Inspired By Jason Collins, Entire WNBA Comes Out Of The Closet

WNBA president Laurel J. Richie speaking to reporters

WNBA president Laurel J. Richie speaking to reporters about how rad lesbians are.

The Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) held a press conference today to announce that the entire WNBA has come out of the closet.  This comes on the heals of the courage shown by Jason Collins, who on Monday became the first openly gay male athlete in a major American team sport.

WNBA president Laurel J. Richie told reporters it took a lot of fortitude for Collins to tell the world he was gay and the WNBA is not afraid to stand there with him. “I know what most people are thinking, ‘Oh but how can a woman that plays basketball for a living be a lesbian?’ Well, it’s the truth,” Richie said. “In fact, I’ve been wanting to say this for a while now and thanks to Jason Collins I finally can; I’m officially coming out of the closet. I’m a proud lesbian!”

Sylvia Fowles of the Chicago Sky said she is excited about the future of the WNBA. “We’ve been lesbians for a long time now, but were always too scared to come out,” Fowles said. “We didn’t want to blow this masquerade of beautiful women who love men. We thought it would lower ticket sales if all the men knew that every member of the WNBA only loves rug.” Fowles continued, “But thanks to Jason Collins I think those worries are now a thing of the past.”

Candace Parker of the Los Angeles Sparks is the only player that did not come out of the closet but said she is considering it. “I love men, but I have to support the team, so maybe I’ll be bisexual. That actually sounds pretty hot.”

Long-time WNBA fan Paul Horner said he is amazed to hear of the news. “I’m still in shock,” said Horner. “These are woman who play basketball for a living. I had no idea that they were lesbians too.” Horner continued, “Well as long as they don’t fornicate on the court too much I’ll still continue going to games.”