Scottsdale, AZ — In one evening last November a Scottsdale man committed so many party fouls that it earned him a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. The party where this feat occurred was at the Lancaster mansion party in Scottsdale, Arizona. It is a party which is thrown yearly for the elite of the elite in the area, and every year 34-year-old Paul Horner is invited for some reason.
“I don’t know why we keep inviting Mr. Horner back to our parties every year. We realize we’re just asking for trouble, but the guests seem to love him and he keeps them extremely entertained,” said 54-year-old Winston Lancaster III, who is the owner of the mansion where this exclusive party is held every year.
Elizabeth Lancaster told reporters that guests are forewarned of Horner’s attendance at the party. “Every year we warn people that Horner will be attending and of his previous actions,” Lancaster said. “What can I say, he’s a big hit. People love his antics. Some people just follow him around all night to see what crazy shenanigans he’ll do next.”
The following is a list of carefully documented events from the evening in question that earned Horner the top spot in The Guinness Book of World Records for most party fouls committed in one 24-hour period.
- Announced to the crowd that the punch bowl had been spiked with Aids
- Challenged 24 people to a fight, then tried hugging them the rest of the night
- Broke 4 flat screen televisions with his head and fists
- Put on a dress with no underwear, along with a lampshade on his head and started flirting with everyone in attendance, demanding that they give him their number or “face the consequences”
- Puked all over the bartender, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the pool, in four separate bedrooms while making no attempt to clean up the mess or make it to the bathroom
- Ordered 5 prostitutes with Mr. Lancaster’s Visa card without his permission
- Took a sledge hammer to 3 different ice sculptures completely destroying them
- Took off his pants and peed into 4 different punch bowls filled with alcohol
- Started a toast announcing to the crowd how happy he was to be there, then instead of saying anything he just started smoking crack
- Set fire to the guest house
- Threw human feces at women that declined his invitation to dance or refused to give him their phone number
- Lost both shoes, then stole a new pair from a blind man
- Fell down the stairs 14 times
- Pulled a knife on a 5-year-old
- Walked into four different glass doors, shattering two of them
- Spilled full cups of beer on 17 different people
- Pushed 11 guests into the pool
- Did the Macarena for 2 hours straight while singing Nickelback songs out loud through a megaphone as a DJ for the party played other genres of music that were not related to the Macarena or any songs performed by Nickelback
- Fell into a pyramid of 1,000 bottles of Dom Perignon stacked on top of each other worth an estimated $200,000. Every bottle was broken and Horner was dripping blood from head to toe but refused medical treatment. He instead started throwing the broken shards of glass at guests while wiping his blood on garden furniture and the family dog.
- Horner texted all 575 people on his phone, male and female, that he was DTF
- Put rat poison in a dish of potato salad
- Spat on 27 people
- Engaged in sexual activities with 5 prostitutes in the master bedroom
- Consumed 16 pills of xanax while smoking PCP, then started running around the party naked yelling something about an agency of the government being after him
- Horner left the party with the owner’s Porsche and their 16-year-old daughter Annabell Williamsburg telling onlookers to “suck my balls” and that he was headed for Mexico. Horner or Annabell have not been seen or heard from since the incident.
Horner was the previous World Record holder for most party fouls in a 24-hour-period but he topped last year’s accomplishments by an extra 4 spilled drinks and instead of two broken flat screens, this year it was four, plus a lot more human feces was thrown.
“We just love Horner attending our parties,” said Mrs. Lancaster. “He provides our guests with so much entertainment. We can’t wait to see what Horner has in store for our party next year! We just hope he returns our daughter Annabell and the Porsche as soon as possible, we would really appreciate that.”
If you have any information about Horner’s whereabouts or the Lancaster’s 16-year-old daughter please contact (785) 273-0325. A $100,000 reward is currently being offered and as always you can remain anonymous.