Archives for May 2015

McDonald’s To Begin Employing Only Robots To Run It’s Store In Phoenix

Phoenix, Arizona  —  A McDonald’s restaurant in is scrapping the idea of employing humans to run its new store opening in Phoenix, Arizona and going with robots.
The robots will take orders, collect money, make food, you name and they can do it.

Paul Horner, the stores manager, and only human, told CNN he will be there for customer complaints and to make sure the robots run correctly.

“I’m proud to be a part of this. It’s the first time any store or restaurant will be run entirely be robots. I can’t wait.”

Will this be a good thing for humanity? Some think it is a step in the right direction and the future of fast food. Though critics like Michelle Bernstein disagree.

“Young kids, who can’t get jobs anywhere else rely on getting a job as McDonald’s,” Bernstein told reporters. “But now with the robots running the place, all those children will remain unemployed. It’s just so sad.”

I for one welcome are new burger overlords.

Pothole Activist Wanksy Has Been Arrested

London, England — The graffiti artist and pothole activist known as Wanksy has been arrested. The City of London Police told the BBC that Wanksy’s real name is Paul Edwin Horner.

Wanksy arrested in London
London Police Chief James Edwards held a press conference explain how Horner was finally apprehended.

“We had a 24-hour Anti-Graffiti Pothole Task Force monitoring different locations where Wanksy was known to frequent. We received word that around 2am an individual left a flat speculated to belong to Wanksy. This individual was followed by agents and once vandalism had occurred, we then arrested the man.”

Horner has been using industrial chalk to draw penises around potholes all over England to encourage crews to fix the eyesores quicker than they normally would.

27-year old Matthew Aldridge told reporters he was discouraged to learn of Wanksy’s arrest.

“What a waste of taxpayers money. Wouldn’t it be better spent fighting the war against drugs or violence ?”

Horner is currently being held without bail on charges of vandalism, vigilantism, graffiti, and conspiracy; more charges may follow. If you know of any other charges that could be used against Horner, London Police working alongside with the F.B.I. have setup a hotline. Please call (785) 273-0325 and you can remain anonymous.

Hacked Email: Hillary Clinton Announces Michelle Obama As Her Vice President

Hillary Clinton Michelle Obama vice president and running mate for 2016In a hacked email by the hackivist group Anonymous, the First Lady Michelle Obama has accepted Hillary Clinton’s offer as running mate for the presidential election in 2016.

In a posting to the website Pastebin Hillary says:

“It thrills me that you have accepted my offer as my running mate in 2016, you will make a fine vice president.”

It is still unclear how Anonymous hacked the email account of Hillary Clinton.

The email from Pastebin reads:

#####################################################
# Hillary Clinton Email to Michelle Obama #
#####################################################
#To: mobama@whitehouse.gov #
#From: hdr22@clintonemail.com #
#Subject: Let’s get excited!!! #
# #
#Dearest Michelle, #
#It thrills me that you have accepted my offer as #
#my running mate in 2016, you will make a fine vice #
#president! #
# #
#Are you ready to shake up Washington? I sure hope #
#so. #
# #
#We’ll talk soon! #
# #
#Sincerely, #
# #
#Hillary Clinton #
#####################################################

Will Michelle Obama make a good running mate and vice president for Hillary Clinton, I guess time will only tell.