The Ass Press
Posted: 06/20/2012 6:00:52 PM PDT
Tampa, FL — In shocking news just released this morning, sources say Mitt Romney and his campaign for President are using funds to buy up what is being referred to as “Ron Paul Diversion Vehicles”. The idea is to discredit Ron Paul supporters and make them appear “crazy” and “uninformed”.
This information was leaked by an informant who says she was paid to drive around cars with car covers and “ridiculous amounts of Ron Paul advertisements“. Since she came forward this weekend, now others have too.
51 year old Bill Jenkins from Miami says he was paid $1,550 a month by Romney’s campaign to drive around his “Ron Paul Diversion Vehicle” in Tampa, Florida. He said he would get bonuses for yelling out the window of his car at school children or old people saying such things as “Investigate the Bilderberg Group” and “9/11 was an inside job.” Jenkins continued, “If anyone out there wants me to drive around a car promoting their goods or services, please contact me. I feel what I did for Mitt Romney is a great start to a possible career in this.”
Another person close to the scandal, who wished to remain anonymous said the accusations are 100% true. “Yeah, they called them diversion vehicles. We couldn’t get enough people to drive these things around. Politics are a dirty game and it’s a tough economy out there. Plus, most people are stupid and have no morals whatsoever.”
Paul Horner, a campaign spokesman for Romney, spoke briefly to reporters this morning saying that these allegations are completely false. “We’re running a fair campaign here. Obviously when someone runs for President, the nut jobs are going to come out of the wood work. That’s all this is.” Horner then went on to say, “What we need to be focusing on right now is important issues like Obama’s Birth Certificate. You like having a black Muslim running your country? What about all these gays having the same rights as others? And you’re worried about Mitt Romney buying a few vehicles to possibly deceive the American people, possibly change the outcome of the Presidential election and the future of this country? Seriously people, let’s get our priorities straight here.”
Ron Paul or any of his campaign officials could not be reached for comment at the time of this release.