Monsanto Funds Anti-Masturbation Organization

The Monsanto Company has begun funding anti-masturbation organizations such as Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin (seen here) and STOP Masturbation NOW

The Monsanto Company has begun funding an anti-masturbation organization which includes programs such as Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW.

Creve Coeur, MO — The Monsanto Company held a press conference today to announce their funding of an anti-masturbation organization who recently lost federally funding and was shut down by the FBI. This controversial move comes just days after the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) was taken over by Monsanto.

Dave Myers who is administrator and spokesman for Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin said he is thrilled to have the Monsanto Company supporting their cause. “Things got a little crazy there for a few days when the F.B.I., the U.S. government and Facebook shut us down. Fortunately Monsanto saw the importance of what we were doing and saved the day,” Myers said. “Now we are back online and stronger than ever.”

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for Monsanto explained the reason behind their controversial decision. “We are proud to be the new sponsors of an organization that supports living a masturbation-free lifestyle. The kids love Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and we figure this will be a great way to improve our reputation and inform the public of all the good that we are doing.” Horner continued, “Now that we are in charge of the USDA we can pretty much do whatever we want. And we want to provide healthy food to every person in world and also put an end to masturbation once and for all.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now said he is excited about joining forces with Monsanto. “Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape,” Childs told reporters. “It leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease.” Childs continued, “God willing, one day masturbation will be illegal and everyone will be eating things created by Monsanto.”

Tommy Kelly from Waterbury, CT says he loves the food produced by Monsanto. “The lobster potatoes and halibut tomatoes are probably my favorite,” Kelly said. “Also, masturbation in this country is at an all-time high and needs to stop. I hope one day Monsanto can genetically modify arms to make them shorter. This will stop masturbation for good.”

Monsanto has also suggested we bring Frankie the Fruit Bat® with us along on our new and improved nationwide tour starting on May 21st.

Monsanto has suggested Frankie the Fruit Bat® as an additional mascot to join Fappy® on the anti-masturbation tour that begins May 21st.

NBC News spoke with Daniel Ballado who has worked with Monsato for 9 months. “I work in their department for testing new chemicals. I smell each one and then Monsanto staff members in hazmat suits check to see what, if any, side effects occur.” Ballado said. “Working for a multi-billion dollar company and no high school education I can’t just start working in their GMO department for animals. I have to start off at the bottom and work my way up.” Ballado continued, “I figure after this chemical testing, I’ll probably be washing lettuce. Soon after that I’ll be on fries, then the grill. In a year or two, I’ll be assistant manager… and that’s when the big bucks start rollin’ in.”

Though not everyone is a fan of Monsanto. Shilda Vafaei who heads up the Twin Cities March Against Monsanto says Monsanto feeds the world’s less educated. “Monsanto is responsible for some really super things, namely super weeds, super bugs, autism, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer. Either mankind will stop Monsanto or Monsanto will stop mankind. You control the food supply, and you control the people,” Vafaei told reporters. “Monsanto is not even required to put labels on their food stating that it has been genetically altered. Instead they can legally call it ‘organic’ and they do that all the time. They destroy food and now they have a dolphin going around the country talking to elementary school children about the dangerous consequences of masturbation and the benefits of genetically modified foods. It is completely insane.” Vafaei continued, “If you’re cool with a company that produces food that will kill you and also heads up the USDA, then you are either a Washington lobbyist or you work for the Obama Administration.”

Critics are urging individuals to demand an investigation into Monsanto’s takeover of the USDA and join the Nation of Change and organizations around the world in a March Against Monsanto on May 25.

Monsanto tweet about funding an anti-masturbation organization

Monsanto’s Tweet about funding an anti-masturbation organization.

According to CNN, Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW have announced a 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation and the benefits of genetically modified foods.

The Monsanto Company is a publicly traded agricultural biotechnology corporation headquartered in Creve Coeur, Missouri. It is a leading producer of genetically engineered food and of the herbicide which it markets under the name ‘Roundup’.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are programs designed to teach children and adults about the dangers of masturbation. For a complete list of dates and locations of this nationwide tour, click here. For more information or if you would like Fappy® to visit your child’s school please call the 24-hour Monsanto Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Nationwide School Tour Hotline.

  • Fappy® Nationwide Monsanto School Tour Hotline: (785) 273-0325

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Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin needs your help and support in ending masturbation and educating children about the benefits of genetically modified foods! Get your very own OFFICIAL Fappy® merchandise here!

Deep Thoughts by Paul Horner

Deep Thoughts by Paul Horner

This is a tribute to the comic genius Jack Handey, whose real name was actually Jack Handey.

  • I opened up a fortune cookie recently that said to treat others how you would want to be treated. So now I walk around giving hand jobs to everyone I meet.
  • Hostage negotiators really get on my nerves. They’re always asking me what I want, trying to calm me down, asking annoying questions about my hostages, but in the back off my mind I know they’re not really my friend. They are just using me for my hostages.
  • Sometimes I wish I was BFFs with Suge Knight. We would go to the movies together, ride on the roller coasters and share our deepest secrets. But even with all that fun happening, I would always be worried about him killing me at any moment.
  • What if Jesus didn’t really die for our sins? What if he died because he was nailed to a cross?
  • Sometimes I’m frustrated when crimes go unsolved. What if it was the dogs who let themselves out?
  • Some people like to make it rain at the strip club. I’m on a budget though so I can’t do that. Instead I throw nickles on the stage. I call it making it hail.
  • Drinking five 5-hour energy drinks will give you 25 hours of energy, and since there is only 24 hours in a day, you will die.
  • I know that things are changing and I’m getting older. I notice some of my friends are starting to have kids on purpose.
  • My friend Dave came over the other day and I made us a pizza. He asked me if this was delivery and I asked him if he was fucking stupid.
  • I wish I had a friend that did a lot of acid every day and always liked to explain how hard he was tripping balls. It would be even better if for a profession he was a fireman. He might not save any lives or even put out one fire, but it would be really funny.
  • For April Fool’s Day I told my parents that I was gay. They then told me how happy they were and that they had always suspected it. Then I said, “Ha, ha, ha, just joking, April Fools!” It was the worst April Fool’s Day ever.
  • What if the boys were already on their way to the yard and the milkshakes had nothing to do with it?
  • I like giving girls orgasms. I don’t like it when they spit it out though.

[Updated 04-23-13] I did standup comedy with this material. I think it went alright. I hope you enjoy it!

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin & SMN Banned In California

Evergreen Elementary School in Los Angeles

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students at Evergreen Elementary School in Los Angeles.

This morning California lawmakers voted in favor of permanently banning the organization known as STOP Masturbating NOW (SMN). This means that the organization, their current employees and even their mascot who goes by the name of Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin can no longer ‘legally’ enter the state or promote their message there again.

Nancy Pelosi who represents California’s 12th congressional district told reporters the ban was an obvious decision that needed to happen immediately. “Their organization’s mascot, Fappy®, was going around different elementary schools in the state spreading complete and utter lies. While he was here in San Francisco this month he collected thousands of signatures from children as young as 5-years-old promising to never masturbate,” Pelosi said. “Dave Myers who is a spokesman for their organization was going on different radio shows presenting ridiculous lies as fact. He claimed that while Fappy® was in San Francisco he single-handily lowered the amount of “masturbators” and “the gays” by over 80%. The judgement that was passed down today was a no-brainer.”

Officer Erich Sean with the The San Francisco Police Department said he was amazed with the amount of problems the organization caused in such a short period of time. “Just a week ago their mascot, Paul Horner, was arrested in Portland for public masturbation. While in San Francisco he was walking around the city, harassing citizens and scaring the children,” Sean said. “This group is hypocritical and just a huge scam masquerading as some sort of public service. They are just pure evil and I’m glad we won’t ever be seeing them again.”

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation in affiliation with SMN told reporters they plan to repeal the ban. “This ruling won’t hold up and we’ll be back in California again soon, I can promise you that,” Myers said. “We are a Federally Funded Organization. The state might ban us, but federal laws always trump state law, so there’s your answer right there. Those California senators that voted in favor of this ban can go f*ck themselves.”

Mitch Hedberg with the San Francisco Examiner explained in his article this morning that he approves of the ban. “I used to masturbate. I still do, but I used to, too.”

Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For a complete list of dates and locations of this nationwide tour, click here. For more information or if you would like your school to participate, please call the 24-hour Anti-Masturbation Tour Hotline at (785) 273-0325.

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Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin on FacebookFappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin needs your help and support in ending masturbation! Get your very own Fappy® merchandise here!

Disney Announces Details Of Star Wars: Episode VII

Jar Jar Binks returns for Star Wars: Episode VII

Jar Jar Binks will return in the highly anticipated Star Wars: Episode VII

Hollywood, CA — Disney held a press conference today to give some insight into what fans can expect from Episode VII of the upcoming Star Wars sequel trilogy.

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for Disney talked briefly with reporters this morning to explain what lies in store for fans. “I can’t go into much detail but I did want to quickly go over some of the main plot points for Episode VII,” Horner said. “As you may remember Jar Jar Binks first appears in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace as a bumbling yet lovable Gungan from the planet Naboo. He was banished by his tribe because of his clumsiness.” Horner continued, “Episode VII will be a prequel that revolves around Jar Jar Binks and his life on Naboo before his banishment. We’ll be able to see all the crazy antics and wild adventures that he got into. Then the movie will end where Episode I picks up with Qui-Gon and his padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi persuading Jar Jar’s tribe to release him into their custody as a guide.”

Kyle Brock said he is excited to hear that Episode VII will focus around the story and history of Jar Jar Binks. “He’s the funniest, most lovable character in all of the Star Wars episodes combined,” Brock said. “Some people didn’t care for Jar Jar Binks in Episodes I through Episode III, but the internet extends outside of their opinion,” Brock continued, “You know why George Lucas made Jar Jar Binks? Because no one was there to tell him it sucked and if they did he didn’t listen. Ideas are not babies, you don’t need to nurture each one. They’re like your breath, sometimes it stinks but your nose is too close to the problem to have the perspective it needs. Disney, just like Lucas, is not listening to the naysayers once again and because of that, Episode VII will be the best Star Wars Episode so far. I can’t wait!”

Horner ended the press conference explaining to reporters that fans can expect more laughs and shenanigan from Jar Jar Binks than ever before. “We have better technology now, so the animation of Jar Jar will be amazing. Expect new hilarious quotes from Jar Jar and we’re even bringing back some of his classic lines such as, ‘Yipe! How wude!’, and who could forget, ‘Ooh mooey mooey I love you!’. Star Wars fans are in for a real treat in 2015.”

Star Wars: Episode VII is an upcoming movie from Lucasfilm Ltd. scheduled to be released by Walt Disney Pictures in July of 2015.

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Woman Kills Five People For Not Accepting Her Friend Requests On Facebook

Woman kills five for not accepting her friend requests on Facebook

Lashawndra Harris killed five people when they did not accept her friend request on Facebook.

DeQuincy, LA — Lashawndra Harris from DeQuincy, Louisiana was arrested and charged today in connection with five murders. Harris had been dubbed by police as the ‘Facebook Friend Request Killer’ because at the scene of every murder a card was left on the victim’s body that showed the Facebook logo along with the section of the site where you can accept or deny an individual’s friend request.

Detective Paul Horner with the DeQuincy Police Department explained how Harris was finally apprehended. “She is probably the worst serial killer in the history of serial killers. At every murder scene she would leave a ‘calling card’ on the bodies with scribbled words written on each one such as, ‘Maybe next time you’ll be my friend on Facebook motherf*cker’, or ‘Who’s got more friends on Facebook now b*tch!’,” Horner said. “All of the people that were murdered lived in the same apartment building or were people that knew Harris personally. We then found a Facebook account belonging to Ms. Harris. In her ‘about’ section she specifically wrote the words, ‘If you don’t accept my friend request I will kill you’,” Horner continued, “She also said in her profile, ‘If we’re friends on Facebook, we cool. If you don’t want to be friends with me on Facebook, we have a problem’. So yeah, we knew we had the right person.”


Leron Jenkins who was a neighbor of Harris said he was approached by her just days before the arrest. “I didn’t like her, she was scary. She told me that if I didn’t accept her friend request on Facebook she would literally cut my balls off. So, long story short, I accepted her friend request.”

“When we raided her house today we found Ms. Harris at her computer on Facebook sending out more friend requests,” Horner said. “It’s a good thing we caught her before more people could deny her friend request.”

If anyone has any information about Lashawndra Harris police are urging you to call (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

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Not Lashawndra Harris but actually a Michelle Allen

Not Lashawndra Harris but actually a mugshot of Michelle Allen.

[Updated at 03-17-13 | 8:05 PM PDT] The Super Official Action News Team has just received word that the woman in the above mugshot is not Lashawndra Harris but actually a Michelle Allen.

At Super Official News we pride ourselves on the integrity and quality of our journalistic reporting. We sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding this may have caused. As of this moment we are still trying to locate the actual mugshot of Lashawndra Harris.

As for Michelle Allen, Ohio Police say she had threatened police and urinated on a neighbor’s front porch.

Police say Allen was arrested for causing traffic problems, chasing kids in her neighborhood and not complying with police when they told her to return home. The police report stated officials could smell alcohol on her breath and her words were slurred.

Allen pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and was sentenced to a month in jail.

Major Mark Hoffman, with Middletown, Ohio Police says while Allen was in court, she challenged people to “suck her udders.” No information has been released as to why she was wearing the cow costume.

Allen has been arrested over 50 times on charges ranging from theft to prostitution.

SOURCE

Lindsay Lohan’s British Identical Twin Living A Wonderful Life In London

Lindsay Lohan's identical twin Lydia Lohan is alive and well according to a news report from the BBC. As you may or may not remember, Lydia Lohan starred with her sister Lindsay in the 1998 movie 'The Parent Trap'.

Lindsay Lohan seen here with her identical twin Lydia Lohan in a picture taken from 1998.

London, England — Lindsay Lohan’s identical twin Lydia Lohan Cahill is alive and well according to a news report from the BBC. As you may or may not remember, Lindsay starred with her sister Lydia in the 1998 movie ‘The Parent Trap’.

“My sister is quite the wanker and embarrassment to the family,” said Lydia. “I always read and hear stories about her in the states and I just shake my head in udder amazement.  I did learn a lot from her though, and that’s why I’ve never smoked, drank alcohol or used illegal drugs.”

Lydia told the reporter from the BBC her life could not be any better. “I have two beautiful daughters named Matilda and Gwendolyn. My loving husband Gary Cahill plays for Chelsea F.C. and we have been married for 8 wonderful years. I am vice president of the Barclays Bank in London and I love what I do. We have a house in the center of town that I just fancy. Besides Lindsay being such an arse, things couldn’t be any better for us.”


Lydia said that Disney has contacted her several times with talks of a possible new Parent Trap movie. “I’ve told them I would be interested, but only if Lindsay would get her arse about face.”

The Parent Trap was a 1998 Disney film about identical twins, separated at birth and each raised by one of their biological parents. They discover each other for the first time at summer camp and make a plan to bring their wayward parents back together.

2,452 Party Fouls Earns Man Spot In The Guinness Book of World Records

Paul Horner from Scottsdale Arizona

Paul Horner seen here committed enough party fouls last November to earn him a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Scottsdale, AZ — In one evening last November a Scottsdale man committed so many party fouls that it earned him a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. The party where this feat occurred was at the Lancaster mansion party in Scottsdale, Arizona. It is a party which is thrown yearly for the elite of the elite in the area, and every year 34-year-old Paul Horner is invited for some reason.

“I don’t know why we keep inviting Mr. Horner back to our parties every year. We realize we’re just asking for trouble, but the guests seem to love him and he keeps them extremely entertained,” said 54-year-old Winston Lancaster III, who is the owner of the mansion where this exclusive party is held every year.

Elizabeth Lancaster told reporters that guests are forewarned of Horner’s attendance at the party. “Every year we warn people that Horner will be attending and of his previous actions,” Lancaster said. “What can I say, he’s a big hit. People love his antics. Some people just follow him around all night to see what crazy shenanigans he’ll do next.”

The following is a list of carefully documented events from the evening in question that earned Horner the top spot in The Guinness Book of World Records for most party fouls committed in one 24-hour period.

  • Announced to the crowd that the punch bowl had been spiked with Aids
  • Challenged 24 people to a fight, then tried hugging them the rest of the night
  • Broke 4 flat screen televisions with his head and fists
  • Put on a dress with no underwear, along with a lampshade on his head and started flirting with everyone in attendance, demanding that they give him their number or “face the consequences”
  • Puked all over the bartender, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the pool, in four separate bedrooms while making no attempt to clean up the mess or make it to the bathroom
  • Ordered 5 prostitutes with Mr. Lancaster’s Visa card without his permission
  • Took a sledge hammer to 3 different ice sculptures completely destroying them
  • Took off his pants and peed into 4 different punch bowls filled with alcohol
  • Started a toast announcing to the crowd how happy he was to be there, then instead of saying anything he just started smoking crack
  • Set fire to the guest house
  • Threw human feces at women that declined his invitation to dance or refused to give him their phone number
  • Lost both shoes, then stole a new pair from a blind man
  • Fell down the stairs 14 times
  • Pulled a knife on a 5-year-old
  • Walked into four different glass doors, shattering two of them
  • Spilled full cups of beer on 17 different people
  • Pushed 11 guests into the pool
  • Did the Macarena for 2 hours straight while singing Nickelback songs out loud through a megaphone as a DJ for the party played other genres of music that were not related to the Macarena or any songs performed by Nickelback
  • Fell into a pyramid of 1,000 bottles of Dom Perignon stacked on top of each other worth an estimated $200,000. Every bottle was broken and Horner was dripping blood from head to toe but refused medical treatment. He instead started throwing the broken shards of glass at guests while wiping his blood on furniture and the family dog.
  • Horner texted all 575 people on his phone, male and female, that he was DTF
  • Put rat poison in a dish of potato salad
  • Spat on 27 people
  • Engaged in sexual activities with 5 prostitutes in the master bedroom
  • Consumed 16 pills of xanax while smoking PCP, then started running around the party naked yelling something about an agency of the  government being after him
  • Horner left the party with the owner’s Porsche and their 16-year-old daughter Annabell Williamsburg telling onlookers to “suck my balls” and that he was headed for Mexico. Horner or Annabell have not been seen or heard from since the incident.

Horner was the previous World Record holder for most party fouls in a 24-hour-period but he topped last year’s accomplishments by an extra 4 spilled drinks and instead of two broken flat screens, this year it was four, plus a lot more human feces was thrown.

“We just love Horner attending our parties,” said Mrs. Lancaster. “He provides our guests with so much entertainment. We can’t wait to see what Horner has in store for our party next year! We just hope he returns our daughter Annabell and the Porsche as soon as possible, we would really appreciate that.”

If you have any information about Horner’s whereabouts or the Lancaster’s 16-year-old daughter please contact (785) 273-0325. A $100,000 reward is currently being offered and as always you can remain anonymous.

Man’s New Year’s Resolution Is To Get Clean After Becoming A Drug Addict Last Week

Paul Horner

Paul Horner seen in this picture before he started abusing drugs so he could have a New Year’s resolution to stop using drugs.

Concord, NH — A Concord man is celebrating New Year’s Eve a little different this year, he finally has a New Year’s resolution. “I’ve never had a cool New Year’s resolution. It’s always been something lame like, lose a couple pounds or finally finish a crossword puzzle,” says 34-year-old Paul Horner. “I’ve never smoked cigarettes, I’m not a thief, I don’t beat my wife or anything cool like that so I can’t give any of that up.” Horner continued, “Well this New Years I wanted to really make it count. So I a made a promise to myself to stop using drugs and finally get clean, but first I had to start using drugs.”

Approximately six days ago, Horner started using heroin, crystal meth, cocaine and PCP. “In this last week of being addicted to drugs, my whole life has been turned upside down. My family and friends won’t talk to me. I’ve contracted HIV. I’ve been arrested 8 times. I’ve even been forced to turn tricks on the street to pay for my addiction,” Horner said. “If I had to choose a drug of choice right now, I’d probably say anything you put in front of me. But if I had to pick just one, it’s definitely huffing gold Krylon out of a sock. I’m going to be sad when I finally have to give that up.”

“I really wish Paul the best in getting clean,” says his mother Janet Horner. “These last 6 days that he’s been a drug addict has been a nightmare for our whole family. He’s pawned all my jewelery, stole my purse – twice. He held my husband and I at gun point until we told him our PIN numbers and then he went and emptied out our bank accounts of more than $50,000. I can’t wait until he fulfills his New Year’s resolution.”

“I never used drugs until last week, but I’m getting pretty good at doing them. I think I’m going to really miss this lifestyle once I get clean,” Horner said. “I’ve told my parents I’m checking into rehab January 1st, 2013 and they wish me the best. Hopefully I can finally beat this evil disease once and for all.”

Local Man Stops Robbery By Quoting Pulp Fiction

Paul HornerJonestown, AZ — A local man is a hero today after he single-handedly stopped a couple who were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day according to restaurant manager Ted Barkins. “He just started quoting movie lines from Pulp Fiction. The robbers kind of went berserk and then they just left.” Local hero, Paul Horner, who thwarted the would-be robbers said, “It was really lucky that I had my wallet with me that said ‘bad motherf*cker’ on it. The robbers came around demanding everybody’s wallet and I just held it up, you know like how Samuel L. Jackson did in Pulp Fiction.”

Longtime diner Susan Litchfield said it was a pretty tense moment. “The robbers asked Mr. Horner what was in his hand. He told them it was his wallet that said ‘bad motherf*cker’ on it. I’ve never seen the movie so I didn’t know what he was talking about. I just thought he was some crazy white guy with a death wish.”

“After I said the comment about my wallet the robbers started freaking out. So then in my best tough black guy voice I said to them: Normally, both your asses would be dead as f*cking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you,” Horner said. “Then the robbers looked at each other and then just ran out of the restaurant. I knew my vast knowledge of Pulp Fiction would pay off for me one day.”


Barkins said he was concerned about the health of Mr. Horner after the robbers had left and everyone at the restaurant was waiting for police to arrive. “It seemed like Mr. Horner’s brain had temporarily snapped. I asked him if he was ok and he shouted, ‘Shut the f*ck up fat man! This ain’t none of your go*damn business’. Then I apologized and told him that I think the cops are on their way to which he responded, ‘I don’t wanna hear about no motherf*ckin’ ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, you ain’t got no problem, Paul. I’m on the motherf*cker. Go back in there, chill them n*ggas out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly’. Then he started asking me questions about our food menu. He asked me about our hamburgers and if I knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? It was really weird, but hey, he’s a hero I guess.”

“In every other parallel universe this man would be shot and killed but not here in Jonestown,” Officer Miller from the Jonestown Police Department said. “It’s fortunate that this small town has a person like Mr. Horner living in it. If he hadn’t had so much free time on his hands he never would have been able to quote so many lines from Pulp Fiction. Down time is the real hero here today.”

The robbers are described as a white male and female aged 35-45. Any information please contact the Jonestown Police Department at (785) 273-0325. As always, you can remain anonymous.

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“Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet.”
“Which one is it?”
“It’s the one that says bad mother f*cker.”

The 10 Funniest Autocorrects Of 2012

Top 10 funniest autocorrects of 2012

The celebration has just begun in Switzerland as the three Elders announced the top 10 funniest autocorrects of 2012 earlier today.

Zug, Switzerland — Every year fans of funny images on the internet around the world wait in high anticipation for the three elders in Switzerland to announce the top 10 funniest autocorrects of the year and just like every year for the past twenty years they did not disappoint.

At noon today the elders hung a yellow banner outside the top window of their golden villa in Switzerland letting the thousands of cheering people in the crowd know that they had finally made a decision.

Paul Horner who was outside the golden villa when the announcement was made described the scene as electrifying. “This is truly the highlight of my year,” said Horner. “When the three elders announced their choices for funniest autocorrects of the year, it was just magical. Words can’t describe three old men reading these autocorrects out loud to a crowd of over 100,000 people.”

The funniest autocorrects of the year are originally voted on by millions of men and women worldwide. The top 100 voted on funny autocorrects then end up in the hands of the three elders where they narrow that list down to 10.

Without further ado Super Official News is proud to announce the top 10 funniest autocorrects of 2012:

The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012
The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012
The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012
The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012
The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012
The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012
The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012
The 10 Funniest Auto corrects Of 2012