CONFIRMED TRUE: Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin WAS Arrested At SeaWorld For Masturbating In Public

Fappy arrested at SeaWorld

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin was arrested for public masturbation at SeaWorld.

There is a story going around the internet about a dolphin mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization who was arrested at SeaWorld for public masturbation. This story is in fact TRUE.

On November 13th Fappy, AKA Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.

Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.

“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devil’s doorbell’, we thought he was insane,” Downey said. “Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.”

Horner’s attorney, Pattie Smith, told CBS News the dolphin mascot will try and prevent masturbation in prison if found guilty.

“Horner is in good spirits and waiting for this whole ordeal to be over,” Smith said. ““Horner told me he is innocent, but if found guilty, says he will put an end to inmate masturbation in every jail and prison across the country, starting with the one he may be serving time at.”

This story has been confirmed TRUE.

CONFIRMED TRUE: Secret Service Agent Says Obama Is Muslim & Gay In New Tell-All Book

The Black House by Paul Horner

The Black House: A story about an Ex-Secret Service agent who claims President Obama is a gay Muslim.

Making its way around the internet is a story about a book titled, ‘The Black House‘. The best-selling book is about an Ex-Secret Service agent who claims that Obama is a Muslim and also a homosexual. This has been confirmed as TRUE.

We spoke with Lawn Gnome Publishing‘s owner, Aaron Johnson, who put out the book.

“We’ve been selling tens of thousands of copies,” Johnson told Fox News. “We can’t keep copies of the book on the shelves and in our inventory. This true story is also one of the highest selling books currently on Amazon.”

Megyn Kelly from the The Kelly File told Fox News viewers that she highly recommends buying book.

“This book is a must-have for anyone that loves America,” Kelly said. “We have been lied to by this administration for long enough. It is time that Obama comes out, steps up, and addresses these accusations made by a highly decorated former Secret Service agent who used to be in his inner circle.”

The ‘The Black House by Paul Horner’ centers around the former Secret Service agent who tells his story about working and living within the White House during Barack Obama’s term as President.

VIDEO: Secret Service Agent Says Obama Is Muslim & Gay In New Tell-All Book











CONFIRMED TRUE: Survivor Files $1.2 Million Lawsuit Against Kim Davis & Mike Huckabee

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

The album cover of for ‘Eye of the Tiger’ by Survivor. (AP Photo/Dennis System)

Salisbury, NC — In an article originally published by NBC News, Survivor band members claim they are suing Kim Davis and Mike Huckabee for $1.2 million dollars for using their song “Eye of the Tiger” without permission. This story has been confirmed true by the lawyer representing Survivor.

“We have filed the necessary paperwork with the county courthouse in Salisbury and expect the lawsuit proceedings to commence shortly,” Paul Horner with EZ Rider & Associates told CNN. “Mike Huckabee and Kim Davis had no permission to use the song, bottom line. This incident is in the national public spot light right now, and Huckabee is running for president; they should have known better.”

Davis, the Kentucky clerk who was jailed after refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was released Tuesday morning, after serving six days in prison, to the sound of “Eye of the Tiger.” The song played in the background as she, her husband, and Mike Huckabee celebrated her freedom in front of thousands of supporters.

“Eye of the Tiger” was released in the spring of 1982 as a single from Survivor’s third album. It was written at the request of actor Sylvester Stallone to be used as the theme song for the movie Rocky III.

Anonymous Shuts Down ISIS Dating Website

The group Anonymous has single-handedly shut down the ISIS dating website, ISISsingles.com.

“Operation ISIS Social Continues,” Anonymous tweeted today, describing its most recent action taking down the ISIS singles website.

Using Pastebin, Anonymous posted usernames, login information and Twitter accounts for members of the dating site.

This is the first ISIS dating site that has been shutdown and was applauded by various groups online.

ISIS dating website taken by Anonymous

Satire Site Predicted September 11 Attacks; FBI Arrests Author In Early Morning Raid

Phoenix, AZ — An Arizona man was arrested by federal agents early this morning after learning he had written a satirical article about the tragic events of September 11th, 2001 one day before they actually occurred.

According to NPR, the story was published September 10th, 2001 on the satirical website National Report and titled, ‘Tomorrow Will Be A Blast! Planes And Towers And Jihads! Oh My!’ Currently the page is still showing the title though the content of the story has been removed and replaced with bold red letters which read, ‘CONTENT REMOVED UPON REQUEST’. The date is hidden but scrolling over the text which says, ‘Posted about 13 years ago’, will show a date and time of ‘September 10th, 2001 at 12:20 PM’.

A screenshot from the satirical article that predicted the events from September 11th, 2001:

Satire site predicts 9/11


FBI agents along with SWAT raided the residence of 35-year-old Paul Horner early this morning at his home in Phoenix, Arizona. Agents arrested the man and was taken into custody. Horner is the author of the article in question who writes under the pen name Darius Rubics.

Tom Downey who is an avid reader of National Report told CNN he read the article that was posted 13 years ago.

“I remember reading that article when it was published,” Downey said. “The next day when the story came true, I was completely shocked. I called the local police here to let them know what I had read. They thanked me for the tip and I never heard anything after that. I have no clue why they’re arresting the author of the story now.”

Comments posted on the article dated September 10th, 2001:

Comments left on satire article that predicted 9/11

So far the content of the story is unclear. What took so long for this story to catch the eye of authorities is unknown.

Horner is not the first one to predict 9/11. On a broadcast on June, 28th of 2001 Bill Cooper would make the prediction that 9/11 would happen and Osama Bin Laden would be blamed. Cooper was shot and killed by police just a few months later.

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Woman Stoned To Death For Working On The Sabbath; Church Takes Bible Literally

Alabama Church takes Bible literally. Woman stoned to death for working on Sunday or the Sabbath.

Reverend Paul Horner, seen here, leading his congregation in singing ‘Amazing Grace’ in memory of Brandy Hull. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Huntsville, AL — A 31-year-old pregnant woman, wife and mother of three, was brutally murdered after she was seen working on Sunday, or the Sabbath, by a fellow member of the church.

Brandy Hull, a devoted member of ‘Paul Church’, a church which takes the Bible literally, was working at ‘Hank’s Bass Pro Shop’ on Sunday when she was confronted by churchgoer Richard Mayo. Employees say a heated argument broke out which forced store manager Steve Wesby to intervene and remove Mayo from the premises. When Hull left work later that day, that is when Mayo attacked the woman. Mayo began throwing large rocks at Hull until she was bludgeoned to death.

Mayo killed Hull based on the Bible’s teachings of verse Exodus 31:15 which says that for six days work is to be done, but the seventh day is a day of Sabbath rest, holy to the Lord. Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day is to be put to death.

Detective Thomas Kelly held a press conference on the church’s steps to discuss the case and answer questions for reporters. “At this time we believe 58-year-old Richard Charles Mayo acted alone. There is no evidence of other individuals who were involved or conspired with Mayo to carry out this horrible act.”


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Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Westview Elementary School in Apple Valley, Minnesota while on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Creve Coeur, MO — A federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization claims that another federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization has violated their intellectual property and is now suing for millions.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and their parent organization Stop Masturbation Now have accused Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Shark of using the same name of their famous dolphin mascot, ‘Fappy’. According to the suit, they believe that using the name “causes a likelihood of confusion”.

READ MORE

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Westboro Baptist Church Suing Funeral Protesters Of Fred Phelps

Fred Phelps Sr. prepares to protest outside the Kansas Statehouse in Topeka, Kansas

In this July 1, 2007 photo, the Rev. Fred Phelps Sr. prepares to protest outside the Kansas Statehouse in Topeka, Kansas. Phelps, the founder of the Kansas church known for anti-gay protests and pickets at military funerals, died Thursday, March 20, 2014. He was 84. (AP Photo/Orlin Wagner, File) / AP

“Any f*gs that wanna come out and protest my dad’s funeral better be ready for a lawsuit,” Fred Phelps‘s son, Timothy Phelps told CNN on Friday.

The threat of a lawsuit comes two days after the death of the Westboro Baptist Church founder. Phelps’ son, confirmed to Kansas’ WIBW that Phelps died “before midnight” on Wednesday at the age of 84.

Paul Horner who is a spokesman for the Westboro Baptist Church told reporters that the funeral for Fred Phelps would be closed to the public. “Show the man some respect on his well-deserved journey into Heaven,” Horner said. “No f*gs better show up with signs thinking that they’re being clever either. Any f*g caught protesting this great man’s funeral will get sued. This is their only warning so I won’t be repeating myself anytime in the near future.”

“I think it’s pretty ironic that this so called church is making these outrageous threats of a lawsuit,” said human rights activist Sarah Winters. “The Westboro Baptist Church is known for their actions against gay people; picketing is what they do. They hide behind the 1st Amendment and free speech and now that the tables have been turned they don’t want any part of it. This group continues to make me sick.”


The Westboro Baptist Church who is known for its extreme ideologies and picketing funerals, especially those against gay people, is not affiliated with any Baptist denomination. The Baptist World Alliance and the Southern Baptist Convention (the two largest Baptist denominations) have each denounced the WBC over the years. The church describes itself as following Primitive Baptist and Calvinist principles.

The funeral for Fred Phelps has not yet been scheduled.

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Obama Declares November National Muslim Appreciation Month

Obama announces Muslim appreciation month for November

President Obama announcing the month of November to officially be ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’.

Washington, DC — President Barack Obama held a press conference to announce that he is declaring the month of November ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’.

“The Muslim community deserves our full acceptance and respect,” Obama told reporters. “We have killed millions of Muslims overseas since the September 11th attacks. They are not all bad. In fact most of them are good. So from now on, November will be a month to celebrate the Muslim community, the Sunnah and the Quran.”

Khaled Matei who is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood‘s Freedom and Justice Party told CNN he is pleased with Obama and his actions. “I spoke with President Obama by telephone yesterday and personally thanked him for what he is doing for the Muslim community,” Matei said. “This is definitely a step in the right direction I explained to him. Praise Allah.”

Obama informed reporters about his future plans for helping Muslims around the world. “I will be working with Congress in making it easier for Muslims to earn a Green Card and achieve American citizenship,” Obama said. “Currently as it stands, obtaining a Visa or Green Card for a Muslim is very difficult. There are too many background checks in place and I plan to fix that.” Obama continued, “Muslims are hardworking people who are just looking to live the American Dream like the rest of us. Mr. Matei of the Muslim Brotherhood assured me they want to come to this country to help us, not harm us.”

Obama finished the press conference by explaining to reporters how happy he was with America. “Folks, there is no way we could have had a ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’ 20 years ago. That really says a lot about the growth and progress of this great country.”

‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’ begins November 1st and will end at midnight on November 30th. For any questions or comments please contact the 24-hour National Muslim Appreciation Hotline at (785) 273-0325.

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Utah City Makes Porn Illegal – 30 Days In Jail For First Offense

Porn banned in St. George, Utah

A sign in front of a restaurant in downtown St. George.

St. George, UT — One city in Utah has decided it has had enough porn in their town and is taking the drastic measure of banning all pornography along with making it a criminal offense. In a unanimous decision by the city council of St. George, Utah, a law was passed making the possession of any pornographic related material in the city limits a crime punishable by 30 days in jail.

Mayor Arthur McDaniel told CNN he is excited about the new law. “It’s time a city steps up and sets a precedent that this disgusting filth that has plagued this great country of ours for generations will no longer be tolerated,” McDaniel said. “Pornography is a defiant act against Jesus and his teachings. The rest of the country can keep their heads in the sand about this smut and corruption to our children, but not the great city of St. George. I can only hope and pray other cities and states follow suit.”

The ban on pornography in St George takes effect November 1st of this year. Sheriff Paul Covington explained to reporters about the criminal implementation of the upcoming ban. “Our police force will be targeting anyone selling, distributing or using pornographic material including but not limited to magazines, toys, movies and of course the internet; basically anything that is porn related. Anyone in violation of this new law will be subject to a jail sentence of no less than 30 days,” Covington said. “We will also be removing certain produce from our grocery stores; we know all the tricks of a sexual deviant.”

48-year-old St. George resident Myron Danus told reporters he does not approve of the ban. “I don’t care if this is a Mormon backwards state or not, this is a free country and I can watch porn if I damn well please,” Danus said. “If I want to watch naked girls, that’s my business. I’ll be the first one down there in front of the courthouse with a Playboy magazine in one hand and tub of Vaseline in the other.”

According to recent porn data usage released by pornhub.com; the average visit duration time of a resident in Utah is a little over ten minutes. The top three porn searches for Utah is ‘compilation’, ‘teen’ and ‘hentai’.

The town of St. George has a population of 75,561 as of the 2012 census and is located in the southwestern part of Utah on the Arizona border. So far state officials in Utah have yet to make a formal statement concerning the ban on pornography.

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