go down in all of this,” Hawes said. “All the beauty Paul Horner brought to this world, unfortunately the London Police just see it as vandalism and want to lock him up. It’s such a shame.”



Banksy’s identity was long speculated to be Robin Gunningham, a man born in Bristol, England in 1973. Known for his contempt for the government in labeling graffiti as vandalism, Banksy displays his art on public walls and even goes as far as to build physical prop pieces. He does not sell his work directly; however, art auctioneers have been known to attempt to sell his street art on location and leave the problem of its removal in the hands of the winning bidder.

Police apprehended the famous street artist while in the middle of finishing a piece about a mascot for a Christian organization named Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin.

“I’m just happy to be a part of this whole thing,” Fappy told CNN. “I’m not familiar with this Banksy character, honestly if it’s not in the Bible I probably haven’t heard of it, but if this arrest spreads awareness of the harmful effects of self-rape, then that is a good thing. Hopefully news of this ordeal will bring the much needed attention to the dangers and consequences of playing with your sin stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell. Hopefully, God willing, one day, masturbation will be illegal and people will finally be free of playing on the Devil’s playground. To find out more about finding a cure to this deadly disease, please visit STOP Masturbation NOW.”

Banksy Arrested AKA Paul Horner

Banksy being arrested by London Police this morning. (AR Photo/Dennis System)

Local resident 27-year old Matthew Williams told reporters he was disgusted when he heard news of the arrest.

“What a waste of taxpayers money. Wouldn’t it be better spent fighting the war against drugs or violence ? What harm has this man done except produce beautiful thought provoking artwork? The counterfeit money thing has either been planted or its part if his art and not actual real counterfeit cash.” Williams continued, “This is just another move by the Five-Oh to crush anything good and free. People need to work out what side they’re on and if they’re on the side of beauty and freedom, they need to start fighting back. There are simply not enough heroes like Banksy to do it for you. I hope this blows up in the cops’ faces and the rest of the government as well.”

One Of The More Memorable Quotes By Banksy

“People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you. You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity.

F*ck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.

You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.”

banksy-paul-horner

A black and white image created from the documentary “Exit Through The Gift Shop” along with an autograph from Banksy. (AR Photo/Dennis System)

In 2011, Banksy was a no-show to accept his Oscar for his documentary Exit The Gift Shop, though his artwork was seen all over Hollywood in days leading up to the awards.

As soon as news of the arrest was made, the City of London Police say they began receiving dozens of phone calls from people either claiming to be Banksy, or claiming to be with him. As of 6 PM London time, hundreds of people were gathered outside the London Police Department chanting “I’m Banksy!” and holding signs demanding his release. Various local news stations have reported witnessing the crowd parting for a blind woman who attempted to turn herself into authorities claiming that she was in fact the real Banksy.

Horner was born in Liverpool is a city in Merseyside, England, on the eastern side of the Mersey Estuary. Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of graffiti, public vandalism, criminal mischief, public indecency, resisting arrest, money laundering, criminal conspiracy and racketeering. More charges may follow. Anyone with more information on criminal charges that could be used against Horner, London Police working alongside with the F.B.I. have setup a 24-hour hotline at (785) 273-0325.

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed