McDonald’s To Begin Employing Only Robots To Run It’s Store In Phoenix

Phoenix, Arizona  —  A McDonald’s restaurant in is scrapping the idea of employing humans to run its new store opening in Phoenix, Arizona and going with robots.
The robots will take orders, collect money, make food, you name and they can do it.

Paul Horner, the stores manager, and only human, told CNN he will be there for customer complaints and to make sure the robots run correctly.

“I’m proud to be a part of this. It’s the first time any store or restaurant will be run entirely be robots. I can’t wait.”

Will this be a good thing for humanity? Some think it is a step in the right direction and the future of fast food. Though critics like Michelle Bernstein disagree.

“Young kids, who can’t get jobs anywhere else rely on getting a job as McDonald’s,” Bernstein told reporters. “But now with the robots running the place, all those children will remain unemployed. It’s just so sad.”

I for one welcome are new burger overlords.

Facebook To Begin Charging Members $1.99/mo Starting In June

Facebook monthly fee of $1.99/mo to begin in JuneFacebook will begin charging its users $1.99/mo starting June 1st. The change takes place after Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a press conference today announcing the news.

“This is something that must be done,” Zuckerberg told reporters.

If you cannot afford the monthly fee, in a new status update, copy and paste the words, ‘I LOVE FACEBOOK AND I AM POOR SO PLEASE WAIVE MY MONTHLY FEE’. You must also include the hashtag #ILoveFacebookAndIAmPoor.

Will this be a good or bad thing for Facebook? Time will only tell.

Parental Consent Form Required To Use Facebook For All Minors Beginning In June

Beginning June 1st, Facebook will require signed parental consent forms for any users under the age of 18. Those under the age of 18 will begin to receive consent forms in their Facebook inbox as soon as May 1st. To receive your form early, you can click this link here provided or call the 24-hour Facebook parental consent hotline at (785) 273-0325.

Official Facebook Parental Consent Form:
Facebook parental consent form

Please share this with anyone under the age of 18. Their life may just depend on it.

First Ever Head Transplant Is a Success

Doctors in Africa are reporting that a 36-year-old man has made an 80% recovery after receiving the first ever head transplant.

Horner, whose body was riddled with bone cancer, received the donor body from a 21-year-old man who has been brain dead from a car accident back in 2012.

Doctors are excited about the surgery and expect Horner to make a full recovery within one year.

One of the doctors that performed the surgery told reporters, “After the success of this surgery, the possibilities to saving and improving lives are infinite.”

Anonymous Shuts Down ISIS Dating Website

The group Anonymous has single-handedly shut down the ISIS dating website, ISISsingles.com.

“Operation ISIS Social Continues,” Anonymous tweeted today, describing its most recent action taking down the ISIS singles website.

Using Pastebin, Anonymous posted usernames, login information and Twitter accounts for members of the dating site.

This is the first ISIS dating site that has been shutdown and was applauded by various groups online.

ISIS dating website taken by Anonymous

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

Banksy is Paul Horner

A mugshot taken by London Police today of Paul Horner AKA Banksy. (AR Photo/Dennis System)

London, England — The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, film director, painter and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by London’s Metropolitan Police. After hours of questioning and a raid of his London art studio, his true name and identity have finally been revealed.

The City of London Police say Banksy’s real name is Paul William Horner, a 36-year old male born in Liverpool, England. The BBC has confirmed this information with Banky’s PR agent Jo Brooks along with Pest Control, a website that acts as a handling service on behalf of the artist.

London Police Chief Lyndon Edwards held a press conference to answer questions about Banksy and how Horner was finally apprehended after all these years on the run.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Task Force monitoring different groups where Banksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am a group of individuals left a flat speculated to be one of Banky’s art studios. This group was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the group, 5 men total. These individuals all had ID on them except for one, and that is the one we believed to be Banksy,” Edwards said. “We then raided the studio where the group was last seen leaving from. Inside we found thousands of dollars of counterfeit money along with future projects of vandalism. We also found a passport and ID of a Paul Horner who matched the description of the man that we are currently holding.” Edwards continued, “Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, conspiracy, racketeering and counterfeiting. We are also holding the other four individuals whose names we are not releasing at this time.”

Horner was arrested by London Police in Watford, a town and borough in Hertfordshire, England, about 17 miles northwest of central London. News of the arrest quickly prompted #FreeBanksy tweets and angry messages from people who thought that the cops should find better uses of their time.

The graffiti artist that goes by the name Space Invader told reporters he does not agree with the arrest or outing of Banksy’s identity.

“He’s just doing art, spreading joy and making political statements the best way he knows how. That is what he was doing and I hope that is what he’ll continue to do,” Invader said. “For the London Police to setup some 24-hour task force just to catch Banksy is ridiculous. I hope we hear plenty of noise from the good tax-paying citizens of London about this.”

After today’s arrest it is unclear who else will be sought in connection with Banksy’s arrest. CNN spoke with John Hawes who is Banksy’s project manager, Hawes says he is worried that charges could be brought against him as well.

“If they spent this many man-hours and brought this many charges against Banksy, I can’t imagine that he’ll be the only one to go down in all of this,” Hawes said. “All the beauty Paul Horner brought to this world, unfortunately the London Police just see it as vandalism and want to lock him up. It’s such a shame.”



Banksy’s identity was long speculated to be Robin Gunningham, a man born in Bristol, England in 1973. Known for his contempt for the government in labeling graffiti as vandalism, Banksy displays his art on public walls and even goes as far as to build physical prop pieces. He does not sell his work directly; however, art auctioneers have been known to attempt to sell his street art on location and leave the problem of its removal in the hands of the winning bidder.

Police apprehended the famous street artist while in the middle of finishing a piece about a mascot for a Christian organization named Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin.

“I’m just happy to be a part of this whole thing,” Fappy told CNN. “I’m not familiar with this Banksy character, honestly if it’s not in the Bible I probably haven’t heard of it, but if this arrest spreads awareness of the harmful effects of self-rape, then that is a good thing. Hopefully news of this ordeal will bring the much needed attention to the dangers and consequences of playing with your sin stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell. Hopefully, God willing, one day, masturbation will be illegal and people will finally be free of playing on the Devil’s playground. To find out more about finding a cure to this deadly disease, please visit STOP Masturbation NOW.”

Banksy Arrested AKA Paul Horner

Banksy being arrested by London Police this morning. (AR Photo/Dennis System)

Local resident 27-year old Matthew Williams told reporters he was disgusted when he heard news of the arrest.

“What a waste of taxpayers money. Wouldn’t it be better spent fighting the war against drugs or violence ? What harm has this man done except produce beautiful thought provoking artwork? The counterfeit money thing has either been planted or its part if his art and not actual real counterfeit cash.” Williams continued, “This is just another move by the Five-Oh to crush anything good and free. People need to work out what side they’re on and if they’re on the side of beauty and freedom, they need to start fighting back. There are simply not enough heroes like Banksy to do it for you. I hope this blows up in the cops’ faces and the rest of the government as well.”

One Of The More Memorable Quotes By Banksy

“People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you. You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity.

F*ck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.

You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.”

banksy-paul-horner

A black and white image created from the documentary “Exit Through The Gift Shop” along with an autograph from Banksy. (AR Photo/Dennis System)

In 2011, Banksy was a no-show to accept his Oscar for his documentary Exit The Gift Shop, though his artwork was seen all over Hollywood in days leading up to the awards.

As soon as news of the arrest was made, the City of London Police say they began receiving dozens of phone calls from people either claiming to be Banksy, or claiming to be with him. As of 6 PM London time, hundreds of people were gathered outside the London Police Department chanting “I’m Banksy!” and holding signs demanding his release. Various local news stations have reported witnessing the crowd parting for a blind woman who attempted to turn herself into authorities claiming that she was in fact the real Banksy.

Horner was born in Liverpool is a city in Merseyside, England, on the eastern side of the Mersey Estuary. Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of graffiti, public vandalism, criminal mischief, public indecency, resisting arrest, money laundering, criminal conspiracy and racketeering. More charges may follow. Anyone with more information on criminal charges that could be used against Horner, London Police working alongside with the F.B.I. have setup a 24-hour hotline at (785) 273-0325.

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed



Facebook Adding ‘Satire’ Tags To Fox News Articles

Menlo Park, CA — What some are calling a “harmless prank” is being taken very seriously by the Fox News Channel. On Sunday, the links on Facebook which display related articles by Fox News were showing ‘satire’ tags beside them. No one is sure if this is permanent, temporary or a mistake, but lawyers of Fox are not taking the issue lightly.

“This is a programmer or someone at Facebook, a comedian,” Paul Horner, a lawyer for Fox News told reporters. “If these tags are not removed in 48 hours Facebook will have a multimillion dollar lawsuit on their hands.”

Fox News has satire tags on Facebook

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Facebook Drug Task Force Will Begin Monitoring All Messages October 1st

Facebook Drug Task Force or the FDTF

Mark Zuckerberg speaking to reporters about the new Facebook Drug Task Force or FDTF which will begin monitoring all messages in October. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Menlo Park, CA — The Facebook Drug Task Force or FDTF, will begin monitoring all Facebook postings and messages of its users for drug activity beginning October 1st.

Chairman and chief executive of Facebook, Inc., Mark Zuckerberg, spoke with CNN about the FDTF. “The task force was created to keep users of Facebook safe,” Zucckerberg said. “The FDTF will be working directly with the Drug Enforcement Agency and local law enforcement agencies. We’re gonna put away the bad guys.” Zuckerberg continued, “Online crime has risen to all-time highs. As the world’s number one social networking site I feel it is our job to protect our users from such deadly things as drugs.”


Paul Horner, spokesman for the DEA, told reporters he is excited to see Facebook going forward with their decision to implement a drug task force. “I’m thrilled,” Horner said. “We’re going to get all the drug pushers and dope addicts off Facebook once and for all. The marijuana junkies think they can socialize on the line with their fellow druggies, well, not on my watch. We’re gonna read their messages, we’re gonna build cases against them, and we’re gonna put em’ all in prison. It’s going to be beautiful.”

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