India Ends Diplomatic Relations With The U.S. Over Satirical Article

Rape Festival in India

Image of the Assam Rape Festival news article on the National Report website.

Assam, INDIA — People in India are outraged by a satirical article that appeared on an American website reporting a rape festival taking place in India’s northeastern state of Assam. “We rape the evil demons out of the girls, otherwise they will cheat on us and we will be forced to kill them. So it is a win-win for everyone,” says the article published by the National Report.

Daarun Gupta who is the Assistant Commissioner of the Assam Police CID’s cyber crime cell told reporters the Indian Government has taken up a sue moto case holding the National Report and the author of the story accountable.

“It is a sensitive issue that clearly violates India’s cyber crime statutes and we have taken up the matter with the public prosecutor in New Delhi,” Gupta said. “We have requested an arrest warrant for the author and are asking the United States Government for extradition rights so that he may be prosecuted to the fullest extent of India law.” Gupta continued, “We are working around the clock with our top government officials, police agencies and lawyers to makes sure all parties are held accountable. This injustice will not go unpunished.”
Dr. Manmohan Singh who is the Prime Minister of India on Twitter posting about the Rape Festival
Today Dr. Manmohan Singh who is the Prime Minister of India held a press conference to address the issue. “This defiant act against the great people of India will not be tolerated, America has gone too far this time. This rape festival story is not funny whatsoever. The country of India is ending it’s diplomatic relations with the United States until we have received a sincere apology from President Barack Obama. The sacred country of India demands satisfaction!”

The National Report who published the article said the story was meant to highlight the very serious issue of rape in India while at the same time raising money for the woman of India through a charity called Give India, which is listed at the bottom of the article. While the story has led to all kinds of threats of violence and criminal/legal action against the author and site owner, one group from India returened the favor by publishing a story about America titled, “The Great American Mass Shooting Festival Begins Next Week” which has since gone viral.

Since the article appeared on the National Report website, GiveIndia.org who is the charity promoted at the bottom of the article has received over 2,000 unique visitors. The charity gives 90% – 95% of the money that is donated directly to the cause of helping women in India. This money provides them with proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more. GiveIndia.org is in no way associated with or responsible for the story or the views expressed in it.


34-year-old Jimmy Rustling from Phoenix, Arizona who is the author of the article told CNN the story was meant to raise awareness about the serious issue of rape in India while raising money for the woman that live there. “My story is an exaggeration of the truth. Most woman in India can’t get help or contact the police. If they get raped it shames their family, or the court finds that it was their fault because of the way they dressed, or they don’t believe in god hard enough, or there wasn’t enough witnesses, or they get stoned to death by reporting the rape, the list goes on and on. I can only imagine how many reported rapes there would actually be in India if they treated woman like human beings, having the same rights as men, instead of objects that are married slaves. Hopefully my article is a wake-up call to them. Get tough on rape India, stop allowing men to do this, this is what most of the world thinks of you. There could never be a “Dallas Rape Festival”, that would make no sense. Yes, there is rape that happens in the city of Dallas, but are they known for that? Of course not. It wouldn’t make any sense.” Rustling continues, “We only approved comments that believed the hoax. That was only 50 comments out of 10,000 or more. It’s my story and I feel the comments add to it. You can’t just ruin it for everybody by letting them know it’s a hoax. Also, I wrote at least 25 out of those 50 comments just to get things going. So that leaves just 25 comments by really stupid people. Watch out when you’re walking in a cross walk or on the street, basically whenever you’re outside your house. You never know who you will run into or how low their IQ will be.”

The “India Rape Festival” was posted on November 2nd and went viral with various social media outlets. As of today the story has over four hundred shares on Facebook. Mr. Rustling went into hiding early Friday morning fearing for his life but not before stating, “Can’t we all just get along?”

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WANT TO HELP THE WOMEN IN INDIA? THEN DO SOMETHING!

Giveindia.org gives 90%-95% of the money that you donate directly to the cause of helping women in India. This money provides them with proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more! NOTE: GiveIndia.org is in no way associated with or responsible for this article or the views expressed in it.

Click here to donate

Funny news

UPDATE 11/9/13: Woman of India, it’s your fault.

UPDATE 11/13/13:
Top India police official says, “If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it.”


Indian Woman Stoned To Death For Sending Husband Too Many Facebook Game Requests

The Punjab Haryana High Court in India where a woman was stoned to death for disobeying her husband

The Punjab Haryana High Court in India where a woman was stoned to death today for disobeying her husband.

Punjab, INDIA — 32-year-old Indira Mahajan was stoned to death today after being found guilty by the Haryana High court of Punjab, India. Her husband, 51-year-old Bijan Kumar Mahajan said he is thrilled with the ruling and says the court’s decision brings much happiness to his friends and family.

Justice Paramjeet Singh Dhaliwal heard Mr. Mahajan’s thirty minute long testimony and immediately found the woman guilty. “I heard Mr. Mahajan’s story and it was obvious that this woman needed to pay for her crimes. She shamed her husband, her family and her entire village. Justice was definitely served today.”

During the trial Mr. Mahajan explained to Justice Dhaliwal the reason that he wanted his wife of 21-years dead. “She kept sending me Facebook game requests for a stupid game called Candy Crush Saga. I told her numerous times to stop sending me these game requests but she never listened,” Mahajan said. “She knows I don’t like candy. One time I played Candy Crush Saga and I hated it. It has candy jewels that mock you if you make a mistake. Those jewels showed much disrespect for my family. I wanted to candy crush their souls.” Mr. Mahajan continued, “I did everything I could do to have her stop sending me requests to play the game. I yelled at her, I beat her, I raped her, I let my brother rape her, I let the neighbors rape her, I let the village rape her and still she kept sending me these game requests.”


34-year-old year old Erich Sean from England who is in Punjab on business was at the trial when the guilty verdict came in. “That poor, poor girl. What is wrong with these people? I have to get the fu*k out of this backwards country tonight!”

At a press conference in New York, Paul Horner who is the the president of ‘People against Games on Facebook’ (PGF) explained to reporters about the dangers of sending Facebook game requests to friends and family members. “This is just one of the many problems that can arise when people send game requests on Facebook. Your annoying friend on Facebook gets the brilliant idea that you might want to stop what you are doing and help them build a cartoon barn or plant a field of carrots,” Horner told CNN. “So they send you a game request and then you have to log in to Facebook to see what your friend sent. You then see it is something you could absolutely care less about, you get mad and then you want to kill them. Eventually the tragic event that took place in Punjab today is going to happen somewhere else. It’s only a matter of time.”

###

WANT TO HELP THE WOMEN IN INDIA? THEN DO SOMETHING!

Giveindia.org gives 90%-95% of the money that you donate directly to the cause of helping women in India. This money provides them with proper education, shelter, food, help in getting out of abusive relationships, rape counseling and much more!

Click here to donate!

rapes in India

UPDATE 11/7/13: Woman of India, it’s your fault.

UPDATE 10/8/13:
View India’a Response Here

UPDATE 10/9/13:
India Ends Diplomatic Relations With The U.S. Over Satirical Article

UPDATE 11/13/13:
Top India police official says, “If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it.”

Candy Crush Saga Killer Strikes Again

Candy Crush Saga Killer strikes again

The ‘Candy Crush Saga Killer’ has struck again. This time 34-year-old Shilda Vafaei was the unfortunate victim.

Phoenix, AZ — What was supposed to be a fun game on Facebook has instilled terror and fear among the citizens of Phoenix, Arizona as the infamous ‘Candy Crush Saga Killer’ has struck once again.

The latest victim is 34-year-old Shilda Vafaei who was known to play Candy Crush Saga for days on end and send out hundreds of game requests to her friends on Facebook. “Shilda Vafaei makes victim number seven in the last three months,” Michael Spielman of the Phoenix Police Department said. “I urge the people of Phoenix to stop sending Candy Crush Saga game requests immediately until the killer has been apprehended.” Spielman continued, “Even when this individual has been apprehended, please continue not sending game requests. It will just make your friends hate you and someone will end up getting killed again.”

Greg Tidrow from Phoenix, Arizona who lived next to the victim explained what Candy Crush Saga is to reporters. “Candy Crush Saga is like Bejeweled, but with candy!”

Local Phoenix resident Paul Horner told reporters that he receives Candy Crush Saga game requests all the time. “My male friend, who I thought was straight, Ivan Schleinkofer, sent me a request to play this game with him. Is he gay for me I thought, or is this a normal game males play together? When I was growing up, my male friends and I played Contra and blew sh*t up. It was all about Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right B, A, Start,” Horner said. “This killer probably was sent too many Candy Crush Saga game requests and just snapped and I don’t blame him. One more request and I just might start candy crushing some skulls.”

So far the police have no leads. If you have any information about this case, Phoenix Police are urging you to contact Silent Witness at (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

Man Sues Friend Over Stealing His Facebook Cover Photo For $1.2 Million

Facebook cover photo lawsuit in Arizona

An Arizona man is suing his friend for $1.2 million over a Facebook cover photo he allegedly used without his permission.

Phoenix, AZ — An Arizona man is suing a friend of his for $1.2 million for allegedly using his Facebook cover photo without his permission. The photo in question is from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, a 1968 science fiction film produced and directed by Stanley Kubrick.

34-year-old Kyle Brock who is suing Arizona resident Paul Horner told reporters the reason behind the lawsuit. “Paul is always trying to one-up me. I worked really hard finding that unique picture, and he just comes along and uses it,” says Brock. “I took the time to find something to be original, and he used it without giving me credit. He also erased my comments on his page when I complained about it. Since then I’ve been hiding all my posts from him so he doesn’t steal any of my ideas again.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” says Horner. “I Photoshopped out the part of the monkey and put it on my Facebook cover photo. Like, oh no one has ever seen the movie Space Odyssey 2001 before, how original.”

A Facebook cover photo is the large photo at the top of a Facebook timeline, right above an individual’s profile picture. Initial court proceedings of the lawsuit ‘Brock vs Horner’ begin January 28th at the U.S. District Court of Arizona in downtown Phoenix.

This is the original Facebook cover photo that was used by Brock:
Facebook cover photo lawsuit

This is the original Facebook cover photo that was used by Horner:
Facebook cover photo lawsuit

This is the new Facebook cover photo created and used by Horner that is at the center of this lawsuit:
Facebook cover photo lawsuit

Super Official News wants to know what your thoughts are on this lawsuit? Please leave your comments below.


Facebook News: Randi Zuckerberg Suing Brother Mark Zuckerberg For Lack Of Privacy Over Pictures Posted

Facebook keeps claiming it's privacy setting are secure, but now the sister of CEO Mark Zuckerberhg is suing Facebook for lack of privacy.

Facebook continues to claim its privacy settings are secure. All of that may change since the sister of CEO Mark Zuckerberg is suing Facebook for lack of privacy.

Silicon Valley, CA — After pictures of Mark Zuckerberg’s sister surfaced on the internet today, Randi Zuckerberg says she is suing her brother for lack of privacy on Facebook.

“I thought when I posted my pictures and personal information on Facebook no one could see that,” says Zuckerberg. “Well, I guess I was wrong. I can’t even trust my own brother.” Zuckerberg continued, “When you post something on the internet you should be able to feel that your pictures or information is safe from creeps. Well, I guess not even on my brother’s fun little website.”

Mark Zuckerberg told reporters he was offended by his sister and her comments. “If she wants to go to war over this, then bring it,” Zuckerberg said. “I’m Facebook. She’s my sister. You do the math on that one.”

Privacy issues have been a big issue lately with Facebook says New York Times editor Paul Horner. “Facebook is selling your personal and private information. They own you,” says Horner. “Then the sister of the guy who owns Facebook sues his own brother for privacy issues because he can’t keep her pictures and personal information safe? All I can say is grab a bucket of popcorn and watch the train wreck unfold.”

At this time it is still unclear what amount of money or damages Randi Zuckerberg is suing for. Facebook has yet to release a statement.

One of the pictures by Randi Zuckerberg that was supposed to remain unseen:
Facebook: Randi Zuckerberg Suing Brother Mark Zuckerberg For Lack Of Privacy Over Pictures Posted

RELATED NEWS:
> Facebook To Start Charging Users $3.99/mo Beginning January 1st, 2013
> Facebook Announces New Breathalyzer Chat & Posting Feature
> Facebook Launches New Gold Account Program For $9.95/month
> Man Not Guilty in Killing Wife Over Too Many Facebook Game Requests

Facebook Announces New Breathalyzer Chat & Posting Feature

Facebookalyzer™

The Facebookalyzer™ stops ‘drunk Facebooking’ in it’s tracks. Order yours today!

Palo Alto, CA — Facebook today announced the launch of their new breathalyzer chat and status update posting feature. Users will now be required to blow into the Facebookalyzer™ before posting a status update or chatting with friends. The idea is to help other users get a better perspective on what they’re reading or who they are chatting with based on that person’s blood alcohol level.

Users with a blood alcohol level over .15 will now be blocked from posting or chatting about such things as boyfriends, girlfriends, exes, religion, politics or personal stances on activism of any kind. The topics for these users are limited to such things as mini-giraffes and recipes for pumpkin pie.

32-year-old Matt Berg from Phoenix Arizona says he enjoys using the Facebookalyzer™. “Before I would drink a fifth of Jack Daniels, go online and rant about how much of a bitch my girlfriend is or how much I love her. Now with this new feature from Facebook that doesn’t happen anymore. Thanks Facebookalyzer™!”

Facebook spokesman Paul Horner talked to reporters at a press conference this afternoon to answer questions about the launch of the new Facebookalyzer™. “Facebook is about friends connecting in an enjoyable online environment. Unfortunately too many users think it’s a good idea to get ‘tore up’ and then start posting on Facebook. Well, now thanks to the Facebookalyzer™, there is a solution for that problem,” Horner said. “Repeat offenders of posting or chatting completely smashed can be banned from Facebook for periods of 30-90 days. For users that are habitual offenders a perma-ban can be put in place.”

The Facebookalyzer™ is now the solution for that friend of yours who thinks it’s a good idea to get on Facebook late at night completely clobbered our of their mind. The Facebookalyzer™ makes a great gift or stocking stuffer for that annoying alcoholic friend of yours who likes to bring unnecessary drama to Facebook and completely embarrass themselves. To order, call the the The Facebookalyzer™ 24-Hour Hotline at (785) 273-0325. Remember, friends don’t let friends drunk Facebook.

RELATED NEWS:
> Facebook Launches New Gold Account Program For $9.95/month
> Facebook: Randi Zuckerberg Suing Brother Mark Zuckerberg For Lack Of Privacy Over Pictures Posted
> Facebook To Start Charging Users $3.99/mo Beginning January 1st, 2013
Man Not Guilty in Killing Wife Over Too Many Facebook Game Requests

Man Not Guilty in Killing Wife Over Too Many Facebook Game Requests

THE ASS PRESS
POSTED: 04/25/2012 6:00:57 PM PDT

Man Not Guilty in Killing Wife For Sending Him Game Requests on FacebookKabul, Afghanistan — An Afghan man was found not guilty Wednesday by a Tribunal of his elders for the gruesome murder of his wife of 42 years. The man, 54 year old Aasif Zawaydeh, apparently had choked his wife to death, cut her body up and fed it to the family dog. His defense was that she sent him too many game requests on Facebook and because of this she needed to die. The man says his wife knew he didn’t like the Avengers movie and kept sending him game requests for it on Facebook even after repeatedly telling her to stop.

Zawaydeh explained to the Tribunal, “I told her numerous times to stop sending me these stupid Facebook game requests for Avengers Alliance but she never listened.” Zawaydeh continued, “I yelled at her, I beat her, I raped her, I let my brother rape her, I let the neighbors rape her, I let the village rape her and still she kept sending me these damn game requests for Avengers Alliance. I don’t like using Facebook except to stay in contact with old friends from my militia and she knew this. I don’t like the Avengers movie and I especially don’t want to play the stupid game on Facebook.”

The Tribunal voted 12-0 unanimously in favor of the man saying that he was justified in the killing of his wife.

48 year old Steven Edwards from England who’s in Afghanistan because of work was at the trial when the verdict came in. “What is wrong with these people? I have to get the fu*k out of this country right now.”

At a press conference in New York this morning Paul Horner, the president of PGF or People against Games on Facebook said, “This is just one of the many problems that can arise when people send game requests on Facebook. Your annoying friend on Facebook gets the brilliant idea that maybe you want to stop doing what you’re doing and help them build a cartoon barn or plant a field of carrots. So they send you a game request and then you have to log in to Facebook to see what your friend sent. You see it’s something you could absolutely care less about, you get mad and then you wanna kill them. Eventually what happened in Afghanistan is going to happen somewhere else. It’s only a matter of time.”

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