The Ass Press
Posted: 09/24/2012 07:00:48 AM PDT
Washington, D.C.— Some people just don’t know when to call it quits. One great example of this would be the Republican nominee, Mitt Romney. Gaffe after gaffe while polling with the lowest numbers ever in the history of a candidate running for president and still this beaten down and embarrassed man just keeps going. Some say you can chalk it up to stupidity, others say it’s because of his soulless robot body built by the Mormons.
Romney told reporters that robots don’t feel emotion or pain. “They have one primary objective and his is winning the presidency even if the odds of that are one in fifty-four billion,” Romney said. “I don’t care if one person votes for me. I don’t care if I bring down the entire Republican party and they end up having to rename it something different because of me. I’m on a mission to see this thing through no matter how ugly it’s going to get for me and anyone associated with my campaign.”
Public opinion says that you can’t keep a good man down, but Romney is definitely not a good man. His robot structure will stay down, actually probably spiraling further downward until it is pinned at the core and the universe implodes on itself.
So in summation, Mitt Romney is attempting to kill everyone and everything in the universe by running for president. So, thanks a lot Mitt Romney, for attempting to kill us all.