Documentary By Michael Moore Called “Fappy” Scheduled For Release In December

Michael Moore talking to reporters about his upcoming documentary “Fappy”.

Hollywood, CA — Controversial filmmaker Michael Moore held a press conference to announce his new upcoming documentary that is being released in December simply titled “Fappy”.

Moore talked with reporters and explained briefly what the documentary is about. “The story follows a religious anti-masturbation organization who travels around the country preaching to school children about the harmful effects of masturbation,” Moore said. “They have a mascot who dresses in a dolphin costume that goes by the name of Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. Fappy® along with his assistants visit various elementary schools nationwide talking to children about living a masturbation-free lifestyle. Along the way many interesting situations arise; everything from the group being banned in the state of California to Fappy® getting arrested for public masturbation.” Moore continued, “Besides all of the problems that occur, the characters are real and loving. You begin to root for this organization that you want so badly to fail.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now told CNN he is excited about Moore’s documentary. “We’re just thrilled to have Michael Moore making a movie about what we do day in and day out. Hopefully it will bring more attention to our cause,” Childs said. “Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. What our organization does is designed to help make children and parents aware of the dangers of masturbation in and outside of the home.” Childs continued, “God willing, one day masturbation will be illegal.”

64-year old Paul Horner who is a teacher at Pansy Kidd Middle School in Poteau, Oklahoma told reporters about their experience with Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin when they visited the school back in March. “The kids just love him,” Horner said. “Fappy® makes the kids laugh and educates them at the same time. He also is quite the tickle monster and the children just love wrestling with him. We can’t wait for Fappy® to come back and visit us again!”

“Fappy” will open December 5th in a limited number of theaters and is scheduled for a nationwide release on December 19th. For more information visit fappythemovie.com.

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Disney Announces Plans For 26,000 Star Wars Movies In The Next 5 Years

Darth Vader and Disney have teamed up

Seen here is a promotional photo for Disney’s ‘Darth Vader Heads West’, scheduled for release next week.

Hollywood, CA — Fanboys around the world are celebrating as Disney has just announced plans for an additional 26,000 Star Wars movies to be released in the next 5 years. This news comes just months after Disney acquired George LucasLucasfilm Ltd. which  includes the rights to the entire Star Wars franchise.

Paul Horner who is Chairman & CEO of Disney said these are exciting times for the company. “No matter if you’re 9 or 90 years old, we have a Star Wars movie coming out just for you. Even if you don’t like Star Wars, we have a movie for that too!”

“There’s probably 100 or so of these new Star Wars movies I would like to see, but definitely not the other 25,900,” says Lucasfilm’s head animator Kyle Brock. “The problem happened when some executive over at Disney that goes by just the name ‘Paul‘, like Seal or some bullsh*t like that, heard a rumor that he wasn’t supposed to tell anybody about, but he did anyway. Now he’s trying to make up for his mistake by releasing all these thousands of crap Star Wars movies,” Brock said. “He still deserves a beat-down in my opinion because the damage has already been done. I mean, Hakuna Matata now means, may the Force be with you. What the f*ck is that all about?”

Before ending the press conference, Horner left a list of the next 6 Star Wars films coming to theaters or DVD this week:

  • Yoda & Shrek’s Great Adventure
    Yoda is Shrek’s great grandfather and attempts to show Skrek the ways of the Force while at the same time getting into wacky adventures.
  • Pinocchio: Lightsaber Of Death
    Pinocchio’s nose becomes a lightsaber and has to fight off members of the dark side.
  • Lady and the Tramp in Space
    Han Solo and Princess Leia share a meatball and get romantically involved as they fight off evil villains in different parts of the galaxy.
  • Mickey Mouse & Luke Skywalker’s Day Off
    Mickey Mouse and Luke Skywalker sit around a kitchen table, drinking tea, talking about current events and different women that they have been with throughout their lives.
  • C-3PO and Wall-E Forever
    C-3PO and Wall-E are gay lovers who live together in a one bedroom apartment in the redneck town of DeQuincy, Louisiana. It is a touching story about two gay robots and their struggles with society to accept them for who they are.
  • Jedi Computer Skills
    A 3 hour long documentary about turning off your computer, leaving your parents basement and talking to the opposite sex, just like a real Jedi would do.

Brock told reporters he does not approve of Disney’s buyout of Lucasfilm. “Disney is the definition of corporate greed, who are making as many Star Wars movies as possible, just because they can and they know they will make money, regardless if it tarnishes the Star Wars brand forever,” Brock said. “And what happens after five years when the first 26,000 movies are released, are they just going to make another 26,000 movies? It’s just not cool George Lucas, it’s not cool at all.”

In order to make all 26,000 movies in 5 years Disney will be releasing a little over 14 films per day on average. The stock and cash transaction of Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm totaled an estimated $4.05 billion. The deal was approved in October of last year by the Disney Board of Directors and Lucas, the sole Lucasfilm shareholder.

Bill Murray Signs On For Ghostbusters 3

Bill Murray signed on for Ghostbusters 3Hollywood, CA — Ghostbuster’s fans around the world are celebrating as it has just been confirmed by Hollywood.com that Bill Murray has signed on to do Ghostbusters 3.

For years it has been unclear whether Murray would be joining the rest of the cast, which includes Harold Ramis as Dr. Egon Spengler and Dan Aykroyd as Dr. Raymond Stantz, or even if the movie would ever be made at all. In September on the red carpet at “Hyde Park on Hudson” Bill Murray admitted there was another Ghostbuster’s script in the works and that he was considering it.

Ramis told reporters how he had received word that Murray was agreeing to the project. “Yeah, it was kind of crazy,” Ramis said. “Just out of nowhere, I get a phone call from Bill at almost three in the morning on Thursday and he simply said, ‘Yeah, ok, I’m in’. That’s Bill Murray for you. Surprising and straight to the point.” Ramis continued, “Bill also said a major factor in his decision to do the movie had been all the support he received from fans during his 29 city ‘Party Crashing Tour‘ earlier this year.”

26-year-old Kaiser Solzie attended one of the parties that Murray appeared at during the tour. “In Austin I actually got to talk with him for a few minutes, what a cool guy,” Solzie says. “I said Ghostbusters 3 wouldn’t be the same without you. He told me if he did decide to do it, I could have a role in the movie.” Solzie laughs, “Now that Bill is doing the movie I sure hope he doesn’t forget what he said to me.”


Paul Horner who is one of the co-writers that assisted Etan Cohen in writing the script had heard that Murray could possibly be a part of the third movie. “Word through the grapevine was that Murray enjoyed reading our script that was passed along to him a few months ago. As for if he was going to be a part of it, well that was the million-dollar question,” Horner said. “The writers, the cast, the fans… everyone is truly excited for this to have finally all come together.”

Ivan Reitman, who directed Ghostbusters 1 & 2, will return once again to direct this highly anticipated film. Returning stars from the original movie are Sigourney Weaver as Dana Barrett and it’s said Rick Moranis could come out of retirement to perform as Louis Tully. Possible new faces for the project are Ashton Kutcher, Seth Rogen and Vincent Kartheiser.

Shooting for Ghostbusters 3 is said to begin in the fall of 2013, but now with Murray on board, filming for the movie could start as soon as February of next year.