Snoop Dogg Is Offering $100,000 A Year For A Blunt Roller To Join Crew

Snoop Dogg blunt rolling contest; winner gets $100,000

For the poster, Snoop Dogg commissioned local Arizona artist Benji Sakoai and famous graffiti artist Shepard Fairey. Known by his stage names Snoop Doggy Dogg, Snoop Dogg is hiring a full-time blunt roller for his entourage. Pay starts at $100,000. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Los Angeles, CA — American rapper, singer-songwriter and actor, Snoop Doggy Dogg held a press conference today to announce his need for a full-time blunt-roller to join his crew, with an amazing starting pay of $100,000/yr.

The contest is being dubbed, “Wrapper For A Rapper“, and judges are asking contestants to submit a Youtube video. In the video, please explain why you are the best candidate for the job and if you can handle partying 24/7 with Snoop and his entourage. And of course, most importantly, show off your blunt and joint rolling skills. Please keep in mind that since this is Youtube, use tobacco or something non-narcotic.

Are you a bad enough dude to hang with Snoop Dogg’s entourage full time, and get $100,000/yr to do it? How about a $100,000/yr with a 3-year contract? Your only job is to roll blunts for Snoop and his crew and to be able to “keep up” with their worldwide partying and massive blunt sessions.

Snoop Dogg told 36-year-old Paul Horner, editor for the High Times Magazine, that he is thrilled to bring on a new member of the team whose sole purpose is to roll joints and blunts.”My crew and myself are so excited about bringing on a full-time blunt-roller and I think $100,000/yr is very fair price. It will bring out the best quality of blunt rollers and since part of video submission showing your skills, we’ll be able to see your personality and if you can handle hanging out with the big dogs,” Snoop said.” The new employee must be able to travel at a moment’s notice and roll blunts.” Snoop continued,”But he or she has gotta be quick on their feet, a great sense of humor, intelligent – dummies need not apply, and most importantly roll a joint or blunt faster than Yosemite Sam. I want this to be a career for the individual whoever it is we end up choosing. Snoop finished the press conference by informing reporters that, “Only the best of the best need apply for this highly coveted position of Snoop Dogg’s official blunt roller. If one can not split and twist a blunt with one hand while hitting and passing a second; then this career opportunity may not be for you. If you or someone you know would be interested in applying for this job; please click here.

Youtube videos are the only acceptable form of entry and please use a subject line of, “Wrapper For A Rapper”. Other tags are encouraged, like “Snoop Dogg’s Wrap-Off” or “Snoop Dogg Contest”.

For the poster, Snoop Dogg commissioned local Arizona artist Benji Sakoai and famous graffiti artist Sheppard Feiery.

A winner will be announced April 20th, 2015. The $100,000 a year salary includes a three-year contract plus full medical and dental. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to call (785) 273-0325.

VIDEO: Snoop Dogg Offers $100K/Year For Blunt Roller To Join Entourage

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If you or someone you know would be interested in applying for this job; please click here.

U.S. Company Hiring Mercenaries To Kill ISIS; Starting Pay $500K/yr

Horner G6S Mercenary Inc., seen here, taking out a base in March of this year known to house members of ISIS.

G6S Mercenary Inc. taking out a base in March of this year known to house members of ISIS. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Phoenix, AZ — An up-and-coming militant organization, Horner G6S Mercenary Incorporated, or simply known as G6S, which has known ties to the U.S. military, says it is now aggressively hiring the general public for the specific purpose of killing those affiliated with the Islamic State. The company is offering a mind-blowing starting pay of $500,000 dollars per year regardless of your history or previous background. Their only requirement, is you kill members of ISIS. Lots and lots of them.

G6S, owned and operated by 35-year-old Paul Horner of Phoenix, Arizona, spoke with MSNBC today and complained of President Barack Obama’s handling of the situation with ISIS.

“That Muslim president of ours is not doing enough to put an end to ISIS, and for obvious reasons, he’s Muslim. Well, that will all change with what we are accomplishing over there in the Islamic State. We’ll be glad to pick up the slack of Obama to protect this country like any real president should.”

Gwen Hawkins, who recently signed up with G6S back in May, told CNN that she is ready to die for her country.


“I’d honestly settle for being a human hostage bomb. Pop a bomb inside my stomach, point me in the proper direction toward getting captured, and then detonate once inside. It’d solve my problem of having a depressing and mundane life and would probably lead to an acceleration of earnings that I could only obtain via a life insurance policy, which I’m not eligible for given my medical history. That money would help my friends and family more than I ever could. Actually, I’ll have to talk to G65’s human resource department to see if they would be willing to pay me extra for something like this or at least ensure that my income would be distributed appropriately.”

Jason McKay, who signed up for G6S last month, and received his complimentary iPhone 6, told Fox News he will be injecting himself with the Ebola virus, purposely captured by the Islamic State and inflict as many casualties as possible.

“I will be injecting myself with Ebola and then apprehended by Isis so I can laugh as they get splattered in my toxic blood as the cut off my head. Also, I am a pilot who will attempt to spread the Ebola virus by air and also cover their skies with poisonous chemtrails.”

G6S operative Michael D. Adams told reporters he force feeds bacon to captured members of ISIS since the teachings of the Quran do not allow it.

“Threatening those scum with pork and bacon is a great way to gain important intelligence about their operations before we slaughter them.”

At a press conference in Phoenix on Monday, Horner was more than happy to explain purpose of his organization.


“What we are doing is good versus evil, plain and simple,” Horner told reporters. “We will be cruel to ISIS, and through our cruelty they will know who we are… And the the Islamic State will fear us. Horner continued, “ISIS ain’t got no humanity. They’re the foot soldiers of an Islamic-extremist-hating mass murdering maniac. And they need to be destroyed. And that’s why each and every son of a b*tch associated with this Islamic State, they’re going to die. We will be cruel to ISIS, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, disfigured bodies of their brothers that we leave behind us. ISIS won’t be able to help themselves but imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And they will be sickened by us. And they will talk about us. And they will fear us. When members of ISIS close their eyes at night and are tortured by their subconscious with the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with.”

Every day more and more individuals have been signing up for this almost certain death sentence. On a lighter note, early this month a Christian organization‘s mascot, Fappy The Anti-Mastubation Dolphin, made the journey with G6S to the Middle East. Fappy told reporters that when he is not fighting ISIS, he is traveling around the country speaking to elementary school children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.

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Facebook Drug Task Force Will Begin Monitoring All Messages October 1st

Facebook Drug Task Force or the FDTF

Mark Zuckerberg speaking to reporters about the new Facebook Drug Task Force or FDTF which will begin monitoring all messages in October. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Menlo Park, CA — The Facebook Drug Task Force or FDTF, will begin monitoring all Facebook postings and messages of its users for drug activity beginning October 1st.

Chairman and chief executive of Facebook, Inc., Mark Zuckerberg, spoke with CNN about the FDTF. “The task force was created to keep users of Facebook safe,” Zucckerberg said. “The FDTF will be working directly with the Drug Enforcement Agency and local law enforcement agencies. We’re gonna put away the bad guys.” Zuckerberg continued, “Online crime has risen to all-time highs. As the world’s number one social networking site I feel it is our job to protect our users from such deadly things as drugs.”


Paul Horner, spokesman for the DEA, told reporters he is excited to see Facebook going forward with their decision to implement a drug task force. “I’m thrilled,” Horner said. “We’re going to get all the drug pushers and dope addicts off Facebook once and for all. The marijuana junkies think they can socialize on the line with their fellow druggies, well, not on my watch. We’re gonna read their messages, we’re gonna build cases against them, and we’re gonna put em’ all in prison. It’s going to be beautiful.”

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