Dogs Fed Dennis Rodman In Critical Condition After Poisoning

Dennis Rodman eaten by dogs in North Korea

Dennis Rodman seen here just days before poisoning a pack of wild dogs.

Pyongyang, North Korea — Fifty-four North Korean dogs were hospitalized in critical condition today after becoming violently ill. The hounds were found with unknown toxins in their blood that doctors say are a direct result from eating Dennis Rodman.

At a press conference this afternoon, White House spokesman Paul Horner told reporters he does not agree with the actions taken by Kim Jong Un. “There are so many other ways the North Korean government could have nourished those starving canines. Who knows what kind of horrible things were inside Dennis Rodman. No animal deserves that kind of abuse.”

Knoshon Mootron, a homeless man, told CNN he is saddened by the news. “Just thinking about all the horrific diseases Dennis Rodman could have given those dogs makes me sick to my stomach. Those poor innocent hounds; their only crime was being hungry, frowny face.”

Dennis Rodman fed to dogs in North Korea

President Obama on Twitter after learning of the dogs poisoned by Dennis Rodman.

Horner finished the press conference by addressing the health issues the dogs will now face. “The possible STDs these dogs have is unimaginable. We can only begin to understand the complexity of these mutated organisms that evolved inside Dennis Rodman.”

Fans of Kim Jong Un may remember an incident last month where the dictator got blackout drunk and fed his uncle to over one hundred ravenous dogs.

FUN FACT

Feeding people to dogs gained popularity in 1854 when Allen Montgomery of West Texas fed his neighbor to his three dogs after the neighbor called Montgomery a clay-brained beetle-headed dewberry.

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U.S. Stealth Bombers Dropping Leaflets Over North Korea Warning Of Attack

A South Korean viewing the leaflet drop on North Korea by American B-52 stealth bombers warning of an impending attack

A South Korean viewing the leaflet drop on North Korea by American B-52 stealth bombers warning of an impending attack.

SEOUL, South Korea — South Korean officials are telling the Korean Broadcasting System (KBS) that B-2 stealth bombers are currently dropping leaflets over the city of Pyongyang warning its citizens of an impending attack. At the time of this posting, the U.S. government or its military has not made a statement regarding this late breaking story.

34-year-old Paul Horner who is in Donggang, China on business told CNN that it is possible to see the leaflets being dropped over Pyongyang. “I went up to the roof of my hotel where they have a telescope that allows you to view different parts of North Korea. Right now there are literally thousands of packages being dumped everywhere in Pyongyang. I can’t see the planes, but these packages have parachutes attached to them and then when they get close to the ground they open up or something because suddenly there is just paper everywhere. It’s actually quite an amazing site to see.” Horner continued, “Also, if you ever get a chance to visit over here, I highly recommend it. The girls here are super hot.”

CNN has obtained a copy of the leaflet that the B-2 stealth bombers are currently dropping on the city of Pyongyang:

Leaflets warning North Korea of impending attack

Leaflet warning North Korea of an impending attack.

Translated into English:

ATTENTION NORTH KOREAN PEOPLE. EVACUATE PYONGYANG NOW!
Read this carefully as it may save your life or the life of a relative or friend. In the next few days, the city of Pyongyang and its surrounding military bases will be destroyed. Unfortunately, bombs have no eyes. So, in accordance with America’s humanitarian policies, the United States Air Force, which does not wish to injure innocent people, now gives you warning to evacuate Pyongyang and save your life.

Your military leaders have refused to quite their threats of a nuclear war against South Korea. Kim Jung-Un has been warned multiple times to end his rhetoric of nonsense and pull back his military forces but refuses. The actions of this insane, immature, reckless, evil dictator will no longer be accepted by the U.S. and the rest of the world. This aggression will not stand, man.


The American people and the rest of the world truly feel for you innocent people who are being held against your will. Hopefully by destroying Kim Jung-Un and most of the military your country can start fresh. This attack will give your people the ability to rise up and claim your country as your own. You will no longer have to fear the prison camps and being tortured for speaking out against your ruthless leaders. You will never have to listen to the propaganda and lies that your government tells you on a daily basis. You will be free to own your own business and make your own money. You will be free to disrespect your leaders if you do not agree with them without fear of being tortured and your family imprisoned. You will no longer be shut off from the rest of the world. Unfortunately though, all of this is up to you. America and it’s allies will be sending NO ground forces to North Korea. The only attacks will be bombs dropped from overhead, just like this leaflet that has come into your possession. America is not fighting the North Korean people but is fighting the military clique which has enslaved your people. Hopefully after this is over, a new, better and free North Korea will emerge. You can restore peace by demanding new and good leaders. It is your country. This is your time to rise up and take what is yours. Every one in the world wishes you nothing but the best. EVACUATE PYONGYANG NOW!

At this time the only information known is that the leaflets are just being released over Pyongyang. The Korean Broadcasting System is saying the amount of leaflets being dumped number in the millions.

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