The Ass Press
Posted: 08/20/2012 12:46:14 PM PDT
Santa Barbara, CA — Ttokkyo Laboratories is proud to finally release it’s anti-growing animal wonder drug, AdoraberilTM. Scientists there are calling it the fountain of youth for animals. One shot of AdoraberilTM will keep an animal from growing larger for one full year, but at the same time normal brain development will still occur. Scientists explain that by using the drug once a year you will always have an adorable little puppy or kitten who will continue to get more intelligent as the years go by.
Paul Horner, CEO and Managing Director of Ttokkyo Laboratories, says the drug will change the animal world forever. “Keeping animals at this small size will make them more desirable so they will be less likely to be abandoned or put in a shelter. Big animals are usually annoying and eat more food. Smaller animals don’t eat as much food and take up less space, so when they die it’s better for the environment.”
Critics of the drug say Ttokkyo Labs is messing with Mother Nature. “Animal population is a very delicate thing. No one will put down a cute little kitten or puppy. There needs to be checks and balances in nature. Soon things are going to get completely out of control,” Jade Porter of PETA told reporters this afternoon.
Joseph James, a spokesman for Ttokkyo Labs, says human testing is already in stage four of development with a scheduled release date of June, 2015. “The human baby when injected with AdoraberilTM will not develop physically, but it’s brain functions will. If continued use of AdoraberilTM is used from birth to adulthood you could realistically have a 35 pound baby that looks 3 years of age, but is actually a senior in College. How adorable would that be?”
Over 5 billion animals suffer from growing disease yearly in the United States. AdoraberilTM will initially only be made available to veterinarians and other licensed physicians. Contact your local veterinarian’s office to see if AdoraberilTM is right for your pet or animal.
- AdoraberilTM 24 hour hotline: (785) 273-0325