Bill Murray Is Hero After Saving Child’s Life From Oncoming Traffic

Bill Murray saves a child in London, England from certain death

Bill Murray is a hero after he saves the life of a child in London, England today from certain death. (AP Photo/David Hatala)

London, England — What is Bill Murray not capable of doing? According to Fox News and NBC, that is the question being asked by London residents and police today as Murray saved the life of a 9-year-old girl from certain death after he pushed her out of the way at the last second of a semi-truck that was barreling down on the young girl at full speed.

36-year-old Paul Horner, who is in London on business, witnessed the near fatal accident, and told the BBC News about what he saw.

“Yeah, it was horrifying. I saw this little girl standing in the middle of road on her phone and this truck was just going full speed, right towards this poor girl. Then out of nowhere this man pushed her out of the way at the last second saving her life,” Horner said. “So I ran over to them to see if they were alright and to my amazement I see that the girl was perfectly fine and the guy who saved her was none other than Bill Murray! It was Bill frickin’ Murray who saved this kids life!” Horner continued, “That guy is always doing something awesome whether it’s making movies, playing golf with the pros, crashing random parties, bartending with RZA and GZA from the Wu Tang Claneating french fries off the tables of random people or saving lives! He’s everywhere!”

9-year-old Courtney Groves from Bristol, England told reporters about her near death experience.

“I was just playing Zombie Playground, it’s like my favorite game, and wasn’t paying attention to the cars around me. Thank you Mr. Murray for saving my life today,” Groves said. “He even sat down with me and helped me finish the level I was playing. We got a perfect score! He told me that he was in a movie years ago about a zombie, just like my game! I didn’t know what he was talking about but Bill Murray liked my game and he saved my life so I thought that was really neat!”

Murray spoke briefly to reporters about the incident.

“I’m no hero, I was just in the right place at the right time. I think anyone else in my position would have done the same,” Murray said. “Courtney is a great kid. We talked for a while. She even let me play her game on her phone. I told her the next time you wanna play video games, don’t do it in the middle of traffic.”

Tweet from Boris Johnson the Mayor of London about Bill Murray

25-year-old Brian Barth who is a game developer on the Zombie Playground™ team told CNN that he is thrilled the child was not injured.

“It’s an amazing thing that Bill Murray was there to save her life.” Barth said. “It feels really good when someone plays a game you helped create, had a hand in developing; it’s just not a game meant to be played in the middle of traffic, that’s for sure, well unless Bill Murray is there,” Barth laughs.

Boris Johnson who is the Mayor of London told reporters how proud he is to have Murray currently in his city.

“This is a day for everyone in London to celebrate Bill Murray,” Johnson said. “Most blokes would have just stood there like an arse and let that poor girl get run over, but not Mr. Murray. So it is decided, for his bravery we are throwing him a parade and awarding him a key to the city. Today is Bill Murray day in London!”

Murray was in London visiting friends and sightseeing when this near-tragic event took place. Murray says he plans to stay in London for another week and then is off to Japan to finish up work on a new project. Police say alcohol was a factor in this near-fatal tragedy.





Indian Woman Stoned To Death For Sending Husband Too Many Facebook Game Requests

The Punjab Haryana High Court in India where a woman was stoned to death for disobeying her husband

The Punjab Haryana High Court in India where a woman was stoned to death today for disobeying her husband.

Punjab, INDIA — 32-year-old Indira Mahajan was stoned to death today after being found guilty by the Haryana High court of Punjab, India. Her husband, 51-year-old Bijan Kumar Mahajan said he is thrilled with the ruling and says the court’s decision brings much happiness to his friends and family.

Justice Paramjeet Singh Dhaliwal heard Mr. Mahajan’s thirty minute long testimony and immediately found the woman guilty. “I heard Mr. Mahajan’s story and it was obvious that this woman needed to pay for her crimes. She shamed her husband, her family and her entire village. Justice was definitely served today.”

During the trial Mr. Mahajan explained to Justice Dhaliwal the reason that he wanted his wife of 21-years dead. “She kept sending me Facebook game requests for a stupid game called Candy Crush Saga. I told her numerous times to stop sending me these game requests but she never listened,” Mahajan said. “She knows I don’t like candy. One time I played Candy Crush Saga and I hated it. It has candy jewels that mock you if you make a mistake. Those jewels showed much disrespect for my family. I wanted to candy crush their souls.” Mr. Mahajan continued, “I did everything I could do to have her stop sending me requests to play the game. I yelled at her, I beat her, I raped her, I let my brother rape her, I let the neighbors rape her, I let the village rape her and still she kept sending me these game requests.”


34-year-old year old Erich Sean from England who is in Punjab on business was at the trial when the guilty verdict came in. “That poor, poor girl. What is wrong with these people? I have to get the fu*k out of this backwards country tonight!”

At a press conference in New York, Paul Horner who is the the president of ‘People against Games on Facebook’ (PGF) explained to reporters about the dangers of sending Facebook game requests to friends and family members. “This is just one of the many problems that can arise when people send game requests on Facebook. Your annoying friend on Facebook gets the brilliant idea that you might want to stop what you are doing and help them build a cartoon barn or plant a field of carrots,” Horner told CNN. “So they send you a game request and then you have to log in to Facebook to see what your friend sent. You then see it is something you could absolutely care less about, you get mad and then you want to kill them. Eventually the tragic event that took place in Punjab today is going to happen somewhere else. It’s only a matter of time.”

###

WANT TO HELP THE WOMEN IN INDIA? THEN DO SOMETHING!

Giveindia.org gives 90%-95% of the money that you donate directly to the cause of helping women in India. This money provides them with proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more!

Click here to donate!

rapes in India

UPDATE 11/7/13: Woman of India, it’s your fault.

UPDATE 10/8/13:
View India’a Response Here

UPDATE 10/9/13:
India Ends Diplomatic Relations With The U.S. Over Satirical Article

UPDATE 11/13/13:
Top India police official says, “If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it.”