Small Town In Louisiana Bans Koreans

Town bans Koreans

Mayor Maynard Wilkens and Sheriff Bobby Joe Williams explained the new law that bans Koreans from the town of DeQuincy.

DeQuincy, LA — With all the current tensions overseas right now a small town in Louisiana has taken matters into their own hands. They have begun removing all Koreans currently living in the town and have prevented any new Koreans from entering.

Maynard Wilkens who is the Mayor of DeQuincy spoke to reporters today and explained the ban that takes effect at midnight tonight. “I don’t care if they’re South Korean or North Korean, I know they are somehow working together. The rest of the country can keep their heads in the sand if they want, but DeQuincy is doing something about it.” Mayor Wilkens continued, “Those Gangnam Style, slanted-eye freaks, can take their nukes somewhere else because they don’t belong here in DeQuincy, that’s for damn sure.”

Bobby Joe Williams who is the sheriff in the town said he will not tolerate any Koreans in the city any longer. “Even if they just look Korean, they are banned from entering our town. If they try and resist they will either be locked up or shot on sight. I don’t know the difference between a China man from some Japanese guy, and I don’t care to know. All I know is they all gotta go, and when they’re gone, they stay gone, or they be gone.”

34-year-old Paul Horner who has been a resident of DeQuincy for the past 20 years spoke to reporters briefly about his Korean mail-order bride that he purchased 5-years ago. “My wife Hyori is the prettiest little thing you’d ever lay your eyes on and I love her to death, but right now, I don’t trust her. With everything that is going on, how do I know she isn’t some secret agent that was sent over here to blow up our town?” Horner continued, “And she’s real sneaky too. She’s always sneaking around, trying to get out of the basement even when I have the door locked. She probably even knows those terrorists who did the Boston marathon bombings. But don’t you worry about that, I’ve been waterboarding her day and night. I will get information from her. Our country’s freedom depends on it.”

The town of DeQuincy has a population of 3,398 as of the 2000 census. DeQuincy is part of the Lake Charles Metropolitan Statistical Area. So far state officials in Louisiana have yet to make a formal statement concerning the ban. Any questions or comments about the ban can be referred to a 24-hour hotline the city has set up at (785) 273-0325.


Small Town In Louisiana Arming Its Students & Staff With Hand Guns

School arming it's kids with guns

Meagan Greenfield, a 5th grade student at DeQuincy Elementary School, is seen here checking her assigned Glock pistol to make sure it is fully loaded and working properly.

DeQuincy, LA — A small town in Louisiana is taking matters into their own hands when it comes to the controversial topic of gun control. They are arming all of their students, K-12, and staff members with hand guns. The three different schools in the town will also have armed guards with semi-automatic rifles stationed at every entrance.

Paul Horner who is the Superintendent for the school district in DeQuincy spoke with reporters this afternoon to explain the new gun policies. “We won’t let a tragedy like Sandy Hook happen in DeQuincy,” said Horner. “We understand it’s a big step putting guns in the hands of school children but drastic times call for drastic measures.”

Chief spokesman for the NRA in Louisiana Bill Hanson believes it is great what the town of DeQuincy is doing. “This is a great step in the right direction. The town of DeQuincy is the first city in the country to join our new ‘Kids With Guns’ program,” Hanson said. “No one in their right mind would think of shooting up a school filled with 500 kids and teachers armed to the teeth with semi-automatic weapons. Hopefully more schools will follow DeQuincy’s lead on this.” Hanson continued, “If you had guns in the hands of every child and teacher in the United States, school shootings would be a thing of the past, something you would just read about in the history books.”

3rd grade student Brandon Adams said he loves his new gun. “It’s so awesome, I look like James Bond now” Adams said. “I dare any of the bullies in the school to pick on me now. They try and disrespect again and it’s game over son.”

Every student and staff member in DeQuincy will be required to carry on their persons at all time a fully loaded Glock pistol. The children and staff members are also obligated to take a 40 hour class on how to fire a handgun safely and correctly. Staff members told reporters the children will not be allowed to take the weapons home with them and the guns will be locked up every night so no accidents can occur. For more information or how to get your school district enrolled in the ‘Kids With Guns’ program, please call (785) 273-0325.

New Law Allows Pregnant Women To Use Carpool Lane In Louisiana

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal held a press conference today to announce new carpool laws for pregnant woman.Dequincy, LA — The Governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal held a press conference today to announce new carpool laws for pregnant women that take effect beginning December 1st, 2012. Pregnant women, driving alone, now legally count as two people and will have full access to all carpool and HOV lanes.

Jindal explained the groundbreaking new law to reporters. “Women that are pregnant will now legally be able to drive in any carpool or HOV lane in Louisiana,” Jindal said. “That fetus in the woman is a human being so it counts as two people in the car. We encourage other states to follow our example.”

Louisiana has the strictest rules in the country against abortion, according to NARAL. Ninety-two percent of Louisiana counties currently don’t have an abortion provider. State health officials are allowed to suspend the license of outpatient abortion facilities for as little as one violation. Louisiana law subjects women seeking abortion services to biased-counseling requirements and mandatory delays.

Long time resident Brandon Adams from Dequincy told reporters that he doesn’t agree with the new law. “I always drive in the carpool lane if I’m alone or with a buddy,” Adams said. “It’s a lot tougher to drive in the normal lanes when you’ve been drinking and now I’m going to have to deal with all these preggos that shouldn’t even be driving in the first place.” Adams continued, “Why do they let women drive anyway? They can’t make sandwiches very easily while driving.”

Paul Horner who is pro-life and a political adviser for Jindal says he fully agrees with the new law. “Pregnant women caught driving outside of the HOV or carpool lane will be subjected to a $500 fine. Women that go against our loving god’s wishes and decide to abort their human passenger living inside of them will face much more severe consequences.” Horner continued, “At the state level, they will have their driver’s license suspended for one full year. At the ‘defying-god-soulless level’, they will bathe in a pit of hell fire for eternity.”

  • For more information please contact the 24 Hour Louisiana HOV Pregnant Hotline: (785) 273-0325