CONFIRMED TRUE: Secret Service Agent Says Obama Is Muslim & Gay In New Tell-All Book

The Black House by Paul Horner

The Black House: A story about an Ex-Secret Service agent who claims President Obama is a gay Muslim.

Making its way around the internet is a story about a book titled, ‘The Black House‘. The best-selling book is about an Ex-Secret Service agent who claims that Obama is a Muslim and also a homosexual. This has been confirmed as TRUE.

We spoke with Lawn Gnome Publishing‘s owner, Aaron Johnson, who put out the book.

“We’ve been selling tens of thousands of copies,” Johnson told Fox News. “We can’t keep copies of the book on the shelves and in our inventory. This true story is also one of the highest selling books currently on Amazon.”

Megyn Kelly from the The Kelly File told Fox News viewers that she highly recommends buying book.

“This book is a must-have for anyone that loves America,” Kelly said. “We have been lied to by this administration for long enough. It is time that Obama comes out, steps up, and addresses these accusations made by a highly decorated former Secret Service agent who used to be in his inner circle.”

The ‘The Black House by Paul Horner’ centers around the former Secret Service agent who tells his story about working and living within the White House during Barack Obama’s term as President.

VIDEO: Secret Service Agent Says Obama Is Muslim & Gay In New Tell-All Book











Facebook Adding ‘Satire’ Tags To Fox News Articles

Menlo Park, CA — What some are calling a “harmless prank” is being taken very seriously by the Fox News Channel. On Sunday, the links on Facebook which display related articles by Fox News were showing ‘satire’ tags beside them. No one is sure if this is permanent, temporary or a mistake, but lawyers of Fox are not taking the issue lightly.

“This is a programmer or someone at Facebook, a comedian,” Paul Horner, a lawyer for Fox News told reporters. “If these tags are not removed in 48 hours Facebook will have a multimillion dollar lawsuit on their hands.”

Fox News has satire tags on Facebook

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President Obama Raising The Minimum Drinking Age To 24 In October

Obama raising the minimum drinking age to 24

Obama announced his decision to raise the minimum drinking age to 24 in a press conference at the White House today. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Washington, DC — In a press conference at the White House today, President Barack Obama announced his controversial decision to raise the minimum drinking age from 21 to 24 years of age.

“We need to work harder to protect the young people in this country,” Obama told reporters. “Our young folks are dying from alcohol related deaths at all-time record numbers. It is our job as parents to safeguard our children from these kinds of dangers.” Obama continued, “That is why beginning October 1st , all alcohol related purchases will be required to be made by individuals 24-years-old or older. This will benefit everyone and make America a safer place.”

Small business owners around the country were up in arms after Obama made the announcement. “This is absolutely ridiculous,” said 35-year-old Paul Horner, owner of a popular drinking establishment in Phoenix, Arizona called The Lost Leaf. “We rely heavily on the business that the 21-23 crowd provide. This new law enforcing a minimum drinking age of 24 will destroy our business and others just like it. Obama needs to reconsider his actions before real harm is done.”

There has been controversy for years whether 21 is too young to buy alcohol and make decisions.


53-year-old Martha Carlson of MADD said the group is thrilled with the news. “This is a great thing that President Obama has done. Research has shown time and time again that a higher drinking age would save thousands of lives every year. This is due to fewer alcohol-related traffic fatalities among underage drivers and all the health related incidents that would be avoided. This is his legacy, by far his greatest achievement ever. Praise Obama!”

Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky told CNN he does not agree with Obama and his announcement to raise the minimum drinking age. “By not putting this for a vote in front of Congress, Obama has clearly defied everything the Constitution stands for,” Paul said. “We can not let this man stomp all over the legal process in this country.”

The minimum age debate began in 1971 when Congress dropped the voting age from 21 to 18. After that many states followed suit and lowered the drinking age to 18 as well.

By 1980, more than half the states in the U.S. had lowered their minimum drinking age, usually from 21 to 18. But when research showed an increase in traffic fatalities in these states, things began to revert back.

On July 17, 1984, President Ronald Reagan signed the National Minimum Drinking Age Act which set the minimum drinking age to 21. Reports found that teens get drunk twice as fast as adults and have more trouble knowing when to stop. The research proved that teens overdo it with alcohol and binge drink more often than adults. The law was created to reduce traffic crashes, protect young people’s health, and keep people safer overall.

Myron Danus, spokesman for the International Center for Alcohol Policies or ICAP told Fox News he believes things are going backwards with today’s decision by the Administration. “If kids can die protecting their country, they should be able to drink a beer. What Obama has done is just plain wrong but I guess only time will tell.”

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Gay-To-Straight Program To Be Implemented In All Virginia Public School Curriculums Beginning September 1st

Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation.

Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here speaking to children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation is teaming up with ‘People Can Change’ in Virginia to help put an end to homosexuality in students grades K-12.

Richmond, VA — Beginning September 1st of this year, the state of Virginia is implementing a mandatory school program designed for all children grades K-12 to help homosexual males and females choose to become straight. The gay-to-straight conversion therapy treatment will be used in all of Virginia’s 2,186 public school curriculums and is already gathering a large amount of criticism as well as those who approve of the new program.

Paul Horner who is the brain child behind People Can Change spoke with Fox News about their plan to help all the gay children of Virginia. “Since 2000 ‘People Can Change‘ has been helping thousands of adults resolve their unwanted same-sex attractions. We bring the gay demons out of these individuals so they can become who god intended them to be. Our success and track record speaks for itself,” Horner said. “Facing the reality that you have unwanted homosexual feelings can cause tremendous turmoil – especially as a child whose feelings conflict with deeply held values, beliefs and life goals. But there is a way out. A path that leads them to resolve rather than fight their homosexual feelings. A path to authentic brotherhood and to our innate heterosexual masculinity.” Horner continued, “Our program with adults has been so successful over the years and thanks to Governor Bob McDonnell we will now be able to help all of the gay children in Virginia too.”

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell who signed off on the the ‘People Can Change’ gay-to-straight conversion therapy treatment told CNN he is excited about the program. “A child has to choose to become gay because god would never create a homosexual. It’s a choice, not something they were born with – and that is a proven fact,” McDonnell said. “Can you imagine how much more productive these ‘now-straight’ children will be not always being bullied or wondering why god made them defective? Gay children will finally be able to learn who they truly are for once in their lives.” McDonnell continued, “What we are doing is monumental. I can only hope and pray that other states follow suit.”

Beau Hough who is the Senior Gay Development Analyst at ‘People Can Change’ told reporters about the exciting plans waiting in store for all the gay children of Virginia. “We have hired Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin from the organization Stop Masturbation Now to come in and speak with all of suspected gay students in Virginia. Having a dolphin mascot will loosen the tension for the children as they are told that if they continue to choose to be gay, they will then start masturbating and then will go to Hell for eternity in the afterlife.” Hough continued, “There’s nothing gayer than a male causing a penis to ejaculate, whether or not it’s his own. We will put an end to this horrible and evil travesty once and for all, just as Jesus would want it.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of ‘Stop Masturbation Now’ said he is excited about the chance to help gay children in Virginia. “Homosexuality and masturbation is a gateway drug to rape,” Childs told reporters. “It leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease,” Childs said. “God willing, one day homosexuality and masturbation will be illegal.”

The organization ‘People Can Change’ is located in Ruckersville, Virginia. The group has gay-to-straight conversion facilities all around the country and has been in operation since May of 2000. ‘People Can Change’ can be contacted at 1-434-227-9346 or by email at rich@peoplecanchange.com.

National Report attempted to contact the Superintendent of Public Instruction for comment but as of press time had received no response.

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Facebook Whistleblower Says Fake Accounts Makeup Half Of All Current Users

Bill Murray saves a child in London, England from certain death

Paul Horner seen here (not his real name) talks to the BBC News about Facebook and their hundreds of thousands of fake accounts.

London, England — An insider working at the offices of Facebook in London, England told the BBC News today that almost half the accounts on Facebook are fake. He said these shill accounts are known to exist and Facebook is fully aware of them yet does nothing to delete them.

Paul Horner (not his real name) told the BBC that the shill accounts are not deleted for the sole purpose of keeping Facebook’s stock price up. “I think it is wrong what Facebook is doing and it’s finally time that someone came forward to expose this scam and that someone is me,” Horner said. “Facebook claims it has over 1 billion active monthly users. The real numbers are closer to 600,000 at the most. If that news were made public the stock price would plummet, so Facebook is careful not to take action against the fake accounts or to disclose that information.”

Horner then went on to list the sites with the most fake users on Facebook. “With the private data that I have personally seen, the pages that have the most fake users are the ones belonging to Fox News, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Bill O’ReillyRush Limbaugh, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman & Sarah Palin just to name some of the top offenders,” Horner said. “The fake users are easy to spot on their pages. Anyone agreeing with these people or telling them how much they love and appreciate what they are doing for America; that is a dead giveaway.” Horner continued, “All the Tea Party fan pages out there, those are 80-90% fake users. There is just not that much hate in the world for pages like those to have the numbers they do, and the companies that fund those pages know that too. So they create thousands of fake accounts and pay people with no morals to work their agendas using those shill accounts. Or they just let the shill account stay inactive but it gives the page the appearance of having more users than it actually does.”


Horner finished the interview by telling the BBC News where he got his inspiration to be a whistleblower. “If Edward Snowden has the courage to come forward and expose the NSA, then I can do the same in exposing Facebook.”

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg could not be reached for comment at the time of this press release. Facebook, Inc., ticker symbol FB, is currently trading at 23.48 -0.25‎ (-1.04%‎).

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Fuck Mitt Romney.

Fuck Mitt RomneyNote: This article is currently being reviewed by the Pulitzer Prize Board of Directors. Awards for the Pulitzer and excellence in journalism will be announced by the end of this year.

Washington, D.C. — Holy goddamn fucking shit, two-faced, cunt bitch asshole, Mitt Romney. Fucking lame ass, punk bitch cocksucker, fucking up my shit! Motherfucker, ass cunt 47%, fuckin’ shit. Putting down his own $5,000 to buy food to donate to his bitch ass for Sandy, fake photo opp motherfucker. Fucking bitch, cuntface dickhead ass-hat.

Carpetmuncher, cockfucker, gift-from-god-rape or fuckin’ legitimate rape? Douchewaffle Romney, tittyfuck binders full of women, cumslut muffdivers. Pig-fucker Paul Ryan shitty homodumbshit, another fake photo opp faggot scrubbing clean dishes, Ayn Rand rimjob, thundercunt Vice Presidential running mate.

Corporations are people bullshit, boner handjob, fuck. Deregulate everything polesmokers. Ass clowns Romney/Ryan douchebag faggots, no plan. 1% get richer, cum guzzling dickweasels. Poor and working class get bonerfilled harder. Nation fucking collapses. Fuck!

President of the World, Paul Horner asks, “How?”

Answer: Fucking fear, lies, misinformation, Fox News, evil, the Bible Belt, rigged voting machines, old angry white people, ignorance, stupidity, racism, corporate money, teabagging shitfaced dicknozels.

Poor people? The middle class? Education? Healthcare? Jobs? Economy? Women’s rights? Gay rights? Fuck it!

Romnesia shit, goddamn delusional dickbag. Asshead, windows on a plane should open? Fucking retard! Mormon Romney is a god of his own universe when he dies. Kolob cult, dumb fucking shit.

Fuck Mitt Romney.

Mars Rover Comes Out Of The Closet

The Ass Press
Posted: 08/06/2012 12:00:14 PM PDT

The Mars rover is gay - comes out of the closetPasadena, CA — NASA scientists have confirmed that the Mars rover Curiosity has come out of the closet after safely landing on the Red Planet this morning. Engineers are saying that it hasn’t been roving around like it’s supposed to, but instead has been skipping from destination to destination. NASA is also informing reporters that the rover changed it’s own name from ‘Curiosity’ to ‘Bi-Curiosity’ and is currently sending back the photos it’s collecting to Earth using Instagram.

Paul Horner who is NASA’s lead scientist on the project said that everyone at NASA knew the rover was gay. “Going into this project, we all knew the rover was attracted to robots of it’s own gender. The rover was doing things a straight rover just wouldn’t do. We also caught it numerous times sexting with WALL-E.” Horner continued, “I think Mars is a good place for a rover to safely come out of the closet. It’s a far enough distance from Republicans, Christians and any Chick-fil-A restaurants.”

Dale Simmons is a television executive at FOX News who says the station is refusing to broadcast information about the Mars landing until NASA replaces the gay rover with a straight rover. “This is one of the most important pieces of news this year, besides Obama’s missing birth certificate of course, and some fruity little rover is up there in charge of everything. I don’t know about you, but as an American, I don’t like it one darn bit.”

Horner says the Mars rover Bi-Curiosity will continue with it’s current mission of collecting data about the region, but has added ‘looking for signs of gay life’ to it’s list of things to do. “We believe any previous gay life on Mars could have listened to music the equivalent of a band like Cold Play or Nickelback. So the rover is currently looking for album cover remains and things of that nature.”

NASA’s chief engineer, Victor Shueman, said he is extremely pleased with the photos that the rover is transmitting back to Earth. “The first pictures that the rover sent back were just your basic black and white photos. But since the rover came out of the closet this morning, these recent ones are actually quite amazing. They are in full color. Some have images of smiley faces and unicorns on them too. The rover has also been sending us photos of it’s ‘fabulous’ tan that it has acquired since landing on the Red Planet.”

The Bi-Curiosity rover is informing NASA it will stay on the planet collecting data and taking pictures as long as the mission takes and also until Mars allows gay marriage.

>>> Mars rover finds first signs of life on the Red Planet