Man’s New Year’s Resolution Is To Get Clean After Becoming A Drug Addict Last Week

Paul Horner

Paul Horner seen in this picture before he started abusing drugs so he could have a New Year’s resolution to stop using drugs.

Concord, NH — A Concord man is celebrating New Year’s Eve a little different this year, he finally has a New Year’s resolution. “I’ve never had a cool New Year’s resolution. It’s always been something lame like, lose a couple pounds or finally finish a crossword puzzle,” says 34-year-old Paul Horner. “I’ve never smoked cigarettes, I’m not a thief, I don’t beat my wife or anything cool like that so I can’t give any of that up.” Horner continued, “Well this New Years I wanted to really make it count. So I a made a promise to myself to stop using drugs and finally get clean, but first I had to start using drugs.”

Approximately six days ago, Horner started using heroin, crystal meth, cocaine and PCP. “In this last week of being addicted to drugs, my whole life has been turned upside down. My family and friends won’t talk to me. I’ve contracted HIV. I’ve been arrested 8 times. I’ve even been forced to turn tricks on the street to pay for my addiction,” Horner said. “If I had to choose a drug of choice right now, I’d probably say anything you put in front of me. But if I had to pick just one, it’s definitely huffing gold Krylon out of a sock. I’m going to be sad when I finally have to give that up.”

“I really wish Paul the best in getting clean,” says his mother Janet Horner. “These last 6 days that he’s been a drug addict has been a nightmare for our whole family. He’s pawned all my jewelery, stole my purse – twice. He held my husband and I at gun point until we told him our PIN numbers and then he went and emptied out our bank accounts of more than $50,000. I can’t wait until he fulfills his New Year’s resolution.”

“I never used drugs until last week, but I’m getting pretty good at doing them. I think I’m going to really miss this lifestyle once I get clean,” Horner said. “I’ve told my parents I’m checking into rehab January 1st, 2013 and they wish me the best. Hopefully I can finally beat this evil disease once and for all.”


  1. I wish him luck in getting clean! Addiction is a mother f*cker

  2. My mom says says:

    I know right good luck to this drug abuser!

  3. um…is this a joke???

  4. New Year’s resolutions are also no joking matter. Republicans for Paul Horner for President 2016!

  5. Um seriously? U have to be doing drugs a lot longer then a week to really be addicted, u won’t feel well maybe but mentally ur just not there yet…… he was arrested 8 times in a week??? This doesn’t make sense…..

  6. meehhhryl sheep says:

    Best of luck to the guy, my horrible meth addiction started 2 hours ago and I’ve been trying to get clean ever since. Give him a break, this stuff ruins lives, I know it, I’ve been there done that and got the T-shirt (well actually it’s on order, expected delivery time is 3-5 days). Peace out

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