Michelle Obama To Play Wife Of Lando Calrissian In Star Wars: Episode VII

Michelle Obama will play the wife of Lando Calrissian in the upcoming Star Wars: Episode VII

Michelle Obama will play the wife of Lando Calrissian in the upcoming Star Wars: Episode VII

Hollywood, CA — Disney held a press conference today to announce exciting Star Wars news confirming that none other than Michelle Obama will play a role in Episode VII of the upcoming Star Wars sequel trilogy. Disney says the First Lady will be playing the wife of Cloud City administrator and general in the Rebel Alliance, Lando Calrissian.

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for Disney talked briefly with reporters to explain Mrs. Obama’s role in the upcoming Star Wars movie. “We are excited to have Michelle Obama on board with this project. She will make a great addition to the movie,” Horner said. “The First Lady’s character will have a few scenes of dialogue. We will also see her interact with Lando Calrissian and the other members of the Rebel Alliance. She might even carry a lightsaber, though we’ll probably have to wait and see what her real husband’s gun control policy on lightsabers are first.” Horner laughs, “But seriously, we’re just delighted to have her on the team.”

Though not everyone is as excited as Disney to have Mrs. Obama playing a role in the film. “It’s absolutely ridiculous,” said Marvin Harris, a film critic with the New York Times. “This is just a ploy to sell more tickets and in the end it will upstage the current actors. Disney will be wishing they never made this mistake.”

Being in front of an audience is nothing new for the First Lady. She made her acting debut on Nickelodeon’s hit kid show, iCarly and was recently seen at the Oscars presenting the award for best picture to Argo.

Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford have already agreed to return as Princess Leia and Han Solo for Episode VII. Star Wars: Episode VII is an upcoming movie from Lucasfilm Ltd. scheduled to be released by Walt Disney Pictures sometime during the summer of 2015.


Disney Announces Details Of Star Wars: Episode VII

Jar Jar Binks returns for Star Wars: Episode VII

Jar Jar Binks will return in the highly anticipated Star Wars: Episode VII

Hollywood, CA — Disney held a press conference today to give some insight into what fans can expect from Episode VII of the upcoming Star Wars sequel trilogy.

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for Disney talked briefly with reporters this morning to explain what lies in store for fans. “I can’t go into much detail but I did want to quickly go over some of the main plot points for Episode VII,” Horner said. “As you may remember Jar Jar Binks first appears in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace as a bumbling yet lovable Gungan from the planet Naboo. He was banished by his tribe because of his clumsiness.” Horner continued, “Episode VII will be a prequel that revolves around Jar Jar Binks and his life on Naboo before his banishment. We’ll be able to see all the crazy antics and wild adventures that he got into. Then the movie will end where Episode I picks up with Qui-Gon and his padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi persuading Jar Jar’s tribe to release him into their custody as a guide.”

Kyle Brock said he is excited to hear that Episode VII will focus around the story and history of Jar Jar Binks. “He’s the funniest, most lovable character in all of the Star Wars episodes combined,” Brock said. “Some people didn’t care for Jar Jar Binks in Episodes I through Episode III, but the internet extends outside of their opinion,” Brock continued, “You know why George Lucas made Jar Jar Binks? Because no one was there to tell him it sucked and if they did he didn’t listen. Ideas are not babies, you don’t need to nurture each one. They’re like your breath, sometimes it stinks but your nose is too close to the problem to have the perspective it needs. Disney, just like Lucas, is not listening to the naysayers once again and because of that, Episode VII will be the best Star Wars Episode so far. I can’t wait!”

Horner ended the press conference explaining to reporters that fans can expect more laughs and shenanigan from Jar Jar Binks than ever before. “We have better technology now, so the animation of Jar Jar will be amazing. Expect new hilarious quotes from Jar Jar and we’re even bringing back some of his classic lines such as, ‘Yipe! How wude!’, and who could forget, ‘Ooh mooey mooey I love you!’. Star Wars fans are in for a real treat in 2015.”

Star Wars: Episode VII is an upcoming movie from Lucasfilm Ltd. scheduled to be released by Walt Disney Pictures in July of 2015.


Disney Announces Plans For 26,000 Star Wars Movies In The Next 5 Years

Darth Vader and Disney have teamed up

Seen here is a promotional photo for Disney’s ‘Darth Vader Heads West’, scheduled for release next week.

Hollywood, CA — Fanboys around the world are celebrating as Disney has just announced plans for an additional 26,000 Star Wars movies to be released in the next 5 years. This news comes just months after Disney acquired George LucasLucasfilm Ltd. which  includes the rights to the entire Star Wars franchise.

Paul Horner who is Chairman & CEO of Disney said these are exciting times for the company. “No matter if you’re 9 or 90 years old, we have a Star Wars movie coming out just for you. Even if you don’t like Star Wars, we have a movie for that too!”

“There’s probably 100 or so of these new Star Wars movies I would like to see, but definitely not the other 25,900,” says Lucasfilm’s head animator Kyle Brock. “The problem happened when some executive over at Disney that goes by just the name ‘Paul‘, like Seal or some bullsh*t like that, heard a rumor that he wasn’t supposed to tell anybody about, but he did anyway. Now he’s trying to make up for his mistake by releasing all these thousands of crap Star Wars movies,” Brock said. “He still deserves a beat-down in my opinion because the damage has already been done. I mean, Hakuna Matata now means, may the Force be with you. What the f*ck is that all about?”

Before ending the press conference, Horner left a list of the next 6 Star Wars films coming to theaters or DVD this week:

  • Yoda & Shrek’s Great Adventure
    Yoda is Shrek’s great grandfather and attempts to show Skrek the ways of the Force while at the same time getting into wacky adventures.
  • Pinocchio: Lightsaber Of Death
    Pinocchio’s nose becomes a lightsaber and has to fight off members of the dark side.
  • Lady and the Tramp in Space
    Han Solo and Princess Leia share a meatball and get romantically involved as they fight off evil villains in different parts of the galaxy.
  • Mickey Mouse & Luke Skywalker’s Day Off
    Mickey Mouse and Luke Skywalker sit around a kitchen table, drinking tea, talking about current events and different women that they have been with throughout their lives.
  • C-3PO and Wall-E Forever
    C-3PO and Wall-E are gay lovers who live together in a one bedroom apartment in the redneck town of DeQuincy, Louisiana. It is a touching story about two gay robots and their struggles with society to accept them for who they are.
  • Jedi Computer Skills
    A 3 hour long documentary about turning off your computer, leaving your parents basement and talking to the opposite sex, just like a real Jedi would do.

Brock told reporters he does not approve of Disney’s buyout of Lucasfilm. “Disney is the definition of corporate greed, who are making as many Star Wars movies as possible, just because they can and they know they will make money, regardless if it tarnishes the Star Wars brand forever,” Brock said. “And what happens after five years when the first 26,000 movies are released, are they just going to make another 26,000 movies? It’s just not cool George Lucas, it’s not cool at all.”

In order to make all 26,000 movies in 5 years Disney will be releasing a little over 14 films per day on average. The stock and cash transaction of Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm totaled an estimated $4.05 billion. The deal was approved in October of last year by the Disney Board of Directors and Lucas, the sole Lucasfilm shareholder.